The Winter Blues

I dislike winter a great deal and seem to do so more and more each and every winter season. Sure a little snow and cold is nice in December to celebrate the holidays but it quickly grows old by the time it is time to put the Christmas Tree away for season. Particularly harsh winters like the one we have experienced here in central Ohio these past few months seems to only make my distain of winter even more intense. It seems like I cannot remember looking out the window of my dwelling and not seeing piles of snow everywhere. I have broken a windshield wiper and an ice scraper already this season with the removal of snow from my car. I have driven home from work after a 14 hour day with 10 inches of snow on the ground and the interstate reduced to system with two tire tracks on an icy, snow-packed nightmare where top speeds are 20-25 miles per hour! That was, of course after I spent twenty minutes just digging my car out of the parking lot to even begin driving. That mess had barely settled when another storm dumped ten more ….enough is enough already!.

When I was a child winters never better me much at all. Wintery days full of snow and ice meant the ever precious “Snow Day” from school and that the ice and snow conditions were great for sledding with my friends in my neighborhood. The cold invigorated me and winter seemed liked fun. Today, I find it disgusting. Even when it is not snowing, it is spewing another of my least favorite weather conditions- cold rain. Let me state this for a fact, nothing cuts through your body to chill and ache your aging bones like cold rain! Even when it is not snowing or raining, it stays cold, dark and grey and always overcast. My sinuses hate the effects of winter. My car hates driving in it and the effects of snow and ice and salt do nothing but damage its frame and push it to survive. My body is deprived of the warmth of the sun. Each year that we finally experience that nice warm sunny spring day I bask in the warmth the sun and breeze on my body like my entire body is renewed with life.

Some people ask why I don’t move somewhere where it is warm even in the winter. First of all, those places those places are near my group of friends here. Secondly, they are usually in places where the cost of living is three to four times that of the Midwest. I realized the other day I have lived in only four cities in my life and all four are drivable from the other by a five hour drive or less. All the cities have experienced the seasons full cycle. Each year, it seems to me that winter last longer. I know it doesn’t actually but it sure feels like it does. The winter of 09-10 has been one of the worst and I have struggled with its wrath and effects much more than in winters past. The absence of the sun affects me emotionally as well. Each winter seems to have a cumulative effect on my body and spirit. I don’t think Paula has enjoyed much of this winter as well. So I for one cannot await the arrival of spring. I will sing and dance with great joy and let the sun’s warm rays cast down upon my body. I will take great joy in celebrating the demise of the cold, dark wet winter and sing of spring’s sweet arrival!

Pictured above is my friend Lana and I at my birthday dinner celebration last month.

Seasons......like life

I don’t know about the rest of you but I have grown tired of winter. I know there are some out there that actually like winter and look forward to it. Yes, I know one can go ice skating and skiing and other such activities during the winter months. Some people just love snow and that is fine but it is not my cup of tea for sure. I grow tired of winter not too long after the Christmas decorations have been put away and the New Year’s festivities have ended. Winter is dreary; the days seem so short and night so long. Grey skies are commonplace and it is often bitterly cold and the snow often becomes massively accumulated and intermixed with ice and sleet. Travel is more difficult including flying.
I find by the time Valentine’s Day comes and goes that I am nearly ready to scream and cannot wait until that first warm day in spring when the sun’s rays hug my body and make me feel alive again. It feels so good to my body and awakens my dark cold slumber and shakes off the effects of a long cold winter. Sometimes I like to go in search of that crazy rodent in Pennsylvania who seemingly every year sees his blasted shadow and predicts six more weeks of winter – like he really cares- he is snuggled asleep underground where it is warm and cozy. He probably always predicts more winter just to get revenge on us humans who insist on dragging him from his long winter’s slumber in warmth just for some display on a day named after him. Thank God it is February is a short month and March is ahead of us- maybe spring is not far behind.
Spring brings some rain for sure but it also brings warmer days and longer days and a better hope that when you wake up the day will have some sunshine and temperatures will soar into the 60’s and the birds will sing and sitting outside for breakfast becomes possible. Spring is followed by summer which can be intense in the humidity that is prevalent around here but the days are warm and usually sunny and the days are longer and travel is easier. Summer leads to fall which is a favorite of mine except it is followed by the ugliness of winter! Fall brings dry crisp warm days and cool but not cold nights- a true delight. However, without winter, appreciation of spring and its rebirth and summer and its long sunny days and fall with its rich clearness and colorful display would not be possible. Just a few more weekends and it will be St. Pats Day which is always a good reason to celebrate the fact that winter’s expiration is only a few days away and spring’s rebirth is on its way. This winter was special for me this year because of my travel to the even colder Northeast to undergo my facial feminization surgery which brought about the rebirth of my face to more readily reflect the femininity of Melissa but like winter and its slow progression towards spring I still am working through the effects of this surgery. Stitches still reside inside my mouth making it difficult to clear my food and my lips are still trying to relax and permit me to enunciate certain sounds better and the rhinoplasty still makes me sound like I have a constant sinus infection and a way too nasally sound in my voice. My skin and jaw still feel tight. I still have some swelling often get an itch on my head but while I can sense the itch I cannot even feel much of my finger scratching the itch and it too feels tight. I seem to get just a little better each day and soon when weeks and months have passed and the warmth of spring is upon us all, I will feel more comfortable and things will still have settled and I will look like a rebirth has occurred in my face just as it does when spring awakens us from our long grey dreary slumber of winter. This spring will also be another period of rebirth for me. For just as I grow comfortable form the increasingly longer warmer days of spring and my face and head settles into a comfort like that of spring, I will undergo yet another procedure or two that will finally bring my body into peace with my soul, my essence and my true inner self. This rebirth will be followed by long days of summer in which time I will learn more about my new body which will be the one I should have been born with but which I know little about. It will also be a time for reflection and growth as a woman but the long warm days of summer will provide that opportunity for me so that when my fall comes I am basking in its colors and enjoying its warmth and briskness and hopefully by then preparing myself for the winter to come and maybe it won’t be so bad after all……one never knows…..

Pictured above is Paula and I at the Valentine's Day Dinner and Dance