SCC through my Years

In 2006, things were a lot different for me, and so was my experience at the annual gathering in Atlanta know as Southern Comfort Conference (SCC). During that time, I was still very much part time and exploring my feelings and trying to make sense of all that was going on in my emergence as my true self-Melissa. I still believed any solution to my dilemma was not possible or likely and I used the brief times I could express my real self at conferences and weekend trips as simply that- a time to be myself and meet others at these events like me and get to know my community as they say. In 2007, I again attended SCC but by this time I had already decided I had to transition to live my live as Melissa and I had already begun counseling and in a holding pattern because of my children nearly finishing school. I really enjoyed SCC that year because I was a bit more active in doing things and meeting people than I had been the year before although I had grown in confidence and understanding of what was going on inside me and the direction I was headed. I spent more time at the conference attending all sorts of the workshops on the issues I was going to be initially dealing with such as coming out to family and friends, electrolysis and laser and hormone replacement therapy (HRT). The conference really aided in much of this development on these issues.

By the time the SCC 2008 had rolled around, I was now living fulltime with my new legal name and separated from my family and living life with Paula as she travelled to SCC with me. I renewed old acquaintances with friends in my community- some who I only get to see once a year. I watched the sadness in some of the part timers who left the conference going back to a world they lived in but were not really all that happy in while I was living life fulltime and deep in the throngs of transition. Since HRT and electro and such were already well under way, the seminars I attended then focused on those to come – meeting and hearing from presenters who perform the Facial Feminization and gender confirmation surgery or GRS. I left SCC with the selection of Dr. Spiegel to perform my FFS and I had narrowed my choices to two to perform the GRS and a couple months later, I selected and booked the procedures with Dr. McGinn. SCC 2008 was fun filled but educational process for me and for Paula as well.

Last weekend I returned from the fourth such conference- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living pretty well as Melissa other than the absence of my children who I love dearly. The workshops I attended were focused on post transitional issues such as relationships, finding balance, career development and one really cool one on Post-op organisms! This year, I myself was a presenter of a workshop which I thoroughly enjoyed giving and which was nicely attended and filled with many questions. However, the experience at SCC was more surreal in that I gleaned the best experiences from my interaction with several people and not from the workshops or events and social activities.

On the night of my arrival, I had a very lovely chat with a genetic woman in the lounge of the hotel over dinner and a couple drinks. She paid me a high compliment in her mistaken conceptualization of me as a genetic woman but I quickly set her straight. She and I talked about many things and she was curious as a business traveler in town for the evening as to learn about SCC and my life as a transgendered woman. She asked if I minded answering some personal questions which I did happily for her and she learned about all my surgeries in great detail and we even shared one in both of us had done the breast augmentation. I told her about my journey and life now with my partner Paula and she so enjoyed talking with me on parting she gave me a big hug and wished me well in my life. It was a great start to SCC and it did not involve a participant to the conference. I also spent a good deal of time with my friends Ally and Erica – both of whom have decided to book the GRS procedures with Dr. McGinn. (Ally came to first SCC in 2008 and it was her first time out ever) I even spent a day with Keri- the girl who had her surgery the day after Paula and who through that process I met in New Hope this summer. (Keri attended SCC in 2007 and that also was her first time out in public) The other part of time was hanging with Kate Lynn and Lindsey who I first met during the time of my surgeries back in May. I also had an opportunity to chat again with Chloe about some things happening in her life after the show on ABC Primetime.

I got the chance to chat with a nice transgendered couple from California who shared their life and love together with me and also in discussion of the material covered in the post-op orgasm workshop. A real highlight for me was finally getting to meet an old classmate of mine from law school at WVU who I had not seen in twenty- four years. Dorothy and I connected on Facebook and we had planned the meeting ever since I found out I would be going to present at the conference this year. It was such a pleasure meeting her and her husband and daughter who practices law with her. We went out to eat and had some drinks and she got to meet many of my sisters in the community. I really enjoyed seeing her again and I think she enjoyed seeing and meeting the real me and not the tightly wound soul she knew so long ago. She told me I looked happier than she ever remembered me. I truly enjoyed this delightful experience!

The last day of conference was Sunday which was a travel day and since I had a late flight to the airport I made the poor decision to take the MARTA to the airport and for the first time traveling as a woman and transwoman I was a frightened by the experience of a drunk homeless man who had decided to harass me and insult me and in all honesty made me feel very vulnerable to harassment and physical assault. I could not wait for the subway stop at the airport and he proceeded to follow me to the elevators again shouting at me and embarrassing me and trying to ridicule me – based on his misperceptions of me and his staggering drunkenness! Needless to say I was glad to reach the confines of the airport and it taught me a valuable lesson about traveling as a woman and transwoman for which I have added to my education from SCC. However, it is interesting to note that the best experiences, and one that was the worst- but which provided me an opportunity to learn from, I had in Atlanta at SCC this year had little, if anything, to do with the conference itself which is so vastly different from the years before! The activities of the days this year at SCC left me with a disconnected feeling and a sense of reflection of how far I had come from my early days with SCC a few years back. Education takes on many untraditional forms these days for sure. I have grown and I continue to do so as a person. The question is whether, other than seeing some old friends in my community, will SCC continue to provide me with these learning experiences? Let’s put it this way- SCC 2010 may be first one I miss and I know this- if I do go- I am not taking MARTA!

Fulltime Conferencing

Life at a transgendered conference is surely different for a full time girl! This week, following a road trip to Atlanta with Paula and Tara, I attended Southern Comfort Conference, the largest transgendered conference in the world. 844 people attended SCC this year and although down from last year’s 982 it was a great showing of transgendered people in a tough economy. The conference is a wonderful time to see old friends and make some new one which I did both o for sure. It was great to see old friends like Linda, Jia and Danielle as well as some regulars from the area like Barbie, Jenni, Lana and Chloe. I met some wonderful new people like Karen, Raquel and Cheryl as well as a very cool couple from Nova Scotia Canada in Emma and Jen. Jen was the first transwoman to transition in Nova Scotia and she and Emma did a wonderful workshop on post transitional issues which was extremely thought provoking.
The site of the SCC provides an excellent source of shopping and dinning experiences and I took full advantage of them- finding both great deals on clothes (a business suit for fewer than fifty bucks and a business jacket to accessorize some slacks and skirts for my professional activities). I also found some very pretty jewelry. Paula and I dined with Cheryl and her wife Beth one evening and I am sure she found our conversation intriguing to say the least. I attended some wonderful workshops on areas that are now my focus. In years past it was topics such as transition, hormones, electrolysis and coming out to others. Those have already happened for me and now the focus is on completing my anatomical changes to bring my body in line with my inner soul and essence. I attended several workshops on GRS and FFS and met with several surgeons on consults for these procedures coming up in 2009. Based on them and on my extensive research for many months and interviews with former patients, I made decision on both the procedures and plan to have FFS with Dr. Spiegel in Boston Mass and GRS with Dr. Christine McGinn in Doylestown Penn. Hopefully, if all goes well I will have had these procedures all completed by the middle of 2009 and following recovery continue to move forward in my life.
SCC also provided its second annual Career Fair and I submitted resumes and talked with various employers about possibilities and opportunities in their companies. I plan to submit more resumes online as well and I am also seriously exploring a partnership with a local transgendered girl and meanwhile working some freelance projects in the area. It will take some time to get it all sorted out but it will come and I will succeed and move forward in my life professionally as well. Now the SCC is also fun for evening socializing and I took full advantage of the same. There is a very friendly and cool club in the beltway called Le Buzz which providing some good fun for all!! I believe one of my highlights of this conference was the ability to attend workshops conducted by two of my favorite authors of the transgendered community in Donna Rose and Jenny Boylan- the authors of two of my favorite memoirs of transgendered people “Wrapped in Blue” and “She’s Not There” I had the time to chat with both and Donna delivered a very stirring and powerful address to the convention on Saturday afternoon of courage and conviction. I got both of them to sign my books with a personal note and I will treasure those meetings and I look forward to meeting them in the future as well.
The big difference for me at this SCC is that when I left I departed as who I am and in the manner I live my life everyday. I saw the sadness in many faces of “men” as they were leaving the hotel after living their dreams for a few days and nights. In the elevator I heard one of the boi mode attendees turn and say to another “ Well I guess it is time to return to reality” I kind of chuckled and chimed in….well for some of us this is reality. Today I continue living my life fulltime as Melissa and enjoying life as much as I can with passion and conviction and a sense of opportunity and contentment I have not felt in years. It is truly different experience and I am embracing it as well as I can and enjoying it all. I am more peaceful than I have ever been in my life and I know this is the right path for me. Find your peace whatever and wherever that may be on the spectrum that encompasses our community and live it and enjoy it! Hugs to all my friends in our broad and loving transgendered community!

Being (southern) comforted while pondering the risking of it all ( Fall 2007)

These transgendered conferences are truly wonderful but they sure can wear you out- that is for sure. This week I crammed a trip to Atlanta and my first visit to SCC in a week I really did not need to with my impending work week. However, my curiosity of this intriguing event got the best of me and last Wednesday I drove by myself eight hours to Atlanta mostly due to the fact I could not find someone to share a ride with which would have made the trip more fun, less tiring and cheaper and due to the fact I was unsuccessful in finding an airfare that did not cost me a body part. Today (Sunday) I find myself even more worn out in driving back (can’t figure out how that happened but maybe it had something do with the fact I lived on a few hours of sleep each night during my stay.- just a wild guess) As I sit in my favorite road spot Panera Bread taking a coffee break I decided to write my blog about my thoughts about the largest transgendered conference in the world –SCC.

This convention is different from many others because it truly is a transgendered event for all transgendered people. Some conferences focus on crossdressers or just t-girls but this event is open to and attended by everyone form the occasional CD to the full blown transitioned girl as well as gender benders and transmen. That alone makes it unique and different from many other events. I enjoy these events for many reasons even though I am out frequently either myself or with a other friends expressing Melissa. First of all, the sheer fact that nearly 900 people attended SCC is incredible and it is always nice to be immersed in a
Community of like minded people (not implying we all clones but you know what I mean – we have for more in common than we do have differences and being surrounded by many friends in the community always enriches me and gives me even more strength to face the rest of the world as transgendered person because that is who I am and always will be! I am a part of the community and the community is part of me. Secondly, although the social activities and workshops are entertaining and fun as well as a chance to gain more information, one of my favorite things is to interact with others on a one on one basis over a drink whether in the lounge or over the morning coffee( thank God for the coffee shop in the lobby !) I had my first opportunity to meet and chat with a transman and find out what his life was like and how it compared to those of us going the other direction. I chatted with several girls transitioning and how they have “survived” the surgery, the work situations and relationships – many inundated with battle wounds and scars. One I chatted with one evening looked me in the eye and said “Melissa – nothing in this world can be obtained if you want it bad enough and it is worth obtaining without being able to be willing to risk everything! A few years ago that would have left me running for cover but now I know she is right and I simply nodded my head to her. I also met with a couple who is fighting to stay together despite the husband’s full transition in which we discussed rights and legalities on this complex issue. I also chatted with a another spouse who through all sorts of questions at me about things like grandchildren, weddings of my children and such should I go the route of transitioning and living full time as Melissa and these were fair questions and invoked some good discussion about the future and even the future of the tg movement in our society. There was also lots of discussion both in general and overt the dinner tables about the legislation before Congress regarding employment rights for the LGBT community members and the Hate Crimes Bill both of which the President has threatened to veto. Finally, for the first time ever a career expo was held at SCC in which companies such as American Airlines, Microsoft and others came and held a job fair to discuss career opportunities with transgendered people.

I had a truly wonderful time meeting people and seeing some of the city, socializing and shopping but clearly my favorite times were the discussions with others over a drink or coffee or at dinner. These discussions enrich me, they help guide me in my journey and they engage my mind and afterward I seem to grow stronger even if they raise more questions than answer them. It was wonderful to see so many transgendered people in one place and I believe our future will be one of progress for dignity and rights and acceptance but again it will not come without sacrifice and sorrow and anguish. But again – we must remember if the cause and goal is truly worthwhile we must be willing to risk it all. Sleep well my friends and I wish each of you peace and happiness in your journey and in our journey together as transgendered people.