This week was a very interesting week as far as my journey as Melissa was concerned and it was filled with all sorts of discoveries and twists and turns. The week started out Sunday afternoon in Columbus where I spend the entire day expressing Melissa and working on various projects at my computer while at a public internet hot spot followed by dinner Sunday evening. You know it’s kind of an interesting fact that many woman do not dine alone even when working on the road while quite often you will find men alone for diner while they are working on the road. Why is that? I had heard that fact mentioned a few times before but never really noticed it until I was the one sitting in the restaurant alone as I outwardly expressed Melissa. There were couples and there were groups and there were a few tables of two women and some single men but I was the lone single woman. Is there some general unwritten code out there that woman do not dine at diner alone? Sunday evening was relatively uneventful as I slipped into my comfy pink pajamas and lay in my bed and caught up on my reading of trade journals.
Monday morning was an exciting one for me as I had my appointment with the gender therapist – a truly wonderful caring woman who I will love working with very much and I see her being of great benefit to me in my journey. I did not know what to expect but she made me feel comfortable. She made a few suggestions for me to be even more “passable” but she thought I could transition physically if I went that route with my small stature, small ankles and wrists and small feet. We talked about many things which had happened to me in my journey and my discovery as well as the how the program worked. She had already received an extensive detailed questionnaire which gave her much background information .We talked about my family and my wife’s “tolerance” of Melissa and then she asked me directly whether I was prepared to separate from my spouse if I continued to transition and my spouse balked and effused to truly embrace and accept who I was – Melissa. That was a tough question but I know it is one many transgendered people face if they are married or involved in a committed relationship and the partner rejected their transition to be fully who they are as a person. In the end, if I am to continue this journey, and I will, my spouse will need to provide more support and embracement of Melissa and maybe we can find peace at a point along the way. I hope so but I know it is a difficult thing I ask of her and many times relationships cannot survive transition. After a session lasting nearly ninety minutes my therapist confirmed what I knew and gave me the details on group sessions which I will attend this fall. She also gave me some references for laser hair removal and electrolysis on my d=face and I will begin that work later this fall when I first can get the financial resources to do it and during a period of time when I give my face some rests after the treatments. I suspect as we discussed that my therapist will also refer me for evaluation of HRT.
After a serious session such as that a girl only has one choice she has to shop and so I proceeded to headed to the Easton shops and after eating lunch alone (again I was the only woman to do so) I spent the afternoon shopping and of course found some bargains and sales I just could not pass up! Of course after shopping all afternoon I needed energy so I dined alone again and was the only woman to do so in the restaurant. On Tuesday I made my appointment for my laser hair removal evaluation and the ladies there were very nice and sweet and explained a lot of things to me. Several girls in the area had gone there and liked their work. I did a bit more work on my projects before dining with a transgendered sister who I adore. I think I realized why women don’t often dine alone. It’s because we love to chat and share our thoughts with our girlfriends and dining seems to be much more pleasurable that way. What is sad is that just two days I dined with my friend she left her wife after a terrible argument with her spouse. My friend is transitioning with hormones and hair removal and such but despite the fact she works as her true self her wife refuses to let her be herself at home at all and she could not take the intolerance any more. We had chatted about it over our meal together and I talked about what my therapist had asked me the day before. When I heard what happened only a couple days later I feel so sorry for her – I know she hurts and she hurts badly. She is a wonderfully sweet girl and I hate to see her in pain. I cried for her and myself because I see what may be in store for me on my chosen path. I ended my week by putting on my bathing suit and getting in hot tub where I was staying and sipping a glass of wine. The bubbles were relaxing but I know the peace I felt may be transitory. However, my motto is find peace where you can for as long as you can because we all know storms are always on the horizon. I chose however to dine in my room alone instead of a restaurant. I am beginning to understand why.
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