After some weeks of blogs that focused more on the negative than the positive although there were great periods of pain and some good news sprinkled about over last couple months, I chose this week to discuss my great joy in beginning my new life living fulltime as Melissa. I spent last week in intense physical workouts as a result of the moving of furniture and packing of boxes and loading of my u-haul truck which contained parts of my life over the last forty something years. I am still sore even today from all that lifting and carrying which was even more difficult due to my weaker upper body strength as my body continues to take the shape of the woman I have always been but hid so well for so long! On Friday morning, my wife left for work as usual and we decided to say our goodbyes then. I have known her for 28 years and we ended it in a goodbye that lasted a few tender moments. We held each other and cried and she said she hope it all works out for me in the future and I told her I wish her peace and happiness and that we needed to stay in touch and she said she would try to do so. With that parting I finished throwing the last of my stuff on the truck and cleaned up and presented my self as Melissa and drove off for my new home south of Columbus Ohio. My only regret was that had to become a “damn Yankee” in order to live life as Melissa although I will always be a southern girl by heart. Earlier that week I had gone to my doctor for the last time and she thought I looked great and so happy and she hugged me and wished me well in my life. Later that day I saw my minister (Episcopal priest) and he took me to lunch as Melissa and we discussed my life, the nature of transgendered people and I asked him to look after my wife left behind. He promised to do so and to stay in touch and wanted to read some of my writings and I sent him some later and he replied wishing me well and much peace in my journey.
I rolled into my new home on Friday afternoon to begin living life with Jenny and Paula and the three of us unloaded my truck and began to assemble my life in my new crib! I had a lot of fun although Jenny felt a little crammed as she had spread out into so many rooms and now had to share space and closets and bathroom cabinets with other girls. However, she had lived alone for nearly a year and I think she likes her new roomies and the company of others and we had a great Friday night together watching our new TV (the one that use to be in the entertainment center of my old homestead) and eating delicious pizza we ordered from a local pizza joint whose number is now stored in my cell phone. On Saturday morning we learned how to juggle three girls in and out of a showers and makeup mirrors. We worked on more moving and un-boxing of items and the integration of three lives into one home of great character. Jenny’s home is beautiful old home built in 1911- at a time when things were built to last and built big and with much style and flair and attention to details. I finally had a bedroom I always wanted once the strong bodied men finished carrying in the bed and assembling it. I have a closet full of my clothes- the ones I will now wear everyday and should have been wearing all my life. The bed is done in pinks and whites and lavender colors and accented by candles and pictures and a soft flowing feminine appeal. It is the room I dreamed of having all my life and I stood and looked at it all in the doorway with amazement and much happiness. I was saddened a bit by having to leave behind my kitties I love so much but Jenny remedied that with the presence of her wonderful little kitties that are so friendly and affectionate I love them already. For good measure she added in a gorgeous African Grey parrot whose best trick is her replication of the phone ringing! Jenny is leaving for a few weeks of work in NM and Paula must finish up her work before her retirement from a job that is tearing her down so much. That will leave more time for me to get everything organized in the new house and to take care of the little loving creatures which we share our space with in this new abode.
My life is definitely different than it was when the year began. Hormones, electrolysis, divorce and relocation to a new home all were dramatic enough but now I get to live life everyday being who I really am – Melissa. I wake up as Melissa, I spend the day as Melissa and I interact with others as Melissa. No more hiding the real me behind an ugly shell! Freedom has its price for sure- emotionally, physically and financially and the road ahead is not all a bed of roses by any stretch of the imagination! However, that is something I am prepared for and I await and embrace the new challenges with renewed energy and a sense I am now living the life I should have always been leading. It is too bad it took so long to figure all this out but I now know I am living it the way it should be lived everyday of the reminder of my life. The shell lies in pieces at my feet and more like in a shattered pile of rubble a few feet behind me. My life is at new beginning and I am open to all the possibilities it now presents and I look forward to getting up each day and looking in the mirror and the reflection which comes back is the real me- the one that was always there but hidden away too well. I love my new beginning and I am renewed to move forward in my life and all that it offers me. I am open to so many possibilities and I am a happy I am now presenting myself honestly for who I am and always have been- Melissa! Because of this and despite the bumps and bruises it has caused many including me, I am joyful and happy and ready to face the challenges of life, most of which have nothing to do with being transgendered. It is living life the way it was meant to be lived- it is a new beginning!
I rolled into my new home on Friday afternoon to begin living life with Jenny and Paula and the three of us unloaded my truck and began to assemble my life in my new crib! I had a lot of fun although Jenny felt a little crammed as she had spread out into so many rooms and now had to share space and closets and bathroom cabinets with other girls. However, she had lived alone for nearly a year and I think she likes her new roomies and the company of others and we had a great Friday night together watching our new TV (the one that use to be in the entertainment center of my old homestead) and eating delicious pizza we ordered from a local pizza joint whose number is now stored in my cell phone. On Saturday morning we learned how to juggle three girls in and out of a showers and makeup mirrors. We worked on more moving and un-boxing of items and the integration of three lives into one home of great character. Jenny’s home is beautiful old home built in 1911- at a time when things were built to last and built big and with much style and flair and attention to details. I finally had a bedroom I always wanted once the strong bodied men finished carrying in the bed and assembling it. I have a closet full of my clothes- the ones I will now wear everyday and should have been wearing all my life. The bed is done in pinks and whites and lavender colors and accented by candles and pictures and a soft flowing feminine appeal. It is the room I dreamed of having all my life and I stood and looked at it all in the doorway with amazement and much happiness. I was saddened a bit by having to leave behind my kitties I love so much but Jenny remedied that with the presence of her wonderful little kitties that are so friendly and affectionate I love them already. For good measure she added in a gorgeous African Grey parrot whose best trick is her replication of the phone ringing! Jenny is leaving for a few weeks of work in NM and Paula must finish up her work before her retirement from a job that is tearing her down so much. That will leave more time for me to get everything organized in the new house and to take care of the little loving creatures which we share our space with in this new abode.
My life is definitely different than it was when the year began. Hormones, electrolysis, divorce and relocation to a new home all were dramatic enough but now I get to live life everyday being who I really am – Melissa. I wake up as Melissa, I spend the day as Melissa and I interact with others as Melissa. No more hiding the real me behind an ugly shell! Freedom has its price for sure- emotionally, physically and financially and the road ahead is not all a bed of roses by any stretch of the imagination! However, that is something I am prepared for and I await and embrace the new challenges with renewed energy and a sense I am now living the life I should have always been leading. It is too bad it took so long to figure all this out but I now know I am living it the way it should be lived everyday of the reminder of my life. The shell lies in pieces at my feet and more like in a shattered pile of rubble a few feet behind me. My life is at new beginning and I am open to all the possibilities it now presents and I look forward to getting up each day and looking in the mirror and the reflection which comes back is the real me- the one that was always there but hidden away too well. I love my new beginning and I am renewed to move forward in my life and all that it offers me. I am open to so many possibilities and I am a happy I am now presenting myself honestly for who I am and always have been- Melissa! Because of this and despite the bumps and bruises it has caused many including me, I am joyful and happy and ready to face the challenges of life, most of which have nothing to do with being transgendered. It is living life the way it was meant to be lived- it is a new beginning!
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