They say true friends are sometimes hard to hard. True friends stay with you no matter what and support you and try to understand and help you when you need it and pull you up when you are down and share in your joys. As I have mentioned previously in some earlier blogs, I never let the shell develop many friends although I had many acquaintances. I know so may people in my area I have worked and lived for so long but the only few male friends I developed were about three people I regularly worked with for nearly twenty years and some friends left over from college days when I played the “frat boy” and we see each other a few times a year. This week this group of people will find out about Melissa as I move through the process of coming out to all and ultimately living my life as Melissa as I have always to do. There are many exciting days ahead of me as I begin that life and move to another city and look for work and live life as Melissa and move forward on my surgeries and such. These people need to know and they will in the next few days and I am fine with that as it is the next logical step in this process following coming clean to wife, children, in-laws, nephews and nieces and cousins and the other plethora of extended family members.
I suspect most if not all of these people will reject me as Melissa and my transition and relocation to live my life as I always saw it would be lived. These guys are mostly kind of macho thinking, conservative guys who like more traditional “male oriented” activities. One is a gay friend who, although part of the LGBT community, is so absorbed on his own issues and has been for twenty years- still not even fully coming out to his friends except me, although everyone has known for twenty-five years. One of the local friends is a bright, independent thinking generally open minded person and I may stand a chance with him but I doubt more than 1-2 of this narrow- minded bunch will accept and support my need to live my life as who I truly am- Melissa. I have never really worried much about whether they do as I have developed many friends in the community and I will remain such with them despite my transition. I will never forget how I started in this community, the love and support they gave me as I moved through this journey. I have always counted on them and knew that every single male friend I lost someday I would have four to five of my community of friends to replace them. I feel that they have lost a friend by their own choosing. Of course my sisters understand and support more because they are in some manner transgendered themselves and most, if not all, never really knew the shell.
I have a few friends from the “other” side of the aisle. This week at a conference I was attending I came out to Cathy and Mary. These people helped me get my start in my industry and with my business and have always been fun loving, easy going, open minded, liberal thinking people and we have worked together on several projects over the years. We have always gotten along very well. I decided before I came to the conference that I was going to tell them. I saw them the other night at our opening reception and Cathy spoke first and she said she sensed something was troubling me and thought there had been on our last collaboration in February of this year. She looked at me and first said “what is the deal with the earrings” and I asked her if she like them! She said you are getting divorced aren’t you and I answered affirmatively. She first speculated it was because I had an affair with some young thing and then that my wife had done the same. I answered negatively. Then she leans over and says “You haven’t gone over to the other side have you?” I roared with laughter. No- I said I am not gay. She says the suspense is killing her and she has to know so I lean over during the reception and tell her “It’s because I am transgendered.” She was shocked at first and said I played the cover up game well.
After getting a round of drinks I talked with some more but did not get to finish the story until later when I told Mary as well. I started at the beginning and told them everything including my future plans. They were genuinely happy for me and said they accepted, understood and would continue to support me as a friend. Cathy told me that those who won’t “really weren’t your real friend anyway”. Mary told me that life is too short and one has to live it as they see fit and be happy (now where have I heard that one before –LOL) Both of them hugged me and asked some more questions and hugged me several times throughout our evening together. They offered some advice on career movement as well in our professional field. They were as cool as two friends could be and I was so happy I told both of them. True friends are indeed rare and Cathy and Mary qualify as such………of course I should have figured it would be the woman friends who would do so. So now they have a new shopping partner as we discussed all sorts of fashion and accessories as the evening went on with much laughter and some hugs shared among friends!
I suspect most if not all of these people will reject me as Melissa and my transition and relocation to live my life as I always saw it would be lived. These guys are mostly kind of macho thinking, conservative guys who like more traditional “male oriented” activities. One is a gay friend who, although part of the LGBT community, is so absorbed on his own issues and has been for twenty years- still not even fully coming out to his friends except me, although everyone has known for twenty-five years. One of the local friends is a bright, independent thinking generally open minded person and I may stand a chance with him but I doubt more than 1-2 of this narrow- minded bunch will accept and support my need to live my life as who I truly am- Melissa. I have never really worried much about whether they do as I have developed many friends in the community and I will remain such with them despite my transition. I will never forget how I started in this community, the love and support they gave me as I moved through this journey. I have always counted on them and knew that every single male friend I lost someday I would have four to five of my community of friends to replace them. I feel that they have lost a friend by their own choosing. Of course my sisters understand and support more because they are in some manner transgendered themselves and most, if not all, never really knew the shell.
I have a few friends from the “other” side of the aisle. This week at a conference I was attending I came out to Cathy and Mary. These people helped me get my start in my industry and with my business and have always been fun loving, easy going, open minded, liberal thinking people and we have worked together on several projects over the years. We have always gotten along very well. I decided before I came to the conference that I was going to tell them. I saw them the other night at our opening reception and Cathy spoke first and she said she sensed something was troubling me and thought there had been on our last collaboration in February of this year. She looked at me and first said “what is the deal with the earrings” and I asked her if she like them! She said you are getting divorced aren’t you and I answered affirmatively. She first speculated it was because I had an affair with some young thing and then that my wife had done the same. I answered negatively. Then she leans over and says “You haven’t gone over to the other side have you?” I roared with laughter. No- I said I am not gay. She says the suspense is killing her and she has to know so I lean over during the reception and tell her “It’s because I am transgendered.” She was shocked at first and said I played the cover up game well.
After getting a round of drinks I talked with some more but did not get to finish the story until later when I told Mary as well. I started at the beginning and told them everything including my future plans. They were genuinely happy for me and said they accepted, understood and would continue to support me as a friend. Cathy told me that those who won’t “really weren’t your real friend anyway”. Mary told me that life is too short and one has to live it as they see fit and be happy (now where have I heard that one before –LOL) Both of them hugged me and asked some more questions and hugged me several times throughout our evening together. They offered some advice on career movement as well in our professional field. They were as cool as two friends could be and I was so happy I told both of them. True friends are indeed rare and Cathy and Mary qualify as such………of course I should have figured it would be the woman friends who would do so. So now they have a new shopping partner as we discussed all sorts of fashion and accessories as the evening went on with much laughter and some hugs shared among friends!
1 comment:
Melissa, darling welcome to the other side of your heart. I commend you for making the choice to be yourself. Your friends have given you some very good advice, so just live as you know yourself to be and make new friends. Am so glad that you can continue with your career.
If you visit my blog, you will notice that I developed breast cancer after just a year on hormones, so if there is any strong history of breast cancer, learn to do your self breast exams once a month, please.
Sarah
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