Chocolate Chip Cookies, purple cows, the absence of family contact and being in name limbo occupy my time this week as I continue to move forward in my life living it fulltime as Melissa. I received my first and only e-mail from my wife since our separation and all without a call or e-mail from either of my children. I have not spoken to my son in six weeks and I will tell you ladies- that hurts very deeply. I love my children but I know I must give them some space and time and hope that someday they will want to speak to me, see me and even spend some time with me as their parent who loves them so very much! The letter from the wife was most interesting in that it was mostly filled with poignant barbs and facts about the expenses and car titles and lawyers and absolutely nothing about how she is coping, what our children are doing in their life. There were also some interesting points about this e-mail.
First it was sent to my business e-mil account and not my personal e-mail account. Want to know why? Because my personal e-mail account has the name Melissa in it and my business one does not. Why is this important to my wife? Because she cannot say the word “Melissa” despite the fact it is my name. The e-mail was not addressed to anyone – no name whatsoever. Secondly, my wife forwarded some mail to me this week as well. When I got the envelope it had no first name on it…..just blank space and then my last name. For God sake- how hard is it to call me by name- Melissa? I realized I have a long way to go to even reach the goals of at least being cordial friends with my soon to be ex-wife but the loving mother of our beautiful children. However, if my wife cannot even say my name or write it in letter or e-mail, then how are my children ever to learn of me and share any of our lives together? It is also very difficult operating without any bank accounts or any credit cards that match your identity you are presenting but I hope this will come to an end with my impending legal name change. I cannot move forward in my life without it for sure. Sometimes I feel like I am in “name limbo” all while undergoing the distancing of myself from my core family. The bridge I must walk on this journey is a long one!
Paula has been coming down to visit for three day weekends and move some of things to our new home in Ohio. We have been out exploring some of the community in which we reside. The people have been very friendly and I have enjoyed interacting with some of the people at the post office, Wal-Mart and Kroger’s Infact, I experienced my first male flirtation the other day in the meat department of the store while shopping as this scrappy, young rugged looking man wanted to discuss the thickness of bacon for some extended period of time. I almost laughed out loud. I think the best approach to people is to be friendly and smile and wish them a wonderful day. It always seems to help if they make me as TG or think I am GG. Paula brought down some old dressers which we worked on restoring them for use.
During the move in of some of her outfits Paula started commenting on her dresses including one she stated made her look like a cow. Since it was a purple dress I began teasing her on the “purple cow”. I am sure she is exaggerating on its effects but we did spend some time discussing “purple cows” and laughing. Paula has been experiencing my culinary skills as well and she claims she will gain fifty pounds when she moves here full time in late October or November. I will too if I don’t find a way to get some exercise like I use to when I lived in WV. I enjoy cooking and baking and have made some wonderful meals for myself or Paula if she is here although Jenny has been in NM for a couple weeks and has missed out on the delectable delights. I also found Paula’s great weakness in bake goods. I made some chocolate chip cookies- from scratch of course as any good chef should do so. Paula is certified devoted “chocolate chip cookie junkie”. She ate three within one minute of me putting them on cooling rack. She continued eating them all afternoon and then ate more for dessert. If I had not hid most of them she would have ate them all. I think Paula would sell her soul to the devil or her body to the streets for a batch of chocolate chip cookies. However it was nice to see her enjoy my culinary skills! I guess if she keeps eating those cookies she may turn into that dreaded purple cow!
The week ahead will be some new ground for me as I take on my first Board meeting and professional event as Melissa and this will be a great triumph for me but I will be nervous I am sure. I am going to rely on my strategy of smiling and greeting people and wishing them a great day! Maybe I should bake them some chocolate chip cookies too!
First it was sent to my business e-mil account and not my personal e-mail account. Want to know why? Because my personal e-mail account has the name Melissa in it and my business one does not. Why is this important to my wife? Because she cannot say the word “Melissa” despite the fact it is my name. The e-mail was not addressed to anyone – no name whatsoever. Secondly, my wife forwarded some mail to me this week as well. When I got the envelope it had no first name on it…..just blank space and then my last name. For God sake- how hard is it to call me by name- Melissa? I realized I have a long way to go to even reach the goals of at least being cordial friends with my soon to be ex-wife but the loving mother of our beautiful children. However, if my wife cannot even say my name or write it in letter or e-mail, then how are my children ever to learn of me and share any of our lives together? It is also very difficult operating without any bank accounts or any credit cards that match your identity you are presenting but I hope this will come to an end with my impending legal name change. I cannot move forward in my life without it for sure. Sometimes I feel like I am in “name limbo” all while undergoing the distancing of myself from my core family. The bridge I must walk on this journey is a long one!
Paula has been coming down to visit for three day weekends and move some of things to our new home in Ohio. We have been out exploring some of the community in which we reside. The people have been very friendly and I have enjoyed interacting with some of the people at the post office, Wal-Mart and Kroger’s Infact, I experienced my first male flirtation the other day in the meat department of the store while shopping as this scrappy, young rugged looking man wanted to discuss the thickness of bacon for some extended period of time. I almost laughed out loud. I think the best approach to people is to be friendly and smile and wish them a wonderful day. It always seems to help if they make me as TG or think I am GG. Paula brought down some old dressers which we worked on restoring them for use.
During the move in of some of her outfits Paula started commenting on her dresses including one she stated made her look like a cow. Since it was a purple dress I began teasing her on the “purple cow”. I am sure she is exaggerating on its effects but we did spend some time discussing “purple cows” and laughing. Paula has been experiencing my culinary skills as well and she claims she will gain fifty pounds when she moves here full time in late October or November. I will too if I don’t find a way to get some exercise like I use to when I lived in WV. I enjoy cooking and baking and have made some wonderful meals for myself or Paula if she is here although Jenny has been in NM for a couple weeks and has missed out on the delectable delights. I also found Paula’s great weakness in bake goods. I made some chocolate chip cookies- from scratch of course as any good chef should do so. Paula is certified devoted “chocolate chip cookie junkie”. She ate three within one minute of me putting them on cooling rack. She continued eating them all afternoon and then ate more for dessert. If I had not hid most of them she would have ate them all. I think Paula would sell her soul to the devil or her body to the streets for a batch of chocolate chip cookies. However it was nice to see her enjoy my culinary skills! I guess if she keeps eating those cookies she may turn into that dreaded purple cow!
The week ahead will be some new ground for me as I take on my first Board meeting and professional event as Melissa and this will be a great triumph for me but I will be nervous I am sure. I am going to rely on my strategy of smiling and greeting people and wishing them a great day! Maybe I should bake them some chocolate chip cookies too!
No comments:
Post a Comment