The Ominous Birthday!

I remember the day I turned 16 and headed off to take my driver’s test so I could have that coveted driver’s license which would give me so much more freedom, or at least I thought. I still even remember my birthdays as a child with two parties- one for the adults and one for my friends from the neighborhood and school. My mother, who, like me, loved to bake, would always make cupcakes and take them into my grade school on my birthdays as well. The kids would all sing Happy Birthday to me on my special day. I did not mind my birthdays at all-for who would not like cake and ice cream and presents! It was my special day! As I grew older the celebrations diminished but it was my special day and one cannot ever outgrow cake and ice cream not matter what age!

When I turned 18 I remember the wild party that ensued with my high school classmates for I had reached adulthood and was now able to vote, work without restrictions, own my car and other property and for most things treated as an adult. When I turned 21and was able to legally drink everywhere and I remember my friends taking me out for a wild celebration that included each one taking turns buying me shots of their choice (and each trying to be more “creative”) with the expectation that I was to make it to 21 shots in addition to all the other alcohol I had consumed. I remember 17 shots but nothing afterward until about 5 AM in the morning when I was eating at some 24 hour diner with the few survivors. It did not matter- I was young and I was invincible. I did not need sleep and I partied like there was no tomorrow- what did I care I was young and my whole life was ahead of me!

Each birthday after that was a nice celebration of cake and ice cream and each birthday morning in my old life began with the playing on the stereo of the Beatle’s classic hit “Birthday” followed that evening by presents and cards from my family. My ex always took me out to dinner to celebrate as I did for her birthday. When I turned 30, I still felt so young and invincible and still carrying deeply buried secret so immersed in side me- but I still had so much of my life left. My daughter was only four and my son had just been born two weeks earlier. I made more money than I knew what do with as a young partner in a law firm of much prestige.

On the day I turned forty I took the day of work to spend the day with my son and daughter who were off school for some reason. By this time the secret I had been carrying had long since emerged and I had long begun struggling with my identity of who I really was underneath that shell that hid me so well for so long and my career was began to unravel as well. But I still believed I could control it- I was invincible! The day started as usual with the blaring of the Beatle’s tune and that weekend would be presents and cake and dinner with my family. My staff at the office had decided to decorate my office with tombstones and black streamers and all sorts of decorations insinuating that I was “over the hill”! I laughed at the spectacle. I was forty- I was still young and I had my whole life ahead of me and I was still a partner in a law firm and making more money in year than my father made in six or seven years! I did not give one thought to the decade that was ahead of me.

The past decade did many things to shake me from my feeling of youth and invincibility. My true self continued to emerge from the layers I had poured on her and made me feel so much more alive but also so much more vulnerable. A few years into the decade I would be faced with dealing with Alzheimer’s which had ravished my mother and the advanced age of my parents as well as the ultimate deaths of my mother and my father and the untimely death of my brother. I began to realize that I was not invincible and someday my time would come. I did not want people to remember me as the person I was not and as a coward who hid the real me from the world. The decade would bring about the decision to transition to live my life as who I really was and not someone I pretended to be. I left the law firm and began another career and then yet another. My transition brought about many changes in me and the disintegration of my family relations and rejection of my children. I met Paula and over a year fell in love with this beautiful loving woman who accepted me and embraced me for who I truly was and we began a life together but that only added more pain to others. I would be challenged physically with medications, hormones, laser and electrolysis and, of course, several difficult and physically challenging surgeries to bring my anatomy in line with my soul and essence!

Now in a couple weeks I will hit another milestone- my fiftieth birthday! 50- For God sakes that is old! I really don’t feel that old and hopefully I don’t look it either but just saying it makes me feel old. Thirty was young and forty sounded kind of young-BUT 50 is old. I face this coming birthday with some trepidation! I don’t care what you say about some of you hitting 50 or even 60 or 70 already ……turning fifty really hits you right smack in the face with a taunting message that says…”Just how invincible are you now girl!!!”I can no longer tell myself I am in my forties and still “sort of young”. No – I am about to embark on the fifties and that my friends is no longer young- no matter how you look it. I am a middle-aged woman……

Although I will enter this birthday landmark with some trepidation; I cannot stop it from coming anymore than I could all the rest of them that have come before …..it will come just like the rest of them came, with a little fanfare, some well wishes and cards, some presents from my love Paula, a nice dinner out and some cake and ice cream. It will come and I will enter a new decade of life but this decade will be at least one of living it as who I truly am and always have been! Maybe it will also include a blaring of a little Beatles tune as well….I guess I should be glad it is not “When I’m sixty-four” huh?

2009-a wild ride that got wilder!

As we come close to closing out yet another year I always take stock in what has happened in my life as we near the dawning of yet another year. 2009 will definitely go down in my memory as the most challenging and exciting years of my life. When I closed out last year I talked about the wild ride for 2008 that brought about many changes and I discussed what was to come in 2009 but that foretelling was only the tip of the iceberg in my life journey. There will probably never be another year like this one but that is good as I need to settle in a bit more although I know there are many more paths to trail in this journey and challenges ahead- at least I hope so anyway!

The beginning of this year brought about the inauguration of a new President - one that only 20 years ago would have seemed nearly impossible. An African- American was installed as our newest President although he came in under circumstances which were far from optimal and far more challenges than many other s had seen in sometime. I was driving to Boston that day with Paula for what would be the first of my surgical procedures on 2008 that would alter my body and anatomy to comport with not only my presentation but my inner essence and soul as well. We stopped in a service center in Connecticut for gas and lunch and watched the process on TV as it unfolded. I would have loved for my father to have seen this as he believed he would never see such a sight in his lifetime and he was right. He died a couple years to soon. My brother – one of the few people I know who actually admits voting for McGovern in 1972 would have loved it to but atlas his life had been cut short not long before our father.

Boston would involve about 13 days of stay in a hotel room while I recovered from the trauma and pain of having my face and head torn apart by a skilled plastic surgeon able to only eat soft foods in small bites and a routine of medicine, ice packing and even boredom relieved only by computer contacts and phone calls and a wickedly lengthy game of gin rummy with my partner, my love and my supporter – Paula! We left there to travel to Philadelphia where we both met with our surgeon to discuss the next round of surgeries as well. I returned home to find out I was had been terminated from working for a company on their planning projects because I was transgendered and people were uncomfortable working with me. I am sure that not too long ago people were uncomfortable working with African Americans and now such individual had become President of this great country of ours! I became more resolved than ever from this experience and Paula and I continued our efforts to seek justice, liberty and equality of opportunity and to pursue our happiness in life by continuing to work with groups such as TransOhio, Equality Ohio and NCTE to promote such concepts through rallies and lobbying, letter writing and meetings and workshops as we sought to have enacted Ohio HB 176 as well as ENDA and the Hate Crimes Bill. Discrimination and hatred against those of us in the LGBT community for simply being who we are and we who we want to be with must end and this struggle for dignity will endure for some time to come. We traveled to our state capital in Columbus as well as our nation’s capital in Washington, DC. There is still so much more work to do and we will continue to pursue these goals and face the challenges in the years to come.

The spring also brought about our move from Circleville to Columbus and we still are so grateful for all our friends who helped in this massive endeavor. I know there would pieces of stuff and some boxes left out in the parking lot of our complex if it was not for these wonderful people and I know simple thanks is not enough. Paula and I have always taken the position that our home is open to all who need to come just to chat or crash for a day or two or however long is needed to our friends even if that principle angered some others through our acts of kindness. We continue to maintain that principle.

By May we were making plans for the first trip to New Hope Pa for my long awaited gender confirmation surgery which others call by many other names such as GRS or SRS. However, to me it was GCS because it confirmed my true gender and being and merely altered the anatomy to comport with that true gender and the essence of who I am and always have been. New Hope is cool town and Dr. McGinn is an exceptional caring physician and my life in New Hope for two weeks again saw many challenges and more assault on my body from the GRs as well as another procedure. Even the preparation process beforehand was nothing fun to write home about! I should have invested in pain medication stocks before this year began- that is sure! I survived another long ordeal on the operating table and days in the hospital with an exceptionally caring staff and then shared a hotel with several other women like me who had undergone the ordeal the same week I did. Some great friendships were built which were not there when the year began.

In July it was time for another trip to New Hope. This time I would be the care provided as Paula underwent the GRS as well as another procedure. She had a bit more difficulty than I did in all this process but we still enjoyed our time in New Hope again. We made more friends and Paula received the same excellent care I did from the staff of the hospital. For both of us our life after these surgeries took on new challenges for us in the form of dilations! Both of us had to push our way through the legal and political process of getting new birth certificates and changing the gender markers on driver’s license and all other governmental and agency records.

Throughout this year Paula and I have become increasingly involved and active in our new spiritual home at North church – am open and affirming congregation of loving people that has extended our circle of friends and who are more like family to us. We are both actively involved in many committees and projects and community outreach endeavors. This church was also the place where Paula and I celebrated our love for each other in a same gender union ceremony in October. Paula and I were so happy to hold this service in front of our friends and “extended family”. We always will cherish the memories of this wonderful day!

This year has brought about a change for me in my career as I embark on yet another occupation. Using my experiences and education and training in government, law and business I became an instructor and embarked on teaching a generation of students that are the same age as my children. I love teaching a great deal and have found much joy and many challenges in this endeavor. Paula and I celebrated our second Christmas together and this marked yet another year that has gone by without contact from our family who have refused to even communicate with us by any means of communication currently known to humankind! It is sad and this lack of even trying on their part causes us some pain but we support each other and with the help of our friends we endure and go forward. Each day that goes by brings about the understanding that such communication and exchange may never come and while that is sad- it is something we have learned to deal with in our lives! I do not know what 2010 has in store myself or for us but after what all has gone in 2009, I don’t see how it could be any more of a wild ride then we have seen over the last couple years!

I wish each of you a beautiful and peaceful and wondrous New Year for 2010!

SCC through my Years

In 2006, things were a lot different for me, and so was my experience at the annual gathering in Atlanta know as Southern Comfort Conference (SCC). During that time, I was still very much part time and exploring my feelings and trying to make sense of all that was going on in my emergence as my true self-Melissa. I still believed any solution to my dilemma was not possible or likely and I used the brief times I could express my real self at conferences and weekend trips as simply that- a time to be myself and meet others at these events like me and get to know my community as they say. In 2007, I again attended SCC but by this time I had already decided I had to transition to live my live as Melissa and I had already begun counseling and in a holding pattern because of my children nearly finishing school. I really enjoyed SCC that year because I was a bit more active in doing things and meeting people than I had been the year before although I had grown in confidence and understanding of what was going on inside me and the direction I was headed. I spent more time at the conference attending all sorts of the workshops on the issues I was going to be initially dealing with such as coming out to family and friends, electrolysis and laser and hormone replacement therapy (HRT). The conference really aided in much of this development on these issues.

By the time the SCC 2008 had rolled around, I was now living fulltime with my new legal name and separated from my family and living life with Paula as she travelled to SCC with me. I renewed old acquaintances with friends in my community- some who I only get to see once a year. I watched the sadness in some of the part timers who left the conference going back to a world they lived in but were not really all that happy in while I was living life fulltime and deep in the throngs of transition. Since HRT and electro and such were already well under way, the seminars I attended then focused on those to come – meeting and hearing from presenters who perform the Facial Feminization and gender confirmation surgery or GRS. I left SCC with the selection of Dr. Spiegel to perform my FFS and I had narrowed my choices to two to perform the GRS and a couple months later, I selected and booked the procedures with Dr. McGinn. SCC 2008 was fun filled but educational process for me and for Paula as well.

Last weekend I returned from the fourth such conference- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living pretty well as Melissa other than the absence of my children who I love dearly. The workshops I attended were focused on post transitional issues such as relationships, finding balance, career development and one really cool one on Post-op organisms! This year, I myself was a presenter of a workshop which I thoroughly enjoyed giving and which was nicely attended and filled with many questions. However, the experience at SCC was more surreal in that I gleaned the best experiences from my interaction with several people and not from the workshops or events and social activities.

On the night of my arrival, I had a very lovely chat with a genetic woman in the lounge of the hotel over dinner and a couple drinks. She paid me a high compliment in her mistaken conceptualization of me as a genetic woman but I quickly set her straight. She and I talked about many things and she was curious as a business traveler in town for the evening as to learn about SCC and my life as a transgendered woman. She asked if I minded answering some personal questions which I did happily for her and she learned about all my surgeries in great detail and we even shared one in both of us had done the breast augmentation. I told her about my journey and life now with my partner Paula and she so enjoyed talking with me on parting she gave me a big hug and wished me well in my life. It was a great start to SCC and it did not involve a participant to the conference. I also spent a good deal of time with my friends Ally and Erica – both of whom have decided to book the GRS procedures with Dr. McGinn. (Ally came to first SCC in 2008 and it was her first time out ever) I even spent a day with Keri- the girl who had her surgery the day after Paula and who through that process I met in New Hope this summer. (Keri attended SCC in 2007 and that also was her first time out in public) The other part of time was hanging with Kate Lynn and Lindsey who I first met during the time of my surgeries back in May. I also had an opportunity to chat again with Chloe about some things happening in her life after the show on ABC Primetime.

I got the chance to chat with a nice transgendered couple from California who shared their life and love together with me and also in discussion of the material covered in the post-op orgasm workshop. A real highlight for me was finally getting to meet an old classmate of mine from law school at WVU who I had not seen in twenty- four years. Dorothy and I connected on Facebook and we had planned the meeting ever since I found out I would be going to present at the conference this year. It was such a pleasure meeting her and her husband and daughter who practices law with her. We went out to eat and had some drinks and she got to meet many of my sisters in the community. I really enjoyed seeing her again and I think she enjoyed seeing and meeting the real me and not the tightly wound soul she knew so long ago. She told me I looked happier than she ever remembered me. I truly enjoyed this delightful experience!

The last day of conference was Sunday which was a travel day and since I had a late flight to the airport I made the poor decision to take the MARTA to the airport and for the first time traveling as a woman and transwoman I was a frightened by the experience of a drunk homeless man who had decided to harass me and insult me and in all honesty made me feel very vulnerable to harassment and physical assault. I could not wait for the subway stop at the airport and he proceeded to follow me to the elevators again shouting at me and embarrassing me and trying to ridicule me – based on his misperceptions of me and his staggering drunkenness! Needless to say I was glad to reach the confines of the airport and it taught me a valuable lesson about traveling as a woman and transwoman for which I have added to my education from SCC. However, it is interesting to note that the best experiences, and one that was the worst- but which provided me an opportunity to learn from, I had in Atlanta at SCC this year had little, if anything, to do with the conference itself which is so vastly different from the years before! The activities of the days this year at SCC left me with a disconnected feeling and a sense of reflection of how far I had come from my early days with SCC a few years back. Education takes on many untraditional forms these days for sure. I have grown and I continue to do so as a person. The question is whether, other than seeing some old friends in my community, will SCC continue to provide me with these learning experiences? Let’s put it this way- SCC 2010 may be first one I miss and I know this- if I do go- I am not taking MARTA!

Teacher, Teacher

You remember those days when you would walk into the classroom of your first day of class back in school- whether it was high school or college and got your first look sometimes at the person who would be teaching the course that semester. You sometimes wondered who that teacher was and what brought them there to teach you (why in the world would anyone want to teach) but mostly you wondered what kind of teacher they were going to be – interesting, hard, demanding, easy- going? Were they friendly? How much could you get away with in their class? Most of time, however, you never wondered who they use to be. It is a different when you are the one standing behind the podium as the instructor responsible for the teaching process and you are actually wondering in your mind whether any of the students are actually wondering who use to be –at least on the outside by appearance.

Today was a huge day for me to stand in that classroom and present myself to a bunch of young people from Generation Y who think and learn so vastly different and may be missing just a tad bit of the respect factor those of us who were educated as Baby Boomers or early Gen-xers. Today I had to stand in front of a bunch young people who question and challenging everything and wonder if that certain question might come sometime during the class. I love to teach and it is not the first time I have done so. I taught many seminars in my days of practicing law on various topics and I have actually stood behind that podium before for seven years as an Adjunct Faculty teaching. If the students will open their minds and participate and be willing to learn I feel I can offer much to them and maybe help them grow or even spark some drive in them. I can learn a lot from teaching as well as I truly believe interacting with younger people helps keep you young yourself and you too can learn much from them – especially if it involves technology. Most of these students have grown up all their life with technology from time they toddled into preschool. It’s almost scary how much the world has been turned upside down by technology in the last 15-20 years and the young people of the newest generations have absorbed every bit of it. Heck I was happy with touch tone phones and color TVs. Today my “cell phone” has more “apps” on it than I have shoes and I am not entirely convinced that somewhere in the device are not the launch codes for our country’s defenses or the secrets to the mystery of human civilization.

I was interviewed twice for the position and had to do a practice teach and evidently the faculty were impressed with the same and they offered me the position. However, on no fewer than four documents did I have to “out” myself to my new employer during the employment paperwork process. Transgendered people always love those questions that ask “Have you been known by any other name? “ Let’s see…hmmmm….and gees it does not exactly fit my present presentation or any of my legal documents today. But I will give them credit, they hired me anyway. Maybe they see a talent in me that has only seen a glimpse of light here and there over the years but maybe shines a bit more radiantly now that that dreary old shell has been torn away to reveal the real me.

The question of the day however, is whether the students see that light or whether they care that that old shell was once there. Even more frightening is whether I can keep their interest in world where their learning is fragmented and pans way beyond mere lectures. I have sought to invoke technology in my lesson plans in research projects and various A/V aides including power point and such. I also plan to segment the class into different activities such as class discussion and groups and guest speakers and even in-class simulations. I will put my all into this process and hopefully my love of teaching will show and carry the day against the rumblings of questions that may fill their minds about who this teacher is and more importantly who she use to be at least in outward presentation.

Today I stood before this group of young people as my true self without barriers and tried to stimulate them to enjoy and be active in politics and governments. I even had one student already tell me she had failed the class twice and would need my help to pass it. I told I would do so and I plan to keep my word and help anyone who is willing to try so she can succeed in her endeavors. That is what teachers do and I intend to be that type of teacher. I can learn a lot form young people just as they can learn from me and maybe we both will grow. I smiled the whole time I was at the podium and cracked a few jokes and tried to get them excited about the subject. I really did enjoy the experience and feel if given the opportunities I can be successful. Teaching can be stressful and troubling at times but it can be rewarding. I remember when I taught before and it was a good thing when a student came up and said that the class was challenging but interesting or years later if one came up to me and told me that learned a lot in my class and it helped them in their career. The pay is not great in teaching and should be better but that is a whole another blog in itself but money is not everything and there are rewards way beyond monetary ones in the teaching profession.

All I ask is that the school and students give Melissa a chance and do not make judgments about me simply because my spirit once contained itself trapped in another vessel and who I use to be physically. Time will tell and if the paperwork does not bury me alive I may just have found something I enjoy doing with my life and honestly may be pretty good at doing. Well it is time to go prepare some lesson plans and assignments and fill out paperwork. Time will indeed tell for this teacher and whether I will be successful and given that chance and I have already begun preparing myself for the role if it does ……oh teacher… “is that material going to be on the test?” Hmmmm…….I just went over that three times and told you to remember this point and it was in my power point and my handouts and highlighted in the book…..what do you think??

New Hope and New Birth

My ole my……………… a whole lot has occurred in the past couple weeks since I last wrote just before my departure for my long- desired surgeries which took place in Pennsylvania. Not long after I last wrote and posted my closing thoughts and thanks to many who affected my journey to this point Paula and I loaded up my CRV and headed off for New Hope Pa. I truly love the name New Hope for the promise it offers and upon arriving there Friday evening we strolled the streets of one of the state’s most eclectic LGBT friendly cities where we found neat little shops, bistros, galleries and clubs nestled in a scenic community along the river. The rainbow flags flew everywhere for every little nook and cranny of this exceptionally friendly city. We also discovered something else upon our arrival – we had arrived during New Hope’s pride week celebration. We dined on the patio of a restaurant after site seeing a bit and purchasing some sundries. The weather was awesome and it would be my last real meal and night of fun for awhile so after our exceptionally delicious meal we strolled the streets looking for ice cream and then took in the sounds of a local all female band at local brew pub. We returned on Saturday for the Pride Parade and did some more shopping for clothes and Paula found the Holy Grail of clothes at a shop along the way and I did a little damage there myself. The parade was great fun and we ate out for lunch and dinner but by that time my diet was limited to “liquid diet” so all I could have is soups. The people of this community are fun loving and diverse and we took quite a liking to this community. It is defiantly a place to celebrate and enjoy life and frames the new beginning that I was about to undertake.
Sunday the diet got worse. It started with a breakfast of vegetable broth and a lunch of chicken broth followed by the administration of a disgusting substance known as Magnesium Citrate which was designed to clean my bowels out with repeated trips to the toilet and the early morning hours of Monday were topped off with the last purge induced by an enema. I knew these were sacrifices that would have to be made to get where I wanted to be in my journey. On the early dawn hours of Monday morning we left the hotel and traveled the three miles to the site of Lower Bucks Hospital where my surgeon Dr. Christine McGinn awaited my arrival, I checked in fairly easy and after undergoing some blood work it was off to a place they called “Short Surgery”. This area is not named for the length of the surgery or anything else but the area where preparation and meetings with doctors would take place and was only steps from final preparation. DR. McGinn marked my body with outlines of where she wanted the breasts to lie after surgery and the incisions to be made. The surgery would be about 5-6 hours since I was doing both the GCS as well as the breast augmentation. I met with the nurse and lab tech and more blood was drawn and finally the meetings with the physicians including the house physician as well as Dr. McGinn and her assistant.
Paula got to stay with me here but soon we had to separate and we departed with our usual embrace and kiss and message of love and support and I was laying on a bed in final preparation. I did the opportunity at this point to take one last glance on the defective parts that had defined me for so many years and caused me so many problems over the years and which were the source of my conflict and struggle. Most of them would survive but in the reformed way – the way they should have been from the start to avoid all these problems. The ones that have caused me the most problems would however be gone and marked for destruction in and incineration in a medical waste bag! Good riddance! I was still conscious as the aestheticians asked me final questions and my IV was started and final arrangements made for surgical procedures to be performed. I remember being wheeled to the OR where they started strapping me down to the table all spread apart and I looked at the clock and saw it was about a few minutes after 8 AM. It would be the last thing I remember. Lights out ….time warp……..and what seemed like a few minutes later but was actually 6-7 hours later I again her nurses call my name from above me …”Melissa” …..I am groggy and sluggish but I am awake and saw the staff and nurses and my doctor. I immediately felt deep severe pain all over my body with some pockets of numbness. Dr. McGinn had gone down the hall earlier after the surgery to inform my loving partner Paula that I was fine and that it had gone well. Soon I would be moved to 4E on the building to begin my life of living in Room 469 for the week.
Paula came in minutes after I got there and she had bought me a little gift…...it was a cute, little cabbage patch doll that said “It’s a girl” on it and I held the adorable little doll and thanked Paula for the doll. In my mind I remembered my father denying me a request for a GI Joe Doll when I was a child on the grounds that “ boys don’t play with dolls”…….I liked my doll and named her Marie after my middle name and she stayed with me all week in my bed. Morphine is a great thing when it arrives self-dispensed and I was in great excessive pain – maybe the worst pain I had ever felt and that night the upper body bothered me far worse than below the belt as they say. I could not even move my arms. I calculated that the morphine came out ( it made a beep when it did ) every six minutes so I watched the clock…and squeezed it at 6:00 PM then 6:06 ….then 6:12, 6:18 and so on. Due to the severity of the pain the nurse called my doctor and I was administered supplemental morphine on the hour…MORE PLEASE…..I simply could not get enough….No food was allowed but I could have fluids so I drank water and fruit juice and Paula fed me ice chips and put balm on my parched lips caused by all the anesthesia. She also slept the night in my room on the chair and held my hand some throughout the night that is when it was not squeezing the morphine dispenser. I thought to myself …do I feel any different? Well I felt a sense of peace over what had transpired on the day of my rebirth but the full effects of the same would be forthcoming in the days ahead!
I remember also I was allowed a sleeping pill which I ingested and drifted in and out of consciousness throughout the night. Morning came and I was allowed juice and cream of wheat and I pumped in more morphine. By noon that day they finally pulled the drip and IV and I began a regime of Vycadon ingestion every four hours. By the time Christine came in that afternoon, I could barely keep my head up from all the drugs….I was floating so high it felt better than anything I had ever done in college. I barely recall eating my first decent meal in four days on Tuesday evening and sleep was so disrupted I woke up at 3AM and remained awake until the nurse came in at around 6 AM. I decided on Wednesday morning that I needed to stop hitting the drugs so hard and begin weaning myself off the pain meds. I reached that goal in days when I took my last pain pill on Friday night before going to bed. Other girls who had surgery that week were still pumping the pain pills well until the next week. The drugs were disrupting my sleep and I needed to get back to some sense of regular pattern again and get all this stuff out of my system. Beginning Wednesday and even over the objections of the nurses I began slowing down on the pain pills .Wednesday also meant removal of the tape and temporary sutures designed for two days which prevented me from moving my legs since I came out of surgery Monday. Unfortunately the heat and moisture caused by laying on one’s touché caused my skin to tear off when the tape was removed leaving bed sores which began bleeding even though the weekend. Unbelievably some people in the world out there actually think we “choose” to be transgendered. After all we go through emotionally and physically to correct the birth defects that plagued us all our lives I now must say these people are clearly incapable of intelligent thoughts in my opinion. Yes I did just call you a moron if you even believe this in the slightest.
Wednesday morning I actually put in my contacts laying face up and did my makeup by a small mirror held lovingly by Paula. I was a bit more awake and ate better and even got to stand up for the first time which took every ounce of strength and energy just to get on my feet and stay there for a minute of two with assistance before I collapsed back into my bed exhausted. That afternoon I was visited by my dear friend Alice who just four weeks earlier had been undergoing her rebirth at the same hospital. She brought a friend with her named Jackie and we chatted for hours. Paula had been angel to me all week and in every way possible. She also took it upon herself to visit the other girls that week as Dr. McGinn had one new arrival to our wing each day through Thursday. I was so proud of her and her heart is so big and so full of love. On Thursday I took my first steps in the morning and again a longer run in the evening actually visiting each of the other girls I shared my rebirth week with and chatted briefly. Friday I grew stronger and walked twice more again visiting with the others and hugging them and walking without assistance and making laps around the halls as the nurses encouraged me on.
The nurses at Lower Bucks Hospital were incredible and I received some of the best care I had ever received anywhere anytime by these beautiful angels. Each one before they left their last shift before I was to be discharged came in and took my hand and said they wished me well. It touched me deeply that these people actually cared more for me than my own family members who had tossed me away into nonexistence. I intend to write a letter to the facility telling that what a great job their nurses did during my stay and how caring these ladies were in their work and attention to the level of care! Friday night meant I was cleared by my physician to be released. I remember Paula helping me dress and get makeup on and I popped up and walked behind the wheelchair with a nurse by my side as I proudly existed the building and Paula had the car waiting there all cooled down and helped me get in the vehicle. We were driving about ten miles away to a town called Bensalem where we stay another week in a hotel only a few minutes from Dr. McGinn’s office. My follow up care and exams would take place there. Living for a week there reminded me of the base camp Paula and I established following my facial surgery in January. A whole new set of challenges, awakenings, experiences and friendships awaited me upon our transfer………………………………….