Wow……………2008 for me was like a roller coaster ride that never seemed to end and each and every turn and severe dip in the track this wild year was to be cherished but with much trepidation as well. I feel physically and emotionally drained and yet I also feel so alive and fresh and renewed and full of hope. Things are definitely different for me than a year ago. One year ago I was living in West Virginia with my wife and my daughter who was home for the holidays in her senior year of college and my son who was about to finish his senior year of high school and his senior season of a game he played so well for so long- baseball. One year ago I had not begun electrolysis or the administration of hormones although I had been working with a gender therapist since July of 2007. I was not living fulltime as a woman and only a handful of people outside the community even knew of Melissa. I had by the fall of 2007 decided I needed to transition to live my life in my true essence of who I was and always had been all my life but fought the emergence of at nearly every turn. It is the person I should have lived as all my life except for the fact I was born with the wrong damn body parts.
As I sit here today on the cusp of 2009, I am not only separated but now legally divorced from my wife of 24 plus years. While we cried a lot the day I fully came clean to her and she found my letter to her explaining who I was and what I needed to do. We have talked little since that week in which much was disclosed but since then our communication has been filled with angry e-mails from her and much miscommunication and lack of communication. On the day we finally worked out an agreement for our divorce, I thought she was more peaceful and resolute but since then, communication has been very limited albeit more than my children which have not spoken to me since July. I sent my children and my ex wife Christmas gifts and cards. I expected no gift in return. I hoped I might actually get a card in return from one of them or possibly phone call over the holidays or even an e-mail thanking me for the gifts. I guess even that was too much to ask for the person who helped raise them and took interest in their life and who wanted nothing but happiness for them. My family has wiped me out of existence. Maybe someday this may change but I expect not any time soon.
As the New Year is about to dawn I live in central Ohio where I live and work fulltime as Melissa and truly enjoy life and the peace it brings me doing so. I am so comfortable as Melissa I cannot even imagine life any other way! I have found my internal peace but still have much to go and learn in my transition. All I am doing now is changing my anatomy and appearance and such to reflect my true essence. I began the year legally known as R. Russell Alexander but since early this fall, my legal name now reflects my true inner soul and essence – Melissa Marie Alexander. Every soul in my old towns of the past and beyond knows about me now and I have lost many friends and most importantly much family since the year began for sure.
Early on in January of 2008 I began the ingestion of hormones that have brought me more hips and ass, soft beautiful breasts and smoother skin that truly feels so feminine. Countless hours of electrolysis has brought smoothness to my face that no longer has any semblance of shadow. I know now I should have been born and lived my life as a woman all these long years but I will not live in regret. I can make sure that the remainder of my life is lived as it was meant to be lived as a woman (albeit a transgendered one). As this year comes to a close I now live with my soul mate, lover and best friend in the world ……….Paula Katherine Prichard. I am a lesbian but that is who I am sexually. I also live with far fewer assets. I took a small smattering of furniture from the old homestead and my pension assets at the close of this year are worth a fraction today partly due to the economic crash of 2008 and partly because half of it now belongs to my ex-wife. It’s part of life and it’s time to move on.
In as much as 2008 was a year full of turns, next year plans to be even wilder and faster that the roller coaster ride of 2008! I will experience some very huge changes in my life physically and emotionally. In just a few short weeks I will travel to Boston to have my face torn apart and rebuilt to be more reflective of Melissa by an exceptionally skilled plastic surgeon. My facial work will enable me to function better as Melissa and give it the feminine appearance it needs to live life as a woman. However, this surgery scares the “heebeegeebees” out of me to be certain! I will emerge from this procedure looking like Frankenstein’s monster! I will be bruised and scarred and bandaged and looking like people took Louisville sluggers to my face and head. I will be in extensive pain and popping pain pills like they are candy. In time the swelling and pain will resolve and I hope it will reflect Melissa as I always have envisioned her and help me pass more in the world.
As I sit here today on the cusp of 2009, I am not only separated but now legally divorced from my wife of 24 plus years. While we cried a lot the day I fully came clean to her and she found my letter to her explaining who I was and what I needed to do. We have talked little since that week in which much was disclosed but since then our communication has been filled with angry e-mails from her and much miscommunication and lack of communication. On the day we finally worked out an agreement for our divorce, I thought she was more peaceful and resolute but since then, communication has been very limited albeit more than my children which have not spoken to me since July. I sent my children and my ex wife Christmas gifts and cards. I expected no gift in return. I hoped I might actually get a card in return from one of them or possibly phone call over the holidays or even an e-mail thanking me for the gifts. I guess even that was too much to ask for the person who helped raise them and took interest in their life and who wanted nothing but happiness for them. My family has wiped me out of existence. Maybe someday this may change but I expect not any time soon.
As the New Year is about to dawn I live in central Ohio where I live and work fulltime as Melissa and truly enjoy life and the peace it brings me doing so. I am so comfortable as Melissa I cannot even imagine life any other way! I have found my internal peace but still have much to go and learn in my transition. All I am doing now is changing my anatomy and appearance and such to reflect my true essence. I began the year legally known as R. Russell Alexander but since early this fall, my legal name now reflects my true inner soul and essence – Melissa Marie Alexander. Every soul in my old towns of the past and beyond knows about me now and I have lost many friends and most importantly much family since the year began for sure.
Early on in January of 2008 I began the ingestion of hormones that have brought me more hips and ass, soft beautiful breasts and smoother skin that truly feels so feminine. Countless hours of electrolysis has brought smoothness to my face that no longer has any semblance of shadow. I know now I should have been born and lived my life as a woman all these long years but I will not live in regret. I can make sure that the remainder of my life is lived as it was meant to be lived as a woman (albeit a transgendered one). As this year comes to a close I now live with my soul mate, lover and best friend in the world ……….Paula Katherine Prichard. I am a lesbian but that is who I am sexually. I also live with far fewer assets. I took a small smattering of furniture from the old homestead and my pension assets at the close of this year are worth a fraction today partly due to the economic crash of 2008 and partly because half of it now belongs to my ex-wife. It’s part of life and it’s time to move on.
In as much as 2008 was a year full of turns, next year plans to be even wilder and faster that the roller coaster ride of 2008! I will experience some very huge changes in my life physically and emotionally. In just a few short weeks I will travel to Boston to have my face torn apart and rebuilt to be more reflective of Melissa by an exceptionally skilled plastic surgeon. My facial work will enable me to function better as Melissa and give it the feminine appearance it needs to live life as a woman. However, this surgery scares the “heebeegeebees” out of me to be certain! I will emerge from this procedure looking like Frankenstein’s monster! I will be bruised and scarred and bandaged and looking like people took Louisville sluggers to my face and head. I will be in extensive pain and popping pain pills like they are candy. In time the swelling and pain will resolve and I hope it will reflect Melissa as I always have envisioned her and help me pass more in the world.
Just about the time I recover from this procedure it will be time to prepare to leave for Philadelphia to undergo more work on my body…this time the creation of the vagina that should have always been there by an equally talented surgeon. A few months after that a little work on expanding the breasts to make them fit my body with some outpatient breast augmentation. By the summer of 2009, my body should finally resemble my inner soul and essence. I will however continue to grow and learn more about being the woman I am and the new body and emotions I have received as I journey through life as a woman and a post-operative TS. It will definitely be another long, wild roller coaster ride for sure in 2009 but I have always loved riding roller coasters all my life and something tells me that I have much more track to cover in the years ahead as well!
I wish each and every one of you a very Happy and Wonderful New Year in 2009! I hope it is filled with peace and happiness! Hugs, Melissa
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