The "L" Word

Shooooooooooooshhhhhhhhhhh……….…….Say the letter softly when you are transgendered woman- even if the letter applies to you. You know what letter I am talking about ……………….the infamous “L” word. For you see, I am a part of that community as well even if the other genetic born members of the community don’t always see it that way. Too often when those of us in the transgendered community speak to people about who we are and our life we get many questions focused not on our gender identity issues but wrapped up in our sexuality. Most of us try to explain that one’s gender identity and one’s sexuality are separate and distinct subjects and the mere fact that one is transgendered does not define whether they will be straight, bi, gay or part of the “L” community. Gender identity is just that – how one self identifies themselves as to their gender even if vastly different than the physical parts provided at birth based on the inner soul and essence of being. I always identified as female. I transitioned my outer appearance and body through, presentation, hormones, laser, electro and three surgical procedures to get it to fit my inner self and present myself as the woman I always knew I was in my heart, soul and mind. Sexual orientation is a separate entity based on who I am attracted to as woman.

So as a woman in my heart, soul and mind and now my body to match it, my attraction sexually has been to other women. Even when I lived the other life inside the shell I always imaged myself as a woman making love and intimate with other woman. To me, nothing can come close to the touch, passion and intimacy that is experienced in being with another woman- even if I am one myself. However, that makes me part of the “L” word. I am now involved in a loving beautiful and committed relationship with my partner Paula who like me is also woman and a transwoman. She always felt inside her misfit body that she was a woman in heart mind and soul and she has spent her time transitioning her body to fit this essence as well much in the same manner as I did over the years. When we met and began our friendship which blossomed over a year or so into a wonderful romance we always saw the other for whom we really were and the shells as merely work in progress. Our love for each other blossomed and grew and we helped each other through the last parts of the physical transitional process. We are committed to each other and although we have our disagreements from time to time like any couple does we work through them as two women who care and love each other. Next month we will celebrate our love in a union/ commitment ceremony at our church with our wonderful friends. Two women in love with each other and wanting to be together as partners in this life together makes us part of the “L” community as it should be.

However, both of us have encountered some “less than understanding” members of the “L” word who have looked down upon us and even a few that have been outright hostile to us and clearly do not see us as members of the “L” community- although I am not always sure where they see us as being. We have developed many friends who are part of the “L” community and many of whom are helping us celebrate our wedding and many of whom I could not imagine my life without them being a part of it. I know many who were curious about Paula and I and our life as transgendered woman and our love for each other as women. We always have been open with anyone who asks about it. We have shared our stories, our transition and our surgeries with many in the “L” as we believe that only by sharing and discussing it with others can growth and understanding take place. We have also shared with many of our sisters our love for each other and at least in our assessment our feelings about being part of the “L’ word.

I am sure that many in the “L” scene long ago believed that you are “born woman” and being part of the “L” community meant that you must be a genetic born woman which left many of us in the transgendered community scratching our head sometimes. As we see it, we were “born woman” but somebody put the wrong body parts on us as if playing a sick and cruel joke on us which we struggle with, deal with and finally come to grips with in our transitions to adjust this mix up at the beginning. Many in the “L” community have long since left that old way of thinking anyway and have themselves grown and many are our friends today who have enriched our lives so very deeply!

However, there are some old school thinkers still among the “L” scene. The Ohio “L” Festival welcomes all womym including those who are transgendered. So does the Women’s Music Festival (Wimfest) and we find that so refreshing and enlightened. In contrast in Michigan for example, at the woman’s music festival, transgendered woman are not welcome at all. Right here in Columbus there is a group known as the Lavender Sisters which even ironically meets at our church each month which is a group in the “L” community which does not accept those of us unfortunate enough to be born with the wrong body parts despite the inner essence of who we are as woman. With these groups and other hardliners in the “L” word it is as if judgment is to be made on genetics or physical things instead of the soul and spirit and heart of the person. Should we judge someone with a birth defect on their body as not being worthwhile and look past their soul, their spirit and value as a being because of this? Of course not, but we sometimes do and it does not make it right.

This weekend Paula and I will venture to the Ohio festival where we will be exhibiting on behalf of TransOhio and conducting workshop about our lives, our transitions and our love for each other as two women and the belief in our view at least that we are part of the “L” community. We will welcome and address any and all questions as part of a dialog and exchange that we hope will further help those sisters in the “L” community understand more about transgendered women and our lives together as two women who love each other and explaining why we believe that we are part of the “L” word and hoping that our presence and sharing may open the hearts and minds of a few of our sisters about us and our presence in this “L” community. We look forward to being at the festival and meeting our sisters and experiencing a festival that celebrates womanhood!

Thanks to all our wonderful friends who have grown with us in this belief and thanks to those who have asked and shared and accepted us as part of the “L” community” and to those of you who have not yet done so, we ask that you keep the possibility open and engage us in discussion about it and hopefully with an open mind. Maybe sometime down the road we can work some things out and reach a meeting of the minds. In the meantime, Paula and I will enjoy being part of the “L” word ……. But we will just keep “L” hushed for now.

Teacher, Teacher

You remember those days when you would walk into the classroom of your first day of class back in school- whether it was high school or college and got your first look sometimes at the person who would be teaching the course that semester. You sometimes wondered who that teacher was and what brought them there to teach you (why in the world would anyone want to teach) but mostly you wondered what kind of teacher they were going to be – interesting, hard, demanding, easy- going? Were they friendly? How much could you get away with in their class? Most of time, however, you never wondered who they use to be. It is a different when you are the one standing behind the podium as the instructor responsible for the teaching process and you are actually wondering in your mind whether any of the students are actually wondering who use to be –at least on the outside by appearance.

Today was a huge day for me to stand in that classroom and present myself to a bunch of young people from Generation Y who think and learn so vastly different and may be missing just a tad bit of the respect factor those of us who were educated as Baby Boomers or early Gen-xers. Today I had to stand in front of a bunch young people who question and challenging everything and wonder if that certain question might come sometime during the class. I love to teach and it is not the first time I have done so. I taught many seminars in my days of practicing law on various topics and I have actually stood behind that podium before for seven years as an Adjunct Faculty teaching. If the students will open their minds and participate and be willing to learn I feel I can offer much to them and maybe help them grow or even spark some drive in them. I can learn a lot from teaching as well as I truly believe interacting with younger people helps keep you young yourself and you too can learn much from them – especially if it involves technology. Most of these students have grown up all their life with technology from time they toddled into preschool. It’s almost scary how much the world has been turned upside down by technology in the last 15-20 years and the young people of the newest generations have absorbed every bit of it. Heck I was happy with touch tone phones and color TVs. Today my “cell phone” has more “apps” on it than I have shoes and I am not entirely convinced that somewhere in the device are not the launch codes for our country’s defenses or the secrets to the mystery of human civilization.

I was interviewed twice for the position and had to do a practice teach and evidently the faculty were impressed with the same and they offered me the position. However, on no fewer than four documents did I have to “out” myself to my new employer during the employment paperwork process. Transgendered people always love those questions that ask “Have you been known by any other name? “ Let’s see…hmmmm….and gees it does not exactly fit my present presentation or any of my legal documents today. But I will give them credit, they hired me anyway. Maybe they see a talent in me that has only seen a glimpse of light here and there over the years but maybe shines a bit more radiantly now that that dreary old shell has been torn away to reveal the real me.

The question of the day however, is whether the students see that light or whether they care that that old shell was once there. Even more frightening is whether I can keep their interest in world where their learning is fragmented and pans way beyond mere lectures. I have sought to invoke technology in my lesson plans in research projects and various A/V aides including power point and such. I also plan to segment the class into different activities such as class discussion and groups and guest speakers and even in-class simulations. I will put my all into this process and hopefully my love of teaching will show and carry the day against the rumblings of questions that may fill their minds about who this teacher is and more importantly who she use to be at least in outward presentation.

Today I stood before this group of young people as my true self without barriers and tried to stimulate them to enjoy and be active in politics and governments. I even had one student already tell me she had failed the class twice and would need my help to pass it. I told I would do so and I plan to keep my word and help anyone who is willing to try so she can succeed in her endeavors. That is what teachers do and I intend to be that type of teacher. I can learn a lot form young people just as they can learn from me and maybe we both will grow. I smiled the whole time I was at the podium and cracked a few jokes and tried to get them excited about the subject. I really did enjoy the experience and feel if given the opportunities I can be successful. Teaching can be stressful and troubling at times but it can be rewarding. I remember when I taught before and it was a good thing when a student came up and said that the class was challenging but interesting or years later if one came up to me and told me that learned a lot in my class and it helped them in their career. The pay is not great in teaching and should be better but that is a whole another blog in itself but money is not everything and there are rewards way beyond monetary ones in the teaching profession.

All I ask is that the school and students give Melissa a chance and do not make judgments about me simply because my spirit once contained itself trapped in another vessel and who I use to be physically. Time will tell and if the paperwork does not bury me alive I may just have found something I enjoy doing with my life and honestly may be pretty good at doing. Well it is time to go prepare some lesson plans and assignments and fill out paperwork. Time will indeed tell for this teacher and whether I will be successful and given that chance and I have already begun preparing myself for the role if it does ……oh teacher… “is that material going to be on the test?” Hmmmm…….I just went over that three times and told you to remember this point and it was in my power point and my handouts and highlighted in the book…..what do you think??