Last week ABC News did a Primetime feature on the life and transition of one of my friends Chloe Prince. I will admit it was pretty cool to see someone I have known fairly well for years in my community on primetime television. I have spent time talking with her wife and with her adorable children. I have sat many times in the house where most of the interviews were filmed. I thought overall it was a good program although I know from talking with Chloe afterward that there were many hours of footage that ended up on the cutting room floor and there were several things which could have been documented because they were done so but not included by ABC in the program. The program showed some of the points and issues raised by Chloe, her wife and even some by her children. The children may have understood what was going on better than most of the adults …… “she has a girl inside her that needs to get out”. Children often are more intelligent than we give them credit for and they see things easier and simpler than many adults do after years of life and all of its indoctrination. I know Chloe plans a blog on this topic and I hope everyone takes the time to view her work as she has a lot to say and is always worth the visit to her blogs! I know Chloe has received some flack as well as praise over the program from those within as well as outside the transgendered community. I know many people have weighed in with comments to her and at various sites hailing her as everything from a super hero to a dark villain.
There are always those they see things in the binary world where there must be a clear winner in any issue just as they always see things as black and white, male and female and are unable to see the world or any issue as having the grey areas which is vast in its nature. However, most people are not comfortable in that world and struggle with such concepts. To them, there must always be one side prevailing on an issue, there can only be one side of any controversy as they see it and any notion of any world in which gender is defined as female or male beyond the anatomical parts one is born with is not acceptable because to them it cannot exist. These are the same people who say that Chloe must be wrong and vilified for what she has done and therefore one must side with her spouse and children.
I understand the needs of her children- they are the same needs all children need- love and support as they make their way in this world. I have children myself and I know many others in my community with children of various ages- some older like me and others younger like Chloe’s. Her children need this love and support from their parents and they get it. So what if the parents now happen to be both women. I know many lesbian couples who have raised their own or adopted children just fine based on giving them love and support. So what is the big deal? I also understand her wife’s positions and feelings- they are pretty much the same as those expressed by my now ex-wife when I came out and transitioned to be who I was called to be as a person. I sympathize with these feelings and I realize the pain and embarrassment transition causes a spouse or loved one.
However, just because I understand the anguish, pain and frustration of the spouse does not mean I or any other person should condemn Chloe or myself or countless other transgendered people for deciding we could no longer live a life of lies and deceptions as to who we are and always have been in this life as people. Until society realizes that these decisions to come out and transition to be the person we have always been inside and make our outer shell fit our inner soul and essence is not a choice but a necessity actions such as those undertaken by Chloe in her life or thousands of us transgendered souls, there will always be condemnation of those of us with the courage to risk it all to come out and tell the world who we really are as people and transition our anatomy to fit that of the person we have always been in life.
Could the story presented on ABC been a better one? Yes of course it could have been. Maybe some things which were deleted should have been aired and maybe it could have been longer to show more depth and broader views and documentation. However, I felt no need after viewing it to chose sides or condemn anyone. I understand the views and needs of all the participants and realize there not always simple answers to complex issues. Likewise, I know the majority of the world cannot see things such way because there must be always these clearly defined concepts of right and wrong, black and white, male and female and everything else that is defined by the binary system that has held our society’s advancement back for generations!
Do I necessarily agree with everything Chloe stated or presented on the program? Again the answer is that I may have done or said things differently. That however does not make either of us right or wrong- just a little different as we all are in this world despite the binary concepts that hold us back in our thinking. I will say I was impressed with the statements made by her father. Could he have been better? Probably so- but I also know how he use to feel and I gave him all the credit in the world for being on the show and speaking his mind and I think his love for Chloe as parent was obvious- just as Chloe’s love was for her children who were fabulous in their presentations for sure. Again, the issues raised in this show, as with many other shows and books which have been produced in our community about transgendered people, are complex and full of lots of grey but most people cannot deal with that because it rocks their rigid binary world.
I understood the views expressed by all the participants of the program and thought they all did a pretty good job. There were no winners and losers and there is no need to take sides or be critical of anyone. I feel sorry for those that do because they continue to be plagued by the same binary thought patterns that define our society and inhibit its progress. I applaud those that did not take any sides but could see all the views and understand the complexities of the issues presented. I do want to say this as someone who knows Chloe and has spent considerable time with her over the years I am proud of you girl! You did good girl as did all the others in the show and I hope the program will serve to facilitate the need for society to get out of its binary thinking and see the complexity of issues and the field of grey that lies in between the absolutes our society thrives on- although to our detriment.
For those of you who have not seen the program you can go to the ABC site and watch the rebroadcast of the show…….hopefully with an open mind and the absence of the binary thinking!
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