Are any of you fans of the Bob Newhart shows on television? Both his old where he was working as a psychologist in Chicago and his newer one where he was an innkeeper in Vermont are seen many nights on Nick at Night and will likely live on in syndication for some time. If any of you remember on this last episode of the newer series in Vermont, Bob rolls over in bed and finds his old wife Suzanne Pleshette from the old show next to him and apparently he dreamed the entire seven seasons of the new show and it never really happened. Of course, the episode was absolutely hilarious and was a spoof on the series “Dallas” in which the entire season without Bobby was suppose to have been a dream and never really happened to explain his absence from the show.
Sometimes I feel like those episodes of the old TV shows. I sometimes wonder if I wake up one morning and find myself in my old body and deeply imbedded in my old shell and lying next to my ex-wife in my old bed in my old house we shared for so many years and all that has happened since I left has been a dream. My wonderful life with Paula and my transition, surgeries and hormone changes and all that has happened to me since I left to live life as who I truly am- Melissa was all a wonderful dream and I am still living the lie. Don’t get me wrong and with no insult to my ex-wife who was and remains a sweet loving and intelligent woman who I dearly hope finds some equally special person to fill her life with happiness, but if all that has happened has been a dream, the taste of what my life as Melissa would be like through the dream would only serve to compel me to move forward and end up transitioning and living life as I was meant to live it- as Melissa! Hopefully, the new life would also involve Paula who I enjoy waking up next to each day as we talk or cuddle or hold hands and listen to the sounds of the world awaking outside or the bird singing in the room next door. She is such an important part of my life and my journey and I truly realize how much I am a very big part of hers too.
The question came up the other day between us about where we would be in our lives without each other- if we had never met in May of 2007 on that night in Toledo when we talked for two hours. As you know from my earlier blogs, Paula fell in love with me that night. She carried the torch silently and never let on about it as we became great friends. A year later when I realized that I had fallen in love with her we began our relationship as soul mates, best friends and partners in life and love. Next week we plan to celebrate our one year anniversary together. However, I agree with her in that it was fate that brought us together that night and through our meeting and friendship and evolution into a deep caring love we found each other as soul mates. Paula thinks neither of us would be where we are today in our transitions if it was not for our meeting that warm spring night two years ago and she is probably right. We both might still be living in our old lives pretending to be someone we were not or maybe we would be early on in transition but struggling alone as many in our community do. I feel so fortunate to have met her, to have become friends with her and to found Melissa’s soul mate and partner in life and to have my love around each day and night with me as we move forward together.
We support each other as we have struggled or continue to struggle with divorces and loss of contact with those we love deeply as well as through our transitions involving so many new emotions, feelings and difficult trials including our surgeries. Somehow I know we will both make it being together supporting each other and helping bring the true essence of ourselves to life and continue to grow as Paula and Melissa. I know that our love will grow even deeper as we enrich each other’s spirit and lift each other’s soul-even in our darkest hours. Together we will grow as both ourselves and as soul mates in life and love. I shudder to think where I would be in my journey without her and I know she feels likewise. That is why I know I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night or early morning hours just to make sure she is still there and make sure I have not been dreaming this life. No Bob Newhart or Dallas episodes for me please!
Sometimes I feel like those episodes of the old TV shows. I sometimes wonder if I wake up one morning and find myself in my old body and deeply imbedded in my old shell and lying next to my ex-wife in my old bed in my old house we shared for so many years and all that has happened since I left has been a dream. My wonderful life with Paula and my transition, surgeries and hormone changes and all that has happened to me since I left to live life as who I truly am- Melissa was all a wonderful dream and I am still living the lie. Don’t get me wrong and with no insult to my ex-wife who was and remains a sweet loving and intelligent woman who I dearly hope finds some equally special person to fill her life with happiness, but if all that has happened has been a dream, the taste of what my life as Melissa would be like through the dream would only serve to compel me to move forward and end up transitioning and living life as I was meant to live it- as Melissa! Hopefully, the new life would also involve Paula who I enjoy waking up next to each day as we talk or cuddle or hold hands and listen to the sounds of the world awaking outside or the bird singing in the room next door. She is such an important part of my life and my journey and I truly realize how much I am a very big part of hers too.
The question came up the other day between us about where we would be in our lives without each other- if we had never met in May of 2007 on that night in Toledo when we talked for two hours. As you know from my earlier blogs, Paula fell in love with me that night. She carried the torch silently and never let on about it as we became great friends. A year later when I realized that I had fallen in love with her we began our relationship as soul mates, best friends and partners in life and love. Next week we plan to celebrate our one year anniversary together. However, I agree with her in that it was fate that brought us together that night and through our meeting and friendship and evolution into a deep caring love we found each other as soul mates. Paula thinks neither of us would be where we are today in our transitions if it was not for our meeting that warm spring night two years ago and she is probably right. We both might still be living in our old lives pretending to be someone we were not or maybe we would be early on in transition but struggling alone as many in our community do. I feel so fortunate to have met her, to have become friends with her and to found Melissa’s soul mate and partner in life and to have my love around each day and night with me as we move forward together.
We support each other as we have struggled or continue to struggle with divorces and loss of contact with those we love deeply as well as through our transitions involving so many new emotions, feelings and difficult trials including our surgeries. Somehow I know we will both make it being together supporting each other and helping bring the true essence of ourselves to life and continue to grow as Paula and Melissa. I know that our love will grow even deeper as we enrich each other’s spirit and lift each other’s soul-even in our darkest hours. Together we will grow as both ourselves and as soul mates in life and love. I shudder to think where I would be in my journey without her and I know she feels likewise. That is why I know I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night or early morning hours just to make sure she is still there and make sure I have not been dreaming this life. No Bob Newhart or Dallas episodes for me please!
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