Going Home Again-The Class Reunion

There was a old saying that “you cannot go home again” which meant that if and when you do things will be so different that it is not the “home” you remembered it to be if you have been gone so long and everything changed. This is also because you have also changed since you left and for someone like me that change can be far more significant than most other people. However, I think that sometimes you can go home again in small doses and while there clearly there have been changes they can be put aside for period of time to reconnect with friends from the past. This is particularly true for attending a high school class reunion when one has experienced what I have been through in coming out as transgendered and going through all the changes I have been through over the last few years.

This past weekend I attended my 32nd high school class reunion. Now most of you not associated with my class are probably asking “32nd” class reunion? That seems like a strange number. Well I would have to agree with you on this but our class did not get together on our 25th or 30th so it had been since 1998 since our group had gathered and one of my classmates, Debbie Stith Arlinghaus decided we had waited long enough so she organized the gathering of the BHS Class of 1978. She put a lot work into planning the event and gathering up the gang and the turnout for the reunion was really truly fabulous. Facebook and other internet connections always make this process a bit easier than it used to be that is for sure.

When I first heard about the event I will admit that I did not immediately jump at the idea of “going back”. Things have not always gone well in the past when I have attempted to reconnect or stay connected to others in past periods of my life and I was not sure how this would play out as well. However, after a couple days of thinking about it and some chats with Debbie I decided it was not fair for me to assume anything about my old classmates (yes we are all old as about 99% of us hit 50 this year) and I should give them an opportunity to meet the person they did not know as well as they maybe thought they did in high school. Besides it would only be for a few hours so if it went sour I could always bail and return to my new home here with my partner and friends in Columbus. Despite the bit of trepidation I decided I would go so I reworked some things on my schedule and hopped in my car to head south on I-71. I had a few minutes to kill before heading out to the location of the event so I drove through my old hometown and drove by a few places that were always special to me as well as my high school and my home I was raised in and lived in until I left for WV.

I got out of my car and headed up the hill to where the event was taking place which was a nice bar with a great outdoor venue area and patio owned and operated by another classmate of mine Pam Reeves Caudill and her husband who also graduated from our school but not in the same class. I was immediately welcomed and hugged by Debbie and Pam and a host of other women from my class. Some like Kelly had had some experiences with peoplefrom the LGBT community. No- not those kinds of “experiences” but conversations and such but the fact she had been around others did not surprise me as Kelly was always the adventurous one in school!) The questions began and I answered all of them and kidded with them about the whole process and what had gone on over the last few years in my life and my journey. It was great to see everyone again and talk about our lives and even the past.

The internet is sometimes a double edged sword. While it clearly helped me connect with other people like me and learn more about events, community support and groups and such, it is also a source for vast information about someone or the aspects of one’s life that become revealed to others. My high school is in a large metro area of Cincinnati but the town itself is a small one and just like what had happened in my town where I lived in WV for over twenty years, the “news” of my life and transition and the fact I was transgendered did not stay under wraps for long. Apparently, just like the firestorm which hit my old town in WV, word spread like wildfire through my old hometown and place of birth just as fast. Evidently, many discovered a website I had created on my struggles and journey and my “secret life” but in all honesty I sometimes forget how easy it is to do so. I had become Facebook friends with some of them over the last year as well. So they all knew a lot more about me and what had on gone on my life over the last few years. A few out of town people obviously did not know what had transpired so that called for a bit more explaining.

Despite all this I think it was important that they got to meet the real me- the one they never even knew existed and who lived deeply buried in a tightly wrapped shell for a good part of my life. Maybe in the deep recesses of the back of my mind I thought maybe one day they might get that opportunity if I could find my way through the entanglements that could lead me to the other side and letting people see me for who I am and always really have been in this life- Melissa.

I still of course got a lot of questions and I answered them all the best I could and I do not consider anything to off limits. The learning process requires openness and honesty. I answered questions about my surgeries and transition both physically and legally. While I enjoyed catching up on what has gone on in their lives and work (it is hard to believe some of my classmates have grand kids!) I have to admit I did get a few “different” questions during the evening. Some of these included wondering whether “pink was my signature color” or “how I took the name Melissa” to the best one of the night which came after I explained the surgery and the fact I have a vagina now when I was asked “does it work?” Yes- it does work quite well thank you!

Most of my chats that evening were with the women in my class who I will say were just a bit more overall comfortable with me than some of the men but I kind of just expect that will occur in these situations. I usually get one or two of the men who still insist on addressing me in the wrong gender pronoun but that is expected. I had a nice chat with Jeff. Jack also listened as I tried to explain all this in a few minutes to him but at least his last question was right on point when he said “I don’t understand all this but are you happy with your life now?” and after answering affirmatively , he said , “I guess that is all that really matters”.

Dave Fessler was one of my good friends from high school and I received a warm hug from him and his lovely wife, Jill. He also sent me several messages before the event and after which I clearly enjoyed as well. In the one before he stated “Hello old friend. While this new you is taking some getting used to, you are as much a friend as always. Forgive me in advance though if I ever use your "old" name! Take care. In the one to follow the reunion he stated “Great to see you (and all our classmates) at the reunion. Hope all went well and you enjoyed yourself. Jill and I had a great time and I enjoyed seeing everyone.Beyond that, I wanted to share a quote with you that I often think about and which I think you will also appreciate. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that ‘What lies before us, and what lies behind us are small matters when compared to what lies within us.’ Take care, and God's grace be with you.”

Yes Dave I appreciate that quote very much and I think it is quite appropriate for me in my journey. I had a blast at the reunion and it was indeed so much fun to see everyone again and let them get acquainted with the person they did not know as well back in the old days but who by their actions and expressions have proven that form time to time you can go “home” again and always will be welcome when you do!

The Winter Blues

I dislike winter a great deal and seem to do so more and more each and every winter season. Sure a little snow and cold is nice in December to celebrate the holidays but it quickly grows old by the time it is time to put the Christmas Tree away for season. Particularly harsh winters like the one we have experienced here in central Ohio these past few months seems to only make my distain of winter even more intense. It seems like I cannot remember looking out the window of my dwelling and not seeing piles of snow everywhere. I have broken a windshield wiper and an ice scraper already this season with the removal of snow from my car. I have driven home from work after a 14 hour day with 10 inches of snow on the ground and the interstate reduced to system with two tire tracks on an icy, snow-packed nightmare where top speeds are 20-25 miles per hour! That was, of course after I spent twenty minutes just digging my car out of the parking lot to even begin driving. That mess had barely settled when another storm dumped ten more ….enough is enough already!.

When I was a child winters never better me much at all. Wintery days full of snow and ice meant the ever precious “Snow Day” from school and that the ice and snow conditions were great for sledding with my friends in my neighborhood. The cold invigorated me and winter seemed liked fun. Today, I find it disgusting. Even when it is not snowing, it is spewing another of my least favorite weather conditions- cold rain. Let me state this for a fact, nothing cuts through your body to chill and ache your aging bones like cold rain! Even when it is not snowing or raining, it stays cold, dark and grey and always overcast. My sinuses hate the effects of winter. My car hates driving in it and the effects of snow and ice and salt do nothing but damage its frame and push it to survive. My body is deprived of the warmth of the sun. Each year that we finally experience that nice warm sunny spring day I bask in the warmth the sun and breeze on my body like my entire body is renewed with life.

Some people ask why I don’t move somewhere where it is warm even in the winter. First of all, those places those places are near my group of friends here. Secondly, they are usually in places where the cost of living is three to four times that of the Midwest. I realized the other day I have lived in only four cities in my life and all four are drivable from the other by a five hour drive or less. All the cities have experienced the seasons full cycle. Each year, it seems to me that winter last longer. I know it doesn’t actually but it sure feels like it does. The winter of 09-10 has been one of the worst and I have struggled with its wrath and effects much more than in winters past. The absence of the sun affects me emotionally as well. Each winter seems to have a cumulative effect on my body and spirit. I don’t think Paula has enjoyed much of this winter as well. So I for one cannot await the arrival of spring. I will sing and dance with great joy and let the sun’s warm rays cast down upon my body. I will take great joy in celebrating the demise of the cold, dark wet winter and sing of spring’s sweet arrival!

Pictured above is my friend Lana and I at my birthday dinner celebration last month.

Politics of Change and Focus

Politics is a very dirty word and not just figuratively any more. We have all seen the polls out there that show that Republicans and conservatives are the favorite darlings in Americana and in the state of Ohio where I live. Just a little over a year ago the landscape looked vastly different and liberals, progressives and Democrats (myself included in this "mix") were celebrating the gains in the U.s. Senate and House and President’s historic election as this country’s first non white President. In Ohio seats were gained that shifted control of the house to a more progressive view. There was talk of HB 176 in Ohio which provides protections to those in the LGBT community against discrimination at work, in loans, in housing and public accommodations. At the national level excitement grew that we could realistically see serious reform to a health care system which is designed not to take care of people but to see that insurance companies makes billions of dollars. The largest turnout ever for NCTE’s lobby days occurred last spring on the belief that ENDA legislation was a real possibility. DADT could become history and we even thought we might see a few wins on the issue of same gender unions in some states although it was not going to be Ohio due to George W. Bush’s campaign team putting a constitutional issue on the ballot in 2004 so he could win re-election. All in all, it looked like some real progress for social justice and reform might actually be accomplished- something that has not happened since the 1960’s.

However, when President Obama entered office last January the winds of force began to change and change quickly. There are several factors for this phenomenon-not the least of which is the fact he is black and the boys with the white privilege began to feel threatened by the fact the President was not among “their crowd”. Secondly, the economy- thanks largely to the ineptitude and design of his predecessor, President Obama entered office with the fragile economy at its lowest point in a very long time and a bank crises and faltering stock market to boot. The Republicans, who under “W’ took the surplus that Clinton had left and spent it and then some to the tune of 6 million dollars then tried to blame it all on the “liberal Democrats” as they always sing that tune. When Obama added one million more through the stimulus bill all of a sudden he is the coming of the Antichrist! Tea baggers and religious right wing extremists bolstered by their win on Prop 8 and other states began chomping at the bit to take him apart. Since then the polls for Obama and Democrats at the national level as well as state level began spiraling into the abyss and with their downfall came any hope of passing progressive legislation or correcting a healthcare mess that leaves forty million people uninsured. Healthcare, my friends, is not a luxury – it is a necessity of life to sustain one’s self. The economy is sluggishly improving but no one expected it to turn around over night- not with the biggest downfall since nearly the great depression. Bottom line is that many people have no jobs, no healthcare and no rights. This is particularly important to those of us in the LGBT community who are swimming at the bottom of the cesspool. It is downright depressing and I am not very hopeful.

Can Obama and the Dems salvage the situation? Possibly but it would take a near miracle. I mean let’s face it, a beefcake boy from the Republicans wins the seat that six months ago was held in Massachusetts by one of the most progressive and liberal U.S. Senators in history for the past forty years! A year ago that would have been laughed at if anyone even suggested it. Obama must change his direction if he has any chance of minimizing the damage this fall across the country. Here is what I would do to try and salvage the mess.

First of all, embrace the progressives and liberals who helped get you elected in the first place Mr. President. Unless you energize this base the Dems stand no real chance of averting disaster.
Second, pack up all the troops in the Middle East and come home. We have wasted billions of dollars of taxpayer money engaged in two wars we cannot win in countries with culture we cannot understand. Divert the troops to two main purposes such as helping the nation and countries such as Haiti rebuild from disasters. The balance of the forces should be used to protect our borders from threats to our country by people who misuse Islam as a front to afflict hatred and terror on the people of this country. The money we have spent fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan over the past nine years could have financed the finest healthcare imaginable for every citizen of this nation.

Third – fire your advisers and some of your staff Mr. President. These people have aided in the financial mess this country is in and they are also giving you so much bad advice
Fourth- stand up fiercely to the opposition and show leadership.
Fifth- the economy is on everyone’s mind and is the only way you can get back in the public’s good graces so come after it and put in an aggressive policy that includes not just stimulus money but tax breaks and incentives. Reward business which expand, those that start and those that hire Americans and punish the cheaters and those that shift jobs overseas. Create opportunities and incentives for starting businesses in deeply economic depressed areas. Think outside the box and hammer the opposition if they fail to step up to the plate and contribute.

Next- get the healthcare reform bill through Congress by simplifying it. Reform things like pre-existing exclusions and insist on public option for the forty million Americans without any healthcare. Healthcare is not a luxury but a necessity. The public option would bring the carriers more in line and provide option for those unable to procure insurance through private means. Keep the plan simple and focused on prevention as well.

Finally, pass ENDA. Civil rights are just that- ensuring that all people are judged by their work and character and not who they once were anatomically or who they sleep with or wish to be with as a partner. The same was true for gender and color and race and age and disability and everything which has come before. Basic rights cost the government little out of the treasury. Every citizen is entitled to them – period – end of issue! If people want to discriminate in who they let come into their church or synagogue or masque so be it but every citizen is to be free of discrimination in necessities like a place to sleep and eat and a job to pay for the basic necessities of life. Get out there and explain it in terms of civil rights.

There you have it Mr. President- keep it focused and simple -push and explain and don’t wait to do something until it is too late. Show the fight and spirit you showed in running for office and promising change. Demonstrate leadership and vision and reassure Americans. It’s what politics is really all about and not the system of stalemate and posturing that only gets us further in the whole in this country!

The Ominous Birthday!

I remember the day I turned 16 and headed off to take my driver’s test so I could have that coveted driver’s license which would give me so much more freedom, or at least I thought. I still even remember my birthdays as a child with two parties- one for the adults and one for my friends from the neighborhood and school. My mother, who, like me, loved to bake, would always make cupcakes and take them into my grade school on my birthdays as well. The kids would all sing Happy Birthday to me on my special day. I did not mind my birthdays at all-for who would not like cake and ice cream and presents! It was my special day! As I grew older the celebrations diminished but it was my special day and one cannot ever outgrow cake and ice cream not matter what age!

When I turned 18 I remember the wild party that ensued with my high school classmates for I had reached adulthood and was now able to vote, work without restrictions, own my car and other property and for most things treated as an adult. When I turned 21and was able to legally drink everywhere and I remember my friends taking me out for a wild celebration that included each one taking turns buying me shots of their choice (and each trying to be more “creative”) with the expectation that I was to make it to 21 shots in addition to all the other alcohol I had consumed. I remember 17 shots but nothing afterward until about 5 AM in the morning when I was eating at some 24 hour diner with the few survivors. It did not matter- I was young and I was invincible. I did not need sleep and I partied like there was no tomorrow- what did I care I was young and my whole life was ahead of me!

Each birthday after that was a nice celebration of cake and ice cream and each birthday morning in my old life began with the playing on the stereo of the Beatle’s classic hit “Birthday” followed that evening by presents and cards from my family. My ex always took me out to dinner to celebrate as I did for her birthday. When I turned 30, I still felt so young and invincible and still carrying deeply buried secret so immersed in side me- but I still had so much of my life left. My daughter was only four and my son had just been born two weeks earlier. I made more money than I knew what do with as a young partner in a law firm of much prestige.

On the day I turned forty I took the day of work to spend the day with my son and daughter who were off school for some reason. By this time the secret I had been carrying had long since emerged and I had long begun struggling with my identity of who I really was underneath that shell that hid me so well for so long and my career was began to unravel as well. But I still believed I could control it- I was invincible! The day started as usual with the blaring of the Beatle’s tune and that weekend would be presents and cake and dinner with my family. My staff at the office had decided to decorate my office with tombstones and black streamers and all sorts of decorations insinuating that I was “over the hill”! I laughed at the spectacle. I was forty- I was still young and I had my whole life ahead of me and I was still a partner in a law firm and making more money in year than my father made in six or seven years! I did not give one thought to the decade that was ahead of me.

The past decade did many things to shake me from my feeling of youth and invincibility. My true self continued to emerge from the layers I had poured on her and made me feel so much more alive but also so much more vulnerable. A few years into the decade I would be faced with dealing with Alzheimer’s which had ravished my mother and the advanced age of my parents as well as the ultimate deaths of my mother and my father and the untimely death of my brother. I began to realize that I was not invincible and someday my time would come. I did not want people to remember me as the person I was not and as a coward who hid the real me from the world. The decade would bring about the decision to transition to live my life as who I really was and not someone I pretended to be. I left the law firm and began another career and then yet another. My transition brought about many changes in me and the disintegration of my family relations and rejection of my children. I met Paula and over a year fell in love with this beautiful loving woman who accepted me and embraced me for who I truly was and we began a life together but that only added more pain to others. I would be challenged physically with medications, hormones, laser and electrolysis and, of course, several difficult and physically challenging surgeries to bring my anatomy in line with my soul and essence!

Now in a couple weeks I will hit another milestone- my fiftieth birthday! 50- For God sakes that is old! I really don’t feel that old and hopefully I don’t look it either but just saying it makes me feel old. Thirty was young and forty sounded kind of young-BUT 50 is old. I face this coming birthday with some trepidation! I don’t care what you say about some of you hitting 50 or even 60 or 70 already ……turning fifty really hits you right smack in the face with a taunting message that says…”Just how invincible are you now girl!!!”I can no longer tell myself I am in my forties and still “sort of young”. No – I am about to embark on the fifties and that my friends is no longer young- no matter how you look it. I am a middle-aged woman……

Although I will enter this birthday landmark with some trepidation; I cannot stop it from coming anymore than I could all the rest of them that have come before …..it will come just like the rest of them came, with a little fanfare, some well wishes and cards, some presents from my love Paula, a nice dinner out and some cake and ice cream. It will come and I will enter a new decade of life but this decade will be at least one of living it as who I truly am and always have been! Maybe it will also include a blaring of a little Beatles tune as well….I guess I should be glad it is not “When I’m sixty-four” huh?

2009-a wild ride that got wilder!

As we come close to closing out yet another year I always take stock in what has happened in my life as we near the dawning of yet another year. 2009 will definitely go down in my memory as the most challenging and exciting years of my life. When I closed out last year I talked about the wild ride for 2008 that brought about many changes and I discussed what was to come in 2009 but that foretelling was only the tip of the iceberg in my life journey. There will probably never be another year like this one but that is good as I need to settle in a bit more although I know there are many more paths to trail in this journey and challenges ahead- at least I hope so anyway!

The beginning of this year brought about the inauguration of a new President - one that only 20 years ago would have seemed nearly impossible. An African- American was installed as our newest President although he came in under circumstances which were far from optimal and far more challenges than many other s had seen in sometime. I was driving to Boston that day with Paula for what would be the first of my surgical procedures on 2008 that would alter my body and anatomy to comport with not only my presentation but my inner essence and soul as well. We stopped in a service center in Connecticut for gas and lunch and watched the process on TV as it unfolded. I would have loved for my father to have seen this as he believed he would never see such a sight in his lifetime and he was right. He died a couple years to soon. My brother – one of the few people I know who actually admits voting for McGovern in 1972 would have loved it to but atlas his life had been cut short not long before our father.

Boston would involve about 13 days of stay in a hotel room while I recovered from the trauma and pain of having my face and head torn apart by a skilled plastic surgeon able to only eat soft foods in small bites and a routine of medicine, ice packing and even boredom relieved only by computer contacts and phone calls and a wickedly lengthy game of gin rummy with my partner, my love and my supporter – Paula! We left there to travel to Philadelphia where we both met with our surgeon to discuss the next round of surgeries as well. I returned home to find out I was had been terminated from working for a company on their planning projects because I was transgendered and people were uncomfortable working with me. I am sure that not too long ago people were uncomfortable working with African Americans and now such individual had become President of this great country of ours! I became more resolved than ever from this experience and Paula and I continued our efforts to seek justice, liberty and equality of opportunity and to pursue our happiness in life by continuing to work with groups such as TransOhio, Equality Ohio and NCTE to promote such concepts through rallies and lobbying, letter writing and meetings and workshops as we sought to have enacted Ohio HB 176 as well as ENDA and the Hate Crimes Bill. Discrimination and hatred against those of us in the LGBT community for simply being who we are and we who we want to be with must end and this struggle for dignity will endure for some time to come. We traveled to our state capital in Columbus as well as our nation’s capital in Washington, DC. There is still so much more work to do and we will continue to pursue these goals and face the challenges in the years to come.

The spring also brought about our move from Circleville to Columbus and we still are so grateful for all our friends who helped in this massive endeavor. I know there would pieces of stuff and some boxes left out in the parking lot of our complex if it was not for these wonderful people and I know simple thanks is not enough. Paula and I have always taken the position that our home is open to all who need to come just to chat or crash for a day or two or however long is needed to our friends even if that principle angered some others through our acts of kindness. We continue to maintain that principle.

By May we were making plans for the first trip to New Hope Pa for my long awaited gender confirmation surgery which others call by many other names such as GRS or SRS. However, to me it was GCS because it confirmed my true gender and being and merely altered the anatomy to comport with that true gender and the essence of who I am and always have been. New Hope is cool town and Dr. McGinn is an exceptional caring physician and my life in New Hope for two weeks again saw many challenges and more assault on my body from the GRs as well as another procedure. Even the preparation process beforehand was nothing fun to write home about! I should have invested in pain medication stocks before this year began- that is sure! I survived another long ordeal on the operating table and days in the hospital with an exceptionally caring staff and then shared a hotel with several other women like me who had undergone the ordeal the same week I did. Some great friendships were built which were not there when the year began.

In July it was time for another trip to New Hope. This time I would be the care provided as Paula underwent the GRS as well as another procedure. She had a bit more difficulty than I did in all this process but we still enjoyed our time in New Hope again. We made more friends and Paula received the same excellent care I did from the staff of the hospital. For both of us our life after these surgeries took on new challenges for us in the form of dilations! Both of us had to push our way through the legal and political process of getting new birth certificates and changing the gender markers on driver’s license and all other governmental and agency records.

Throughout this year Paula and I have become increasingly involved and active in our new spiritual home at North church – am open and affirming congregation of loving people that has extended our circle of friends and who are more like family to us. We are both actively involved in many committees and projects and community outreach endeavors. This church was also the place where Paula and I celebrated our love for each other in a same gender union ceremony in October. Paula and I were so happy to hold this service in front of our friends and “extended family”. We always will cherish the memories of this wonderful day!

This year has brought about a change for me in my career as I embark on yet another occupation. Using my experiences and education and training in government, law and business I became an instructor and embarked on teaching a generation of students that are the same age as my children. I love teaching a great deal and have found much joy and many challenges in this endeavor. Paula and I celebrated our second Christmas together and this marked yet another year that has gone by without contact from our family who have refused to even communicate with us by any means of communication currently known to humankind! It is sad and this lack of even trying on their part causes us some pain but we support each other and with the help of our friends we endure and go forward. Each day that goes by brings about the understanding that such communication and exchange may never come and while that is sad- it is something we have learned to deal with in our lives! I do not know what 2010 has in store myself or for us but after what all has gone in 2009, I don’t see how it could be any more of a wild ride then we have seen over the last couple years!

I wish each of you a beautiful and peaceful and wondrous New Year for 2010!

Holiday Cheer and the Christmas Spirit

Those of you that know me pretty well know that my favorite holiday season is Christmas. Always has been and probably always will be. I love the season for many reasons – some very silly reasons and others much more deep and complex. Some of the silly reasons include the fact there is the opportunity to decorate your home and make it much more festive than it usually is during other parts of the year and this year is no different just because Paula and I live in a townhouse apartment. Many people in our church were shocked the other day to find out in a survey our minister did during his sermon that we have four trees up in the “homestead”. Now prey tell were does one put up four trees in an apartment? Well all of them are seven feet and under and the littlest is about a foot tall.

One tree is the main one in our living room and it is red, green and white lights and decorations of ornaments I have collected from everywhere I have travelled around the world. There is a smaller tree in the alcove near our dining area which highlights the Santa’s and elves I have including one wind up Santa which was bought by my grandmother in the 1930’s. Other decorations adorn shelves and tables and some throw pillows for chairs and couches. I put lights in our kitchen window and lighted garland leads the way to the second floor where a small tree appears in our bedroom and another larger one in my office window. That one is done in blue and silver lights and ornaments. Finally, a wreath on the door and small inside door knob decorations finish off the touch along with some candles and a poinsettia. The last touch of course is the hanging of Paula and I’s stockings for the jolly old elf to fill up with goodies!

Another reason I love the season is all the parties and sharing of food, drink and fun with many wonderful friends we are blessed to have in our lives. I love sending and receiving holiday cards and greetings with friends as well. I also love to bake and Christmas means the opportunity to bake delightful treats. I usually bake between 7-9 different kinds of cookies and bars for the holidays. I am even having one of our friends’ daughters come over to help me so I can teach her how to do press cookies. I will admit that all these parties and treats do not do much for one’s waistline but life is short so take a bit of time off and enjoy and stick to diets and exercise the other 11 months of the year. I know the week of Christmas itself Paula and I will be helping prepare the Sunday dinner at the Y family shelter for 150 plus people. We look forward to this and we decided to get some small toy presents for the children there as well. Paula and I decided after some prayerful contemplation to take over the coordinating of this outreach program for 2010. Paula and I also “adopted” Anne and Marie’s children for the Christmas season and we had a blast going out buying them each a present for Christmas and we plan to have them all over with their moms to celebrate together and watch them open their presents. We also plan to take them over to the Columbus Zoo to see the holiday lights display.

That week is also a time off for me and I will relax and watch some holiday movies including Scrooged, A Christmas Story and the mother of all Christmas comedies- Christmas Vacation. I always watch my favorite holiday production- A Christmas Carol performed so admirably by the talents of George C. Scott. Paula and I are going see the production as well at our friend Lyn’s church this weekend. I will cook us a nice holiday dinner that week as well and on Christmas Eve we will go to a friend’s house for a shared meal together for those without blood families to go to on Christmas. I say blood relatives because I have a family here in Columbus but it is not related by blood (those people all rejected me) but one connected by love and friendship. I cherish these people deeply and they are my chosen family! Christmas Eve will also mean a lovely Christmas Eve service at our church and then home for “long winter’s nap” before waking up to celebrate Christmas morning with Paula. Later that day we will gather with more of our extended chosen family for a movie and dinner.

The holidays are a wonderful time also for hope, love and peace which are some mighty wonderful things. It is a time of year when humans are more inclined to “open their hearts to their fellow creatures” and show acts of kindness and love to others who are less fortunate and in need. It is not the fact that we should be doing this everyday of the year but it seems to get done a little better during the holidays. It is a time of year when people laugh a little more and feel more kindness and warmth inside. For one time a year “we become the people we always knew we could be” (again seeing how well people remember these lines from the movies). Peace on earth is a nice saying and I hold out hope that someday this may be a reality for us and not merely a wish but it is going to take a long journey to get there.

Love and hope also have special meaning for meaning I as get ready to spend another holiday season away from my children who I love so dearly. I would consider the best gift (even better than a Red Rider B-B gun) I could receive this or any Christmas is for my children to end their silence and rejection of me and to begin reconciliation with me by picking up the phone and calling me or even just sending me a card or e-mail over the holidays. We have to begin somewhere and what better time to begin then over the holidays and I will always hold out hope that I might someday receive this gift from them. If all I ever have is hope then so be it. I will not live without hope and I will work each day to be a better person and promote more love, peace and hope! That is the message of the holiday season and I will share my Christmas Spirit and good cheer with all and especially our warm, loving friends who have made us part of their family!

So all our friends out there I wish you peace, joy, hope, love and good cheer this holiday season and have your selves the “hap-happiest Christmas since Danny Kay tapped danced White Christmas with Bing Crosby” Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy Hanukah! Happy Kwanza! Best wishes for a great New Year filled with much love and hope and peace!