Families are wonderful things to have unless you are transgendered then they become the sword that carves you up and leaves you to die or face life living in the prison of the shell that covers the real you from the world. Now some transgendered people can live on the part time regimen and that’s fine and dandy if it fits you to do so. Some transgendered people have little family or little family left alive and that makes it pretty easy to live as they wish whether a part timer or someone who wants to pursue full time. The problem lies with those of us that built a life on the shell by marriage and children before we fully came to grips with who we really are as people. Oh my do the complications fly when caught in that dilemma. Most of the transgendered people face the washing of the hands routine performed by their families upon their disclosure that would have made Pontius Pilot jealous. I now face it squarely head on as I attempt to convey it to my immediate family and face the wrath it will bring.
Maybe I would look upon this task with less trepidation if the success stories were more prevalent than a spotting of the Loch Ness Monster! However, they are few and far between. I was chatting with my new friends Terri and Ashley, a wonderful couple I met a while back and spent time with in Chicago. Ashley just got out of the hospital after suffering an impeded kidney stone and infections. I called her to see how she was doing and we somehow got into discussion of families. Although the loss of her spouse after her decision to transition was expected and even appreciated she still grieves over the painful rejection of Ashley by her only daughter and the daughter’s absolute refusal to have any contact with her since then. Yes- while I wholly agree the decision to transition is a painful one for the family of a transgendered person, the refusal to even see or speak to the transgendered person is an unacceptable price to pay for being honest about who one truly is as a person. Terri’s wife has made her life miserable as well I guess primarily on the principle that amicable is a word which escapes her vocabulary. Another new girl here in West Virginia I have yet to meet told me her only teenage daughter will have nothing to do with her whatsoever and won’t even answer her letters and messages. My friend DeeDee struggles as her wife and daughter cast her aside and refuse to even talk with her or acknowledge her existence. Wow don’t we all feel warm and bubbly inside after hearing these decisions to cast off the transgendered person like smelly fish heads into a garbage disposal by people who, while you were living a lie, thought you were the greatest thing since sliced bread and who supposedly love you for all you have given them. Another sister of mine, although it was in the heat of an argument, actually had her wife utter the words “I wish you had cancer instead of being transgendered”. ....Cancer for crying out loud!!!
My dear sweet Paula called me the other day so sad about her situation. Paula is a good hearted sweet girl- full of so much love who raised two young adult children making great sacrifices in doing so. She came out fully to them a few months ago but since then they have recoiled some and the other day her oldest son hurt her deeply in “suggesting “ that she not come around as Paula- the person she really is. No contact with his wife, grandkids –zip nada. She felt very hurt and rightfully so as she struggled to move forward to transition full time as Paula- something she has put off way too long in her life. Her wife adds to the problem with dripping “words of kindness” such as I wish I could subject you to hypnosis so you would regress to being a ‘normal male” again. Feel the love! And just the other night she said that if Paula could undergo a surgery to remove all feminine traits and feelings from her (although the person that survived would not even be the same person she married) but that the procedure had only a 50 percent survival rate, she would still want Paula to undergo it figuring in her mind it was a “win- win situation” for her (the wife). The warmth overflows at that household for sure! Wishing someone to be dead instead of being transgendered.-wow! People…It is not the end of the world simply because one transitions one’s gender to reflect who they really are as a person.
I sense the same impending wrath as exemplified in the situations above, and throughout our community, in my household and I ponder the loss of my family. Transgendered people who are not fortunate enough to be single and childless are faced many times with a brutal choice of either saving their soul or saving their family. A real shitty choice for sure! The solution is love and understanding but those are qualities which seem to be lacking for the most part in today’s family for sure! I think I know why too…it is far easier to hate and reject than it ever is to love and embrace. Love and embracement requires one to open their heart and let someone in there and keep them there even if they bare their soul and tell you who they really are as a person.
Maybe I would look upon this task with less trepidation if the success stories were more prevalent than a spotting of the Loch Ness Monster! However, they are few and far between. I was chatting with my new friends Terri and Ashley, a wonderful couple I met a while back and spent time with in Chicago. Ashley just got out of the hospital after suffering an impeded kidney stone and infections. I called her to see how she was doing and we somehow got into discussion of families. Although the loss of her spouse after her decision to transition was expected and even appreciated she still grieves over the painful rejection of Ashley by her only daughter and the daughter’s absolute refusal to have any contact with her since then. Yes- while I wholly agree the decision to transition is a painful one for the family of a transgendered person, the refusal to even see or speak to the transgendered person is an unacceptable price to pay for being honest about who one truly is as a person. Terri’s wife has made her life miserable as well I guess primarily on the principle that amicable is a word which escapes her vocabulary. Another new girl here in West Virginia I have yet to meet told me her only teenage daughter will have nothing to do with her whatsoever and won’t even answer her letters and messages. My friend DeeDee struggles as her wife and daughter cast her aside and refuse to even talk with her or acknowledge her existence. Wow don’t we all feel warm and bubbly inside after hearing these decisions to cast off the transgendered person like smelly fish heads into a garbage disposal by people who, while you were living a lie, thought you were the greatest thing since sliced bread and who supposedly love you for all you have given them. Another sister of mine, although it was in the heat of an argument, actually had her wife utter the words “I wish you had cancer instead of being transgendered”. ....Cancer for crying out loud!!!
My dear sweet Paula called me the other day so sad about her situation. Paula is a good hearted sweet girl- full of so much love who raised two young adult children making great sacrifices in doing so. She came out fully to them a few months ago but since then they have recoiled some and the other day her oldest son hurt her deeply in “suggesting “ that she not come around as Paula- the person she really is. No contact with his wife, grandkids –zip nada. She felt very hurt and rightfully so as she struggled to move forward to transition full time as Paula- something she has put off way too long in her life. Her wife adds to the problem with dripping “words of kindness” such as I wish I could subject you to hypnosis so you would regress to being a ‘normal male” again. Feel the love! And just the other night she said that if Paula could undergo a surgery to remove all feminine traits and feelings from her (although the person that survived would not even be the same person she married) but that the procedure had only a 50 percent survival rate, she would still want Paula to undergo it figuring in her mind it was a “win- win situation” for her (the wife). The warmth overflows at that household for sure! Wishing someone to be dead instead of being transgendered.-wow! People…It is not the end of the world simply because one transitions one’s gender to reflect who they really are as a person.
I sense the same impending wrath as exemplified in the situations above, and throughout our community, in my household and I ponder the loss of my family. Transgendered people who are not fortunate enough to be single and childless are faced many times with a brutal choice of either saving their soul or saving their family. A real shitty choice for sure! The solution is love and understanding but those are qualities which seem to be lacking for the most part in today’s family for sure! I think I know why too…it is far easier to hate and reject than it ever is to love and embrace. Love and embracement requires one to open their heart and let someone in there and keep them there even if they bare their soul and tell you who they really are as a person.
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