SCC through my Years

In 2006, things were a lot different for me, and so was my experience at the annual gathering in Atlanta know as Southern Comfort Conference (SCC). During that time, I was still very much part time and exploring my feelings and trying to make sense of all that was going on in my emergence as my true self-Melissa. I still believed any solution to my dilemma was not possible or likely and I used the brief times I could express my real self at conferences and weekend trips as simply that- a time to be myself and meet others at these events like me and get to know my community as they say. In 2007, I again attended SCC but by this time I had already decided I had to transition to live my live as Melissa and I had already begun counseling and in a holding pattern because of my children nearly finishing school. I really enjoyed SCC that year because I was a bit more active in doing things and meeting people than I had been the year before although I had grown in confidence and understanding of what was going on inside me and the direction I was headed. I spent more time at the conference attending all sorts of the workshops on the issues I was going to be initially dealing with such as coming out to family and friends, electrolysis and laser and hormone replacement therapy (HRT). The conference really aided in much of this development on these issues.

By the time the SCC 2008 had rolled around, I was now living fulltime with my new legal name and separated from my family and living life with Paula as she travelled to SCC with me. I renewed old acquaintances with friends in my community- some who I only get to see once a year. I watched the sadness in some of the part timers who left the conference going back to a world they lived in but were not really all that happy in while I was living life fulltime and deep in the throngs of transition. Since HRT and electro and such were already well under way, the seminars I attended then focused on those to come – meeting and hearing from presenters who perform the Facial Feminization and gender confirmation surgery or GRS. I left SCC with the selection of Dr. Spiegel to perform my FFS and I had narrowed my choices to two to perform the GRS and a couple months later, I selected and booked the procedures with Dr. McGinn. SCC 2008 was fun filled but educational process for me and for Paula as well.

Last weekend I returned from the fourth such conference- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living pretty well as Melissa other than the absence of my children who I love dearly. The workshops I attended were focused on post transitional issues such as relationships, finding balance, career development and one really cool one on Post-op organisms! This year, I myself was a presenter of a workshop which I thoroughly enjoyed giving and which was nicely attended and filled with many questions. However, the experience at SCC was more surreal in that I gleaned the best experiences from my interaction with several people and not from the workshops or events and social activities.

On the night of my arrival, I had a very lovely chat with a genetic woman in the lounge of the hotel over dinner and a couple drinks. She paid me a high compliment in her mistaken conceptualization of me as a genetic woman but I quickly set her straight. She and I talked about many things and she was curious as a business traveler in town for the evening as to learn about SCC and my life as a transgendered woman. She asked if I minded answering some personal questions which I did happily for her and she learned about all my surgeries in great detail and we even shared one in both of us had done the breast augmentation. I told her about my journey and life now with my partner Paula and she so enjoyed talking with me on parting she gave me a big hug and wished me well in my life. It was a great start to SCC and it did not involve a participant to the conference. I also spent a good deal of time with my friends Ally and Erica – both of whom have decided to book the GRS procedures with Dr. McGinn. (Ally came to first SCC in 2008 and it was her first time out ever) I even spent a day with Keri- the girl who had her surgery the day after Paula and who through that process I met in New Hope this summer. (Keri attended SCC in 2007 and that also was her first time out in public) The other part of time was hanging with Kate Lynn and Lindsey who I first met during the time of my surgeries back in May. I also had an opportunity to chat again with Chloe about some things happening in her life after the show on ABC Primetime.

I got the chance to chat with a nice transgendered couple from California who shared their life and love together with me and also in discussion of the material covered in the post-op orgasm workshop. A real highlight for me was finally getting to meet an old classmate of mine from law school at WVU who I had not seen in twenty- four years. Dorothy and I connected on Facebook and we had planned the meeting ever since I found out I would be going to present at the conference this year. It was such a pleasure meeting her and her husband and daughter who practices law with her. We went out to eat and had some drinks and she got to meet many of my sisters in the community. I really enjoyed seeing her again and I think she enjoyed seeing and meeting the real me and not the tightly wound soul she knew so long ago. She told me I looked happier than she ever remembered me. I truly enjoyed this delightful experience!

The last day of conference was Sunday which was a travel day and since I had a late flight to the airport I made the poor decision to take the MARTA to the airport and for the first time traveling as a woman and transwoman I was a frightened by the experience of a drunk homeless man who had decided to harass me and insult me and in all honesty made me feel very vulnerable to harassment and physical assault. I could not wait for the subway stop at the airport and he proceeded to follow me to the elevators again shouting at me and embarrassing me and trying to ridicule me – based on his misperceptions of me and his staggering drunkenness! Needless to say I was glad to reach the confines of the airport and it taught me a valuable lesson about traveling as a woman and transwoman for which I have added to my education from SCC. However, it is interesting to note that the best experiences, and one that was the worst- but which provided me an opportunity to learn from, I had in Atlanta at SCC this year had little, if anything, to do with the conference itself which is so vastly different from the years before! The activities of the days this year at SCC left me with a disconnected feeling and a sense of reflection of how far I had come from my early days with SCC a few years back. Education takes on many untraditional forms these days for sure. I have grown and I continue to do so as a person. The question is whether, other than seeing some old friends in my community, will SCC continue to provide me with these learning experiences? Let’s put it this way- SCC 2010 may be first one I miss and I know this- if I do go- I am not taking MARTA!

Fun with the Gala "Education"

Wow …….it’s cold and snowy and the girls are pouring in from all over for what I cannot believe is my fourth Lake Erie Gala. It is hard to believe that Gala is already here again and this year I have been heavily involved in planning and organizing this week long fun-filled wonderful event. This year attendance picked up late but it is really picking up and before the weekend is out we will have nearly 85 people here at the event celebrating its Tenth Anniversary. There are some girls who have been coming for all ten years!!
The week of shopping and pampering, diners and site seeing and late night partying is a conference unlike others in our community. It is a more organized event that the delightful Saugatuck and it dos not have the workshops and seminars like that of the Be-all or SCC. All these are wonderful events and I have been to them and learned and enjoyed much and met many wonderful people in our community. The Gala is a social gathering and it involves organized day activities like site seeing to wineries and train stations and chocolate factory and an in indoor putt putt golf tournament. We have a casino night and glitter fair and night out for comedy clubs and dinner at a delicious Irish Restaurant. That is the real gem of the Gala beyond meeting some of the friendliest and warm group of sisters you would ever want to meet anywhere in the world. The Gala is designed for fun and social activities and building friendships but don’t be fooled by all the fun you will have by coming to it –it is also and important educational event!
Educational you say Melissa …….why there are no workshops or seminars or anything of the sort. It is simply getting girls out to venues such as restaurants and museums and wineries and converted railroad stations and many other public venues. Yes it is – but those opportunities to get out in broad daylight for shopping and site seeing and diners with your sisters is by itself educational for many new or recently out sisters who until they come her had only been out little or not at all and when they did it was to clubs and bars under the cloak of darkness. The Gala changes all that and provides the opportunity to break new barriers for girls in getting out under the watchful eye of some seasoned sisters like Marsha, Laura, Cindy, Josephine, Gerri or Melanie and I guess I would now have to say Melissa Marie Alexander. I think if my wife could go back in time to change the course of events in my emergence as Melissa and decision to live fulltime as who I really am she would chose to go back to the days before I left for the first time to come to Erie Pa and spend a week living as Melissa. I showed up a girl who had been out for a while but mostly to clubs and a few choice restaurants. I left at the end of the week not only with many friends and sisters but also with the confidence to go to malls at noon, shop in downtown stores, go to plays, museums and other sites in broad daylight and be proud of who I was as a human being. My confidence soared and grew exponentially that week. I tasted for the first time what it would be like to live my life as Melissa. I left there a changed person- one that was committed to finding the peace and happiness I had been missing living as somebody I was not and it began the movement of my journey towards living fulltime today and the courage to undergo some complicated procedures that will make my body comport with my soul! So that my friends is education and a very important piece in my life and in the life of many of my sisters even those who don’t decide to go fulltime. They do gain the confidence to go anywhere and be themselves and be proud of who they are as people- transgendered people! The Gala also serves to provide education to the public as well. The people of Erie have been invaded each year at this time by transgendered people who pump money into their city economy and who by their contact with us at restaurants, museums, wineries and golf courses as well malls and spas get the opportunity to interact with us and learn that we are just people- fun loving and warm hearted people who just happen to be transgendered! The city has been slowly educated- one citizen at a time.
So gather up your parkas and snow boots girls and head on up to Erie Pa for its Tenth Anniversary Gala. You will warm up to its welcoming friendly people and find many wonderful sisters –some of whom will become your closes friends in the community. You will not regret it! Spouses are always welcome and maybe that will educate them as well and you can find a peaceful coexistence or a deeper understanding. All in all it is a wonderful time and loads of fun and one you simply do not want to miss! It is time to gather in Erie for the Gala and let the “real life education” begin and the fun and support to carry you through.