Binary Thinking: the aftermath of Chloe Prince and ABC Primetime

Last week ABC News did a Primetime feature on the life and transition of one of my friends Chloe Prince. I will admit it was pretty cool to see someone I have known fairly well for years in my community on primetime television. I have spent time talking with her wife and with her adorable children. I have sat many times in the house where most of the interviews were filmed. I thought overall it was a good program although I know from talking with Chloe afterward that there were many hours of footage that ended up on the cutting room floor and there were several things which could have been documented because they were done so but not included by ABC in the program. The program showed some of the points and issues raised by Chloe, her wife and even some by her children. The children may have understood what was going on better than most of the adults …… “she has a girl inside her that needs to get out”. Children often are more intelligent than we give them credit for and they see things easier and simpler than many adults do after years of life and all of its indoctrination. I know Chloe plans a blog on this topic and I hope everyone takes the time to view her work as she has a lot to say and is always worth the visit to her blogs! I know Chloe has received some flack as well as praise over the program from those within as well as outside the transgendered community. I know many people have weighed in with comments to her and at various sites hailing her as everything from a super hero to a dark villain.

There are always those they see things in the binary world where there must be a clear winner in any issue just as they always see things as black and white, male and female and are unable to see the world or any issue as having the grey areas which is vast in its nature. However, most people are not comfortable in that world and struggle with such concepts. To them, there must always be one side prevailing on an issue, there can only be one side of any controversy as they see it and any notion of any world in which gender is defined as female or male beyond the anatomical parts one is born with is not acceptable because to them it cannot exist. These are the same people who say that Chloe must be wrong and vilified for what she has done and therefore one must side with her spouse and children.

I understand the needs of her children- they are the same needs all children need- love and support as they make their way in this world. I have children myself and I know many others in my community with children of various ages- some older like me and others younger like Chloe’s. Her children need this love and support from their parents and they get it. So what if the parents now happen to be both women. I know many lesbian couples who have raised their own or adopted children just fine based on giving them love and support. So what is the big deal? I also understand her wife’s positions and feelings- they are pretty much the same as those expressed by my now ex-wife when I came out and transitioned to be who I was called to be as a person. I sympathize with these feelings and I realize the pain and embarrassment transition causes a spouse or loved one.

However, just because I understand the anguish, pain and frustration of the spouse does not mean I or any other person should condemn Chloe or myself or countless other transgendered people for deciding we could no longer live a life of lies and deceptions as to who we are and always have been in this life as people. Until society realizes that these decisions to come out and transition to be the person we have always been inside and make our outer shell fit our inner soul and essence is not a choice but a necessity actions such as those undertaken by Chloe in her life or thousands of us transgendered souls, there will always be condemnation of those of us with the courage to risk it all to come out and tell the world who we really are as people and transition our anatomy to fit that of the person we have always been in life.

Could the story presented on ABC been a better one? Yes of course it could have been. Maybe some things which were deleted should have been aired and maybe it could have been longer to show more depth and broader views and documentation. However, I felt no need after viewing it to chose sides or condemn anyone. I understand the views and needs of all the participants and realize there not always simple answers to complex issues. Likewise, I know the majority of the world cannot see things such way because there must be always these clearly defined concepts of right and wrong, black and white, male and female and everything else that is defined by the binary system that has held our society’s advancement back for generations!

Do I necessarily agree with everything Chloe stated or presented on the program? Again the answer is that I may have done or said things differently. That however does not make either of us right or wrong- just a little different as we all are in this world despite the binary concepts that hold us back in our thinking. I will say I was impressed with the statements made by her father. Could he have been better? Probably so- but I also know how he use to feel and I gave him all the credit in the world for being on the show and speaking his mind and I think his love for Chloe as parent was obvious- just as Chloe’s love was for her children who were fabulous in their presentations for sure. Again, the issues raised in this show, as with many other shows and books which have been produced in our community about transgendered people, are complex and full of lots of grey but most people cannot deal with that because it rocks their rigid binary world.

I understood the views expressed by all the participants of the program and thought they all did a pretty good job. There were no winners and losers and there is no need to take sides or be critical of anyone. I feel sorry for those that do because they continue to be plagued by the same binary thought patterns that define our society and inhibit its progress. I applaud those that did not take any sides but could see all the views and understand the complexities of the issues presented. I do want to say this as someone who knows Chloe and has spent considerable time with her over the years I am proud of you girl! You did good girl as did all the others in the show and I hope the program will serve to facilitate the need for society to get out of its binary thinking and see the complexity of issues and the field of grey that lies in between the absolutes our society thrives on- although to our detriment.

For those of you who have not seen the program you can go to the ABC site and watch the rebroadcast of the show…….hopefully with an open mind and the absence of the binary thinking!

Stream of consciousness.......... (NEW)

So much to talk about but nothing that merits whole blog so I will call this one my Hodge Podge of thoughts or maybe better yet a stream of consciousness I have spent several days now chatting on the phone periodically with my good friend and sister Debbie Dunkle and her beautiful wife Sandy who is a truly a gem for all spouses of transgendered people. Debbie underwent GRS on Friday under the hands of Dr. Marci Bowers and now her body is one that reflects who she truly is as a person and has been inside where it counts all her life. I am so happy for her and I am glad all went well for her and at the same time, I am no closer to answering the question which even my own personal physician asked me this week …do you plan to go all the way and have it yourself.? I simply do not know…...it is something I will contemplate for quite a while I think. ………

As I begin this blog I am stuck in Ohio in one of the biggest snow storms in years once again reaffirming why I am growing increasingly tired of winter, Seasons…smeasons …..the heck with it…. ..I am fine with spring and summer and fall but I am not a fan of winter in the slightest ( I do not like winter with a coat or with a moat ..I do not even like winter at the mall said Melissa to all … paraphrasing the teachings of Theodore Geisel) ………..all the snow, the bitter cold, the cold rain, the grey dark skies, the short days, the loss of sunlight….I hate winter and I am sick of it now !!…I demand warm sunny spring days when the sun feels good on your skin and your smile brightens a bit…….The only thing good about winter is I like wearing boots and sweaters but heck I can do that in late fall and early spring and we can still skip this whole winter thing……………….

I am seeing a lot of changes in Melissa these days. I have been only doing 100 mgs of spiro and 2 mgs of estrofem for seven weeks but the results have been surprising. My breasts are growing at what seems to be an alarming rate and they have grown quite sensitive. I keep inadvertently bumping them on things like counters and exercise bikes and I am jumping like a cricket out of my shoes. I think the hotel clerk was a bit taken back when I pumped them on counter and jumped like that…LOL…..The changes are scary as all are but they are also welcomed . I looked in the mirror this morning while standing in my panties as I applied my regimen of skin softening lotion to my body and I liked what I saw back in the mirror ..the skin smooth and soft and the impact of all the electrolysis on my face and the budding development of my breasts on my chest …More and more my body on the outside reflects who I am on the inside.

I had the opportunity to spend the evening with a friend of mine who has two small boys who are full of energy and zest which comes from being young and their whole life in front of them. I thought back to a time when mine were that age and then even more so to the time I was their age. Two things occurred to me as I did. One, their life should either of them be “different” in anyway, will find a future that is more open and accepting to people who are than either my children or I ever did and that makes me smile and feel good about the future. The future lies with the children and I sense it will be a more receptive one than most of us ever experienced and that is a good start to moving society forward. The second thing I wished was that I was their age again in today’s changing society in this more receptive world- but I retained all I know now about who I am and what this life is about and all my experiences thoughts and discussions. I know my life would have progressed vastly different than it did for sure.

Finally, I found a new trick out there girls for those of you like me that are attempting to grow their nails longer and maintain them even those of you like me who still work more extensively in the boi “shell mode” . Mine are coming along well and I really like how they look and make my hands be more feminine. I have regular manicures. In between, I file and apply both oil- to keep them soft so they have some give and won’t break, as well as nail hardener to keep them stronger so they won’t break. Despite these efforts, I usually still end up snagging one and having nine good nails and one messed up one. A solution to the problem is this simple. Remember the glue guns that melt a stick of off white glue Apply a tiny bit to the split nail and then smooth it out covering the area beginning to tear then apply and top coat over the entire nail. This holds the nail in place and mends its split until it can grow out further and bet rimmed and filed to shape….. I knew that glue gun would come in handy someday!

Six Days and Six Nights

Six days and six nights …….That is how long I will spend some time with my sisters and girlfriends Debbie Dunkle and Chloe Prince staying at Debbie’s house in Hampton Roads area of Virginia. I came to visit for two reasons. First, Debbie and her lovely wife Sandy (read blog from last May) have invited me down several times since we first met and are very nice people and secondly, I thought now was a good time to it on my schedule and it fit in well with the fact Debbie is about to undergo SRS on March 7th and I wanted to come and help support her and wish her well before she flies to Colorado next week. Debbie also invited Chloe to come down and spend a few days because she sensed some stress and issues going on with her and Chloe has her surgery is not far behind this spring. I am of course no where near that huge step and I am and suspect I will be for some time unsure about that course in my journey. I have been asked by many people including my gender therapist that specific question and I always answer I simply to not know and I clearly don’t. I am not worried as I know I will find the answer to the question someday in my journey. Although I figured spending some time with sisters who were about to undertake that step could not hurt in adding some information to ultimately resolving the issue for me

Of course being the third girl in this scenario and one who is much further behind the others in transitional terms left me wondering a bit whether I would fit in this scene especially for six days and nights. I mean both these girl has well endowed bodies brought on by effects of Klinefelters, years of hormones and breast augmentation. I on the other hand just started hormones five weeks ago although I will admit it seems the little darlings are getting a bit more sensitive and tender than they were five weeks ago that is for dang sure. Both Chloe and Debbie also have full use of the real hair as well while I sense that is something this girl will not likely regain. Debbie and Chloe can go during day without much makeup and that is another thing I cannot do although the periods of electrolysis has definitely lessened the amount and type of makeup needed for sure! Both girls have some of their “quirks” as well although I will admit I do too and let’s face it- we all do.

We have spent nearly two full afternoons shopping at various malls which seem to endlessly appear and open in this vast area of Virginia Beach, Norfolk, Newport News and other parts of the Hampton roads area. Let me say this Chloe is a great shopper. She knows styles well and how to find great bargains. The girl flew down here with a couple small bags and basically shopped her way to a new wardrobe that would last through the trip and beyond. I am not sure she is going to get all of it back on board in the small bags and neither is she but we will works something out I am sure. I can always carry a few things back for her in my car and get them to her sometime next month. Debbie on the hand is panic shopper. She searches all over the mall for certain items and only hours later she ends up in last minute panic trying to find what she needs before we have to leave. I fall somewhere in between these two. I definitely added to the wardrobe for sure with nice items some of which I already worn. I have picked up some makeup tips from Chloe which will be helpful and although she can go out without much if anything as make is concerned during day I do think I found someone that takes more time getting ready than me when she is getting all dolled up for the evening. Debbie is the quickest when it comes to getting ready. We have enjoyed some sightseeing and Monday we plan to tour Colonial Williamsburg for the day. We have been out to eat in some nice little quaint restaurants and more of that is in store although Chloe’s palate is more limited than mine (actually I eat just about any kind of food so I am not a good comparison) I am pretty flexible and easy going so I am accommodating on our schedules and plans. We have some pampering at salon and those of you who read last week’s blog know I love that a lot! Trips to Virginia Beach and dinner theatre also are still to come and I have truly enjoyed meeting the girls in the area at the GNOs Debbie arranged in Virginia Beach and Richmond over the last few nights. If you want to know a good dance club with good food and drink and very reasonable prices in Virginia Beach I highly recommend Rainbow Cactus Club. I ate a steak dinner and consumed massive quantities of drinks including some I bought for others and ended up with a 30.00 bill. This experience has been good for me and I have enjoyed our evening chats around Debbie’s fireplace in her living room and I have learned more about Chloe and Debbie and I guess they learned some more about me as we have talked about many issues such as jobs, transitioning, spouses, surgery, transgendered rights, sexual preferences as well as others in our Tg community. I have opened up but more importantly I have endeavored to listen as Debbie and Chloe have talked. Chloe is a very intelligent person and Debbie, being older, has been through a great deal in her life. I don’t always agree with them on everything and we all have our differences (its actually what makes humans interesting) but at the end of the day we are all sisters and we believe in doing things to help others and try to support and advance our transgendered community and that is a good thing as I see it. All of us like to have some fun while we relax as well. Six days and six nights …..it has been and will continue to be an enriching experience for me.