The Next Step (Summer 2007)

I know it’s only a visit but for me it’s a long needed step …..Tomorrow (Monday) I have my first session with a gender therapist. I have been thinking about this step for quite some time. Some people have asked me why I am going. Do I plan to get hormones? Do I plan to transition partially or fully? Do I want to live full time as Melissa? Do I want to have SRS? The answer to all these questions is simple…I simply don’t know and I think maybe it’s time I explored these and many other issues of being transgendered with a professional gender therapist.

I spent considerable time picking one I could be comfortable with and that was very important to me. I talked with my friend Paula who has seen one and she spoke with her therapist who recommended a couple which were geographically closer to me although it’s a very clear fact we won’t find someone like that in the hollers of West “By God” Virginia. (I believe West Virginia’s version of gender therapy is to take the poor transgendered person out and shoot them or hang them so they won’t bother other ‘normal “people and in their mind, put the poor transgendered out of his or her misery.) One important factor for me is that I feel the therapist needed to be a woman as I have always been more comfortable with woman professionals such as physicians and I think it is hard for a man to understand why someone he sees as another man wants to be a woman. I researched the recommendations provided by Paula’s therapist and I also began talking with many other sisters and even a transman who all had seen the therapist I decided on and all loved her so much and felt comfortable working with her. I also found good anonymous reviews about my therapist on the internet as well. She seemed to be a good fit for me so I contacted her and set up my appointment with her. Due to my schedule and hers it took about six weeks to find a convenient time to meet. I had to complete about a twenty page questionnaire before the process as well. The questionnaire made me do more soul searching and thinking about various issues in my life and where I might be headed. No one said being transgendered was easy – which is another reason why I decided I needed to get some guidance from someone who has worked with so many others professionally. Sometimes we know the roads and options and turns in them but that does not mean we don’t need a guide to help us find the right path and guide us on some of the twists and turns we face on the road.

I am of course very anxious about this appointment and I wonder what she will ask and what we will talk about and what she will have to say about my direction and choices I have in my journey. I am as ready as I ever will be for this visit and I know it will be part of finding some answers for me in my journey as a transgendered person. I don’t read too much into this step as some people do- it’s a step in the right direction and it’s a small but significant one for me in my struggles and in my journey as Melissa.