2009-a wild ride that got wilder!

As we come close to closing out yet another year I always take stock in what has happened in my life as we near the dawning of yet another year. 2009 will definitely go down in my memory as the most challenging and exciting years of my life. When I closed out last year I talked about the wild ride for 2008 that brought about many changes and I discussed what was to come in 2009 but that foretelling was only the tip of the iceberg in my life journey. There will probably never be another year like this one but that is good as I need to settle in a bit more although I know there are many more paths to trail in this journey and challenges ahead- at least I hope so anyway!

The beginning of this year brought about the inauguration of a new President - one that only 20 years ago would have seemed nearly impossible. An African- American was installed as our newest President although he came in under circumstances which were far from optimal and far more challenges than many other s had seen in sometime. I was driving to Boston that day with Paula for what would be the first of my surgical procedures on 2008 that would alter my body and anatomy to comport with not only my presentation but my inner essence and soul as well. We stopped in a service center in Connecticut for gas and lunch and watched the process on TV as it unfolded. I would have loved for my father to have seen this as he believed he would never see such a sight in his lifetime and he was right. He died a couple years to soon. My brother – one of the few people I know who actually admits voting for McGovern in 1972 would have loved it to but atlas his life had been cut short not long before our father.

Boston would involve about 13 days of stay in a hotel room while I recovered from the trauma and pain of having my face and head torn apart by a skilled plastic surgeon able to only eat soft foods in small bites and a routine of medicine, ice packing and even boredom relieved only by computer contacts and phone calls and a wickedly lengthy game of gin rummy with my partner, my love and my supporter – Paula! We left there to travel to Philadelphia where we both met with our surgeon to discuss the next round of surgeries as well. I returned home to find out I was had been terminated from working for a company on their planning projects because I was transgendered and people were uncomfortable working with me. I am sure that not too long ago people were uncomfortable working with African Americans and now such individual had become President of this great country of ours! I became more resolved than ever from this experience and Paula and I continued our efforts to seek justice, liberty and equality of opportunity and to pursue our happiness in life by continuing to work with groups such as TransOhio, Equality Ohio and NCTE to promote such concepts through rallies and lobbying, letter writing and meetings and workshops as we sought to have enacted Ohio HB 176 as well as ENDA and the Hate Crimes Bill. Discrimination and hatred against those of us in the LGBT community for simply being who we are and we who we want to be with must end and this struggle for dignity will endure for some time to come. We traveled to our state capital in Columbus as well as our nation’s capital in Washington, DC. There is still so much more work to do and we will continue to pursue these goals and face the challenges in the years to come.

The spring also brought about our move from Circleville to Columbus and we still are so grateful for all our friends who helped in this massive endeavor. I know there would pieces of stuff and some boxes left out in the parking lot of our complex if it was not for these wonderful people and I know simple thanks is not enough. Paula and I have always taken the position that our home is open to all who need to come just to chat or crash for a day or two or however long is needed to our friends even if that principle angered some others through our acts of kindness. We continue to maintain that principle.

By May we were making plans for the first trip to New Hope Pa for my long awaited gender confirmation surgery which others call by many other names such as GRS or SRS. However, to me it was GCS because it confirmed my true gender and being and merely altered the anatomy to comport with that true gender and the essence of who I am and always have been. New Hope is cool town and Dr. McGinn is an exceptional caring physician and my life in New Hope for two weeks again saw many challenges and more assault on my body from the GRs as well as another procedure. Even the preparation process beforehand was nothing fun to write home about! I should have invested in pain medication stocks before this year began- that is sure! I survived another long ordeal on the operating table and days in the hospital with an exceptionally caring staff and then shared a hotel with several other women like me who had undergone the ordeal the same week I did. Some great friendships were built which were not there when the year began.

In July it was time for another trip to New Hope. This time I would be the care provided as Paula underwent the GRS as well as another procedure. She had a bit more difficulty than I did in all this process but we still enjoyed our time in New Hope again. We made more friends and Paula received the same excellent care I did from the staff of the hospital. For both of us our life after these surgeries took on new challenges for us in the form of dilations! Both of us had to push our way through the legal and political process of getting new birth certificates and changing the gender markers on driver’s license and all other governmental and agency records.

Throughout this year Paula and I have become increasingly involved and active in our new spiritual home at North church – am open and affirming congregation of loving people that has extended our circle of friends and who are more like family to us. We are both actively involved in many committees and projects and community outreach endeavors. This church was also the place where Paula and I celebrated our love for each other in a same gender union ceremony in October. Paula and I were so happy to hold this service in front of our friends and “extended family”. We always will cherish the memories of this wonderful day!

This year has brought about a change for me in my career as I embark on yet another occupation. Using my experiences and education and training in government, law and business I became an instructor and embarked on teaching a generation of students that are the same age as my children. I love teaching a great deal and have found much joy and many challenges in this endeavor. Paula and I celebrated our second Christmas together and this marked yet another year that has gone by without contact from our family who have refused to even communicate with us by any means of communication currently known to humankind! It is sad and this lack of even trying on their part causes us some pain but we support each other and with the help of our friends we endure and go forward. Each day that goes by brings about the understanding that such communication and exchange may never come and while that is sad- it is something we have learned to deal with in our lives! I do not know what 2010 has in store myself or for us but after what all has gone in 2009, I don’t see how it could be any more of a wild ride then we have seen over the last couple years!

I wish each of you a beautiful and peaceful and wondrous New Year for 2010!

The Wild Ride !

Wow……………2008 for me was like a roller coaster ride that never seemed to end and each and every turn and severe dip in the track this wild year was to be cherished but with much trepidation as well. I feel physically and emotionally drained and yet I also feel so alive and fresh and renewed and full of hope. Things are definitely different for me than a year ago. One year ago I was living in West Virginia with my wife and my daughter who was home for the holidays in her senior year of college and my son who was about to finish his senior year of high school and his senior season of a game he played so well for so long- baseball. One year ago I had not begun electrolysis or the administration of hormones although I had been working with a gender therapist since July of 2007. I was not living fulltime as a woman and only a handful of people outside the community even knew of Melissa. I had by the fall of 2007 decided I needed to transition to live my life in my true essence of who I was and always had been all my life but fought the emergence of at nearly every turn. It is the person I should have lived as all my life except for the fact I was born with the wrong damn body parts.

As I sit here today on the cusp of 2009, I am not only separated but now legally divorced from my wife of 24 plus years. While we cried a lot the day I fully came clean to her and she found my letter to her explaining who I was and what I needed to do. We have talked little since that week in which much was disclosed but since then our communication has been filled with angry e-mails from her and much miscommunication and lack of communication. On the day we finally worked out an agreement for our divorce, I thought she was more peaceful and resolute but since then, communication has been very limited albeit more than my children which have not spoken to me since July. I sent my children and my ex wife Christmas gifts and cards. I expected no gift in return. I hoped I might actually get a card in return from one of them or possibly phone call over the holidays or even an e-mail thanking me for the gifts. I guess even that was too much to ask for the person who helped raise them and took interest in their life and who wanted nothing but happiness for them. My family has wiped me out of existence. Maybe someday this may change but I expect not any time soon.

As the New Year is about to dawn I live in central Ohio where I live and work fulltime as Melissa and truly enjoy life and the peace it brings me doing so. I am so comfortable as Melissa I cannot even imagine life any other way! I have found my internal peace but still have much to go and learn in my transition. All I am doing now is changing my anatomy and appearance and such to reflect my true essence. I began the year legally known as R. Russell Alexander but since early this fall, my legal name now reflects my true inner soul and essence – Melissa Marie Alexander. Every soul in my old towns of the past and beyond knows about me now and I have lost many friends and most importantly much family since the year began for sure.

Early on in January of 2008 I began the ingestion of hormones that have brought me more hips and ass, soft beautiful breasts and smoother skin that truly feels so feminine. Countless hours of electrolysis has brought smoothness to my face that no longer has any semblance of shadow. I know now I should have been born and lived my life as a woman all these long years but I will not live in regret. I can make sure that the remainder of my life is lived as it was meant to be lived as a woman (albeit a transgendered one). As this year comes to a close I now live with my soul mate, lover and best friend in the world ……….Paula Katherine Prichard. I am a lesbian but that is who I am sexually. I also live with far fewer assets. I took a small smattering of furniture from the old homestead and my pension assets at the close of this year are worth a fraction today partly due to the economic crash of 2008 and partly because half of it now belongs to my ex-wife. It’s part of life and it’s time to move on.

In as much as 2008 was a year full of turns, next year plans to be even wilder and faster that the roller coaster ride of 2008! I will experience some very huge changes in my life physically and emotionally. In just a few short weeks I will travel to Boston to have my face torn apart and rebuilt to be more reflective of Melissa by an exceptionally skilled plastic surgeon. My facial work will enable me to function better as Melissa and give it the feminine appearance it needs to live life as a woman. However, this surgery scares the “heebeegeebees” out of me to be certain! I will emerge from this procedure looking like Frankenstein’s monster! I will be bruised and scarred and bandaged and looking like people took Louisville sluggers to my face and head. I will be in extensive pain and popping pain pills like they are candy. In time the swelling and pain will resolve and I hope it will reflect Melissa as I always have envisioned her and help me pass more in the world.

Just about the time I recover from this procedure it will be time to prepare to leave for Philadelphia to undergo more work on my body…this time the creation of the vagina that should have always been there by an equally talented surgeon. A few months after that a little work on expanding the breasts to make them fit my body with some outpatient breast augmentation. By the summer of 2009, my body should finally resemble my inner soul and essence. I will however continue to grow and learn more about being the woman I am and the new body and emotions I have received as I journey through life as a woman and a post-operative TS. It will definitely be another long, wild roller coaster ride for sure in 2009 but I have always loved riding roller coasters all my life and something tells me that I have much more track to cover in the years ahead as well!

I wish each and every one of you a very Happy and Wonderful New Year in 2009! I hope it is filled with peace and happiness! Hugs, Melissa