Oh my, I have finally discovered a transgendered girl’s version of hell- being forced by circumstances to spend three days in the wilderness in rustic cabins as a “male” with five other males for card playing, beer drinking, “smelly odors”, fishing and so called “male bonding” activities. Now I love my college friends dearly and they have been wonderful friends to each other over the years. Our lives together began at a time when we were young and believed we would live forever unless the alcohol we consumed in mass quantities killed us but we always felt it would “preserve us” for prosperity. When we finished school and each embarked upon our respective careers we started a tradition which has continued for twenty-five years of returning to my campus for a long weekend of drinking, card playing, tailgating, football watching, fishing or golfing, dinners and camaraderie and for twenty-five consecutive years we have done so. Although we have gotten older and our bodies ability to absorb alcohol has greatly diminished over time we persevere.
For me however, recent years have presented many challenges as my true being has continued emerging from the shell that confined her for so many years. Yes I knew I was different even back when this tradition began but as I have said many times repression and denials are wonderful tools but they only work for a brief while. By immersing myself in this male bonding ritual I was able to fool myself and keep Melissa “in check”. The last few years it has become so much harder to do so. Melissa is a soft, sweet, feminine girl who loves shopping and beauty products and pampering and who adores pink! The idea of “roughing it” as they say is not something Melissa really considers as real viable option.
The long weekend started rough as I spent most of the evening driving and hauling in luggage, fishing gear, boxes of supplies and large bags of ice upon which I tore one of my beautiful nails I have been working on for months. The cabins provide little in the way of counter space I adore and one barely had room to attend to one’s needs by the sink or in the shower which was the size of a short phone booth! Pampering my body with lotions and creams was going to be extremely difficult. Additionally, only one of the other five friends knows of Melissa and one glance of my body or toes would have raised more questions than a Watergate inquiry to all but one of them. My friend David knows about me being transgendered because he is a part of the LGBT community himself. About thirteen years ago, he confided in me as a friend that he was gay and I felt that he deserved to know about me so I said to him” speaking of true confessions, by the way I am transgendered” I think our friendship has grown stronger because we share a secret. I know its hard on him to do all this outdoor stuff as he would rather spend his time at a museum or the opera than the great outdoors but he suffers through it.
Friday was miserable as we spent eight hours fishing on a boat in and out of periodic rain showers which left us soaked and cold. I have never been a fan of dealing with the messy worms and God knows I never touch the fish I catch as they are slimy and my idea of fish is grilled and served on my dinner platter. I tried to avoid using the worms but after the minnows ran out I was forced to. My fingers took another beating and I spent most of Friday evening trying to clean up my nails which were such disasters by now I could send a nail tech’s child to college for what it is going to cost me to pamper them back into girl shape. I did manage to catch two small mouth bass which my friends remove from the hook for me. After a hot shower which is not a daily occurrence on this frontier weekend, I felt a little better in a fresh pair of panties and some body wash on my body. I do much of the cooking over the trip as I am a very good cook and I cooked breakfast before we left and dinner Friday night which was raved about over cards before the conversation turned to the size of one‘s bowel movements and the “tits” on the girl at the boat dock as well as many other crude and lewd comments made by men while drinking beer. If only the rest of them knew I which I was that girl at the boat dock and why can’t we talk about how nice her eyes looked with her makeup or how she styled her hair!
I realized I am not cut out for “roughing it” as I clearly prefer a day at a beauty spa than a day in the wilderness fishing and getting all wet and dirty and listening to typical male comments. My idea of roughing it is to go without satin sheets. I was clearly roughed out again by this experience and I guess the only way its going to change is for me to come clear and let the other four know what David knows and accepts. Hmmmm…...I wonder if that will change the sleeping arrangements and cabin assignments on these long yearly reunion weekend trips .All I know is can someone pass me some sweet smelling body lotion and my perfume? I think I still need to remove this fishy and wilderness smell from poor Melissa‘s body!
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