The Holidays and Bah Humbug

The Holidays and Bah Humbug

I have generally truly loved the holidays over the years but 2008 presents a different perspective on this period than anytime in the past. I still enjoy the lights and love to decorate the house and Christmas tree and this year’s tree may be the best looking tree I have ever had since the days of my youth. I always bake 7-8 different kinds of cookies and this year was no different. I got to go through the most holiday light display this side of the Mississippi River when driving back from Philadelphia after Thanksgiving and toured the displays at Olgebay Park in Wheeling WV (folks if you have not seen this display you really need to do so as the exhibits are huge and spectacular and draw big crowds every night!). Thanksgiving went great as my sister-in-law and my nephew and his new bride and my niece and her significant boyfriend got to meet Melissa for the first time joined by Paula for a huge feast we all prepared together. They asked a million questions which was good and they opened their hearts a well as their home. It could not have been a better Thanksgiving filled with warmth and love and acceptance. However, it vastly different than any Thanksgiving in the past as it was the first one I had ever spent with them- not just as Melissa but ever! That was my mistake and I intend not to repeat it.
I have been doing my usual holiday shopping and I kept up my tradition of having a holiday dinner party as I have done ever year since 1985. However, this year’s location and guest list was vastly different than the past one’s in West Virginia that is for sure!!! Dan and Cathy and Tom and Christy or Stu or David were replaced by Chloe, Lana and Debbie and Sandy, Joann and Jessica and Cyndy and Diane and others from my new family of friends and sisters in the transgendered community. Paula and I enjoyed them all so much and everyone enjoyed catching up with all the happenings (Congrats again to Lana who came out on her job at the Fire Department and began living fulltime last weekend! We all know the courage it takes to do these things). Everyone had a nice time and enjoyed the company of each other and some nice food. Paula and I will attend some lovely holiday events as well including this Saturday’s dinner in Columbus. I have finished much of my shopping and I have wrapped them up including ones I bought for my children and soon to be ex wife who will not address me by my name or write to me civilly. I doubt I will get any from them but that is OK. I also wrote my children a note and put it in their Christmas cards to let them know I always think of them and wish them well in their life as well as update them on a few things. I doubt I will get any communication from them such as a card, e-mail or note of thanks and that will hurt a great deal! I cried when I wrote them their letters mainly because I miss them so much and know they will not respond- shutting me out of their lives.
Christmas time and the holidays always seemed like a gentler time when people were a bit kinder to their fellow creatures and opened their hearts a little bit more than usual despite the fact it should be done everyday! People tended to be a in a better mood and the holidays meant time with families and friends. I always enjoy seeing a production of “A Christmas Carol” during the holiday season! The friends I have now are vastly different but there are lots more of them and the friendships so much deeper and rewarding than the past. So the only thing that is missing is my family but that piece is a mighty big piece my friends, although I do consider my friends in the Trans community to be my extended family of sisters and brothers. Holidays are toughest times for transgendered people separated from their loved ones and neither I nor Paula are immune to this and it hurts deeply I can tell you. I know Paula seems to be growing more moody by the day knowing she is not welcome to visit her children or grandkids she adores so much or her mother and father who have rejected her outright because she is transgendered. These people act like we carry a plague or something.
I know I will miss spending time with my children and putting my arms around them and telling them I love them so much! I miss my parents who have died right before my eyes over the last few years. On Christmas day I know Paula and I will sit by the phone hoping it will ring except when are attending the holiday dinner for the community of others like us who have been discarded by their families simply because we could no longer pretend to be someone we are not or to look at ourselves in a mirror. We will hope that the phone will ring and a kind word will be offered by a family member which will ease the pain and raise the spirits! However, I know Paula and I will not be getting those calls but I guess the holidays are a time for hope and dreams. Sometimes I want to say “Bah Humbug” to the whole process but I can’t – my heart simply won’t let me and I will do my best, as will Paula, to foster a warm holiday spirit and cheer despite the silent treatment of our loved ones. I wish you all the peace and happiness and joy of the holiday season and best wishes for a great new year in 2009! Hugs! .
Pictured above is some of the girls who stopped by for our Holiday dinner party Saturday except for Joann who took the pics and Barb and Sandy who had gone back to their hotel rooms to crash.
Want to do something fullfilling during the holidays.....donate your time or donate a toy for child in a secret Santa program or volunteer for a oragnization that you belive in and most of all, try to be a bit kinder to your fellow creatures including those who hate you for who you are as a person.