Stream of consciousness.......... (NEW)

So much to talk about but nothing that merits whole blog so I will call this one my Hodge Podge of thoughts or maybe better yet a stream of consciousness I have spent several days now chatting on the phone periodically with my good friend and sister Debbie Dunkle and her beautiful wife Sandy who is a truly a gem for all spouses of transgendered people. Debbie underwent GRS on Friday under the hands of Dr. Marci Bowers and now her body is one that reflects who she truly is as a person and has been inside where it counts all her life. I am so happy for her and I am glad all went well for her and at the same time, I am no closer to answering the question which even my own personal physician asked me this week …do you plan to go all the way and have it yourself.? I simply do not know…...it is something I will contemplate for quite a while I think. ………

As I begin this blog I am stuck in Ohio in one of the biggest snow storms in years once again reaffirming why I am growing increasingly tired of winter, Seasons…smeasons …..the heck with it…. ..I am fine with spring and summer and fall but I am not a fan of winter in the slightest ( I do not like winter with a coat or with a moat ..I do not even like winter at the mall said Melissa to all … paraphrasing the teachings of Theodore Geisel) ………..all the snow, the bitter cold, the cold rain, the grey dark skies, the short days, the loss of sunlight….I hate winter and I am sick of it now !!…I demand warm sunny spring days when the sun feels good on your skin and your smile brightens a bit…….The only thing good about winter is I like wearing boots and sweaters but heck I can do that in late fall and early spring and we can still skip this whole winter thing……………….

I am seeing a lot of changes in Melissa these days. I have been only doing 100 mgs of spiro and 2 mgs of estrofem for seven weeks but the results have been surprising. My breasts are growing at what seems to be an alarming rate and they have grown quite sensitive. I keep inadvertently bumping them on things like counters and exercise bikes and I am jumping like a cricket out of my shoes. I think the hotel clerk was a bit taken back when I pumped them on counter and jumped like that…LOL…..The changes are scary as all are but they are also welcomed . I looked in the mirror this morning while standing in my panties as I applied my regimen of skin softening lotion to my body and I liked what I saw back in the mirror ..the skin smooth and soft and the impact of all the electrolysis on my face and the budding development of my breasts on my chest …More and more my body on the outside reflects who I am on the inside.

I had the opportunity to spend the evening with a friend of mine who has two small boys who are full of energy and zest which comes from being young and their whole life in front of them. I thought back to a time when mine were that age and then even more so to the time I was their age. Two things occurred to me as I did. One, their life should either of them be “different” in anyway, will find a future that is more open and accepting to people who are than either my children or I ever did and that makes me smile and feel good about the future. The future lies with the children and I sense it will be a more receptive one than most of us ever experienced and that is a good start to moving society forward. The second thing I wished was that I was their age again in today’s changing society in this more receptive world- but I retained all I know now about who I am and what this life is about and all my experiences thoughts and discussions. I know my life would have progressed vastly different than it did for sure.

Finally, I found a new trick out there girls for those of you like me that are attempting to grow their nails longer and maintain them even those of you like me who still work more extensively in the boi “shell mode” . Mine are coming along well and I really like how they look and make my hands be more feminine. I have regular manicures. In between, I file and apply both oil- to keep them soft so they have some give and won’t break, as well as nail hardener to keep them stronger so they won’t break. Despite these efforts, I usually still end up snagging one and having nine good nails and one messed up one. A solution to the problem is this simple. Remember the glue guns that melt a stick of off white glue Apply a tiny bit to the split nail and then smooth it out covering the area beginning to tear then apply and top coat over the entire nail. This holds the nail in place and mends its split until it can grow out further and bet rimmed and filed to shape….. I knew that glue gun would come in handy someday!