Last week I wrote about the physical changes in my life since my gender conformation surgery and it involved a bit of humorous look at some things but with a very significant conclusion- I am so very happy to have my body and anatomy now reflect my true spirit and my essence and end the conflict which had gone on for much of my life. I welcome the changes openly and with much happiness indeed! However, these are far more serious issues which confront my new life in the female gender which go well beyond my physical changes. The changes worry me a great deal and pose the greatest obstacles to my journey along the path of life as a woman and post op transgendered woman. It is these obstacles and issues that I would like to focus on in this and next week’s blog.
I have faced many in my former life inside the shell who have questioned my decision to come out and let the world know the real me – Melissa Marie Alexander. Some of these people and almost exclusively the males have questioned my decision to live life as the person I truly am instead of continuing to live the lie I perpetrated for so long because they see the move to expose my true gender from the shell as one involving step down the ladder as they and many in society see it. My God why would anyone want to become a woman when they lived the life (even if it was a lie) of a male and a white male at that? Women, as they see it, are second class citizens subservient to men. Let’s face it- women have been seen as second class citizens in this country despite its founding principles because the country was founded by white men. It took another 150 years before woman could even be allowed to cast a vote in this country. Forty-four US Presidents and not a single one of them a woman (and no wonder we still have so many problems here!)
Women face significant challenges in the workplace including many glass ceilings and disparate treatment even when they excel at what they do. I know for example that my old law firm was slow in the hiring of a woman lawyer and the first partner of the female gender in the firm did not occur until the early eighties. When I was recruited to the firm the class of new lawyers was four “men” I put that in quotation only because I was included in that class. Apparently the choice of my slot came down to between me another woman and I was hired instead of her. Because my true identity was hidden deep beneath my shell I was deemed to be accorded the so called “male privilege” that fosters the exclusion or disparate treatment of women in our male dominated society. I recall several instances where the male attorneys in the firm and in the bar at large would refer to female attorneys with statements such as “she is a good female lawyer” instead of she is a good lawyer. We already know her gender so obviously the statement implies that female lawyers are judged by a different standard than of that applied to non female lawyers. Another example was another of my colleagues referring to the fact that “she took the adverse decision like a man” What in the Sam Hell does that mean? Again it simply implies that women are held to different standards than men in our society.
Don’t get me wrong I benefited from the so called “male privilege” despite the fact I did not deserve it but further more why does it exist in the first place? Just because over two hundred years ago white men, based primarily on Biblical influences, which is a document written by men for the benefit and empowerment of men, controlled everything and made the laws does that mean that in the twenty- first century this so called male privilege should continue to exist and women treated as second class citizens? Sure there are differences between men and women however these differences do not relegate women to the second class status many males believe should continue to exist in our society. That is why so many men have trouble with M to F transsexuals. Why (in their mind) would any male want to take the step down the ladder to live life as a female? I am sure that just as I am changing all my legal documents recently to reflect my true gender status as a female I must be getting some papers sent to me somewhere by the “Good ole Boys “ association dismissing me from the group and stripping me of a privilege which has no right to even exist in this society! I recall the jokes that were shared with me by those in this male privilege regarding women which displayed how many men truly felt about the so called softer gender.
I have become a second class citizen in my country by virtue of my transition to live life in my true gender of a woman. Hell, some people can rightfully argue that because I am a transgendered woman as well that I actually fall in the category of third class citizen. That is why many transgendered people and especially transwomen attempt to go stealth after the surgeries so at least they are only discriminated against for being a woman and not a transwomen. I will now face significant and pervasive discrimination that will dramatically impede my ability to find new work. It is tough enough to find work in a difficult economy without being thrown into the jaws of discrimination. Will I be judged on my education, my degrees, my work experiences and skills or even my drive and work ethic when it comes to hiring or promotions? Most likely not if the decision maker is one in the class of the male privilege. In that case, the decision will likely be made on the fact that I either have a vagina or I now have a vagina but did not always have one. Either way- I’m screwed! Another case in point is my current professional group decided they did not want me to serve again on the Board of Directors despite my willingness to do so. Let’s see- this year the incoming President is a male and the chair of the Nominating Committee is a male. I have been told however that there is interest in having me return in 2010-2011 year to the Board. It is interesting to note that the following year the President will be a woman and the chair of the nominating committee will be a woman. Hmmmmm……I don’t think much more be said here on this do you?
I am not going to take discrimination against me – either as a woman or a transgendered woman sitting down that is for sure. I am not going to let a bunch of macho males espousing some claim to “male privilege” stand in my way of achieving my goals in life or from making a living. However this issue is one that concerns me and stands as a great challenge to me and many other transgendered women in our society. I have many so many of my sisters over the years that when I ask them what they do for a living , they tell me what they use to do before they came out and transitioned but sadly their talents are wasted afterward as they are unemployed! It worries me far more any physical change which has occurred as a result of all these procedures over the last several months. Dr. McGinn should have written on my affidavit that Melissa Marie Alexander is fully female …..and therefore must relinquish her entitlement to “male privilege” previously bestowed upon her by virtue of her wonderfully executed façade of pretending to be a male and furthermore subject herself to second class citizenship, discrimination, glass ceilings and misperceptions (and not mention the butt of much male humor)………………….I know that there are some good males out there in society who don’t think in stride with those who exercise their male privilege. Almost all of the gay men I have met in our GBLT community are like this and a few other straight ones as well-but the majority of males in our society cling to this male privilege and reinforce its presence on a daily basis. Maybe someday it will all change and the so called male privilege will end and woman will be treated as true equals in society. Maybe someday a woman might even become President of the United States and get a chance to show that even after over two hundred years of male rule of the country that it takes a woman to come in and clean up the mess which was created by all those other years of leadership by those in the male privilege. Maybe someday transwomen will rise from the status of third class citizens as well in society and that we can be judged on our talents, experiences, training, passions, education and commitment instead of what our bodies use to look like when we were pretending and living life in a shell that afforded us the benefit of a privilege that we did not deserve and which does not even need to exist in our modern society.
I have faced many in my former life inside the shell who have questioned my decision to come out and let the world know the real me – Melissa Marie Alexander. Some of these people and almost exclusively the males have questioned my decision to live life as the person I truly am instead of continuing to live the lie I perpetrated for so long because they see the move to expose my true gender from the shell as one involving step down the ladder as they and many in society see it. My God why would anyone want to become a woman when they lived the life (even if it was a lie) of a male and a white male at that? Women, as they see it, are second class citizens subservient to men. Let’s face it- women have been seen as second class citizens in this country despite its founding principles because the country was founded by white men. It took another 150 years before woman could even be allowed to cast a vote in this country. Forty-four US Presidents and not a single one of them a woman (and no wonder we still have so many problems here!)
Women face significant challenges in the workplace including many glass ceilings and disparate treatment even when they excel at what they do. I know for example that my old law firm was slow in the hiring of a woman lawyer and the first partner of the female gender in the firm did not occur until the early eighties. When I was recruited to the firm the class of new lawyers was four “men” I put that in quotation only because I was included in that class. Apparently the choice of my slot came down to between me another woman and I was hired instead of her. Because my true identity was hidden deep beneath my shell I was deemed to be accorded the so called “male privilege” that fosters the exclusion or disparate treatment of women in our male dominated society. I recall several instances where the male attorneys in the firm and in the bar at large would refer to female attorneys with statements such as “she is a good female lawyer” instead of she is a good lawyer. We already know her gender so obviously the statement implies that female lawyers are judged by a different standard than of that applied to non female lawyers. Another example was another of my colleagues referring to the fact that “she took the adverse decision like a man” What in the Sam Hell does that mean? Again it simply implies that women are held to different standards than men in our society.
Don’t get me wrong I benefited from the so called “male privilege” despite the fact I did not deserve it but further more why does it exist in the first place? Just because over two hundred years ago white men, based primarily on Biblical influences, which is a document written by men for the benefit and empowerment of men, controlled everything and made the laws does that mean that in the twenty- first century this so called male privilege should continue to exist and women treated as second class citizens? Sure there are differences between men and women however these differences do not relegate women to the second class status many males believe should continue to exist in our society. That is why so many men have trouble with M to F transsexuals. Why (in their mind) would any male want to take the step down the ladder to live life as a female? I am sure that just as I am changing all my legal documents recently to reflect my true gender status as a female I must be getting some papers sent to me somewhere by the “Good ole Boys “ association dismissing me from the group and stripping me of a privilege which has no right to even exist in this society! I recall the jokes that were shared with me by those in this male privilege regarding women which displayed how many men truly felt about the so called softer gender.
I have become a second class citizen in my country by virtue of my transition to live life in my true gender of a woman. Hell, some people can rightfully argue that because I am a transgendered woman as well that I actually fall in the category of third class citizen. That is why many transgendered people and especially transwomen attempt to go stealth after the surgeries so at least they are only discriminated against for being a woman and not a transwomen. I will now face significant and pervasive discrimination that will dramatically impede my ability to find new work. It is tough enough to find work in a difficult economy without being thrown into the jaws of discrimination. Will I be judged on my education, my degrees, my work experiences and skills or even my drive and work ethic when it comes to hiring or promotions? Most likely not if the decision maker is one in the class of the male privilege. In that case, the decision will likely be made on the fact that I either have a vagina or I now have a vagina but did not always have one. Either way- I’m screwed! Another case in point is my current professional group decided they did not want me to serve again on the Board of Directors despite my willingness to do so. Let’s see- this year the incoming President is a male and the chair of the Nominating Committee is a male. I have been told however that there is interest in having me return in 2010-2011 year to the Board. It is interesting to note that the following year the President will be a woman and the chair of the nominating committee will be a woman. Hmmmmm……I don’t think much more be said here on this do you?
I am not going to take discrimination against me – either as a woman or a transgendered woman sitting down that is for sure. I am not going to let a bunch of macho males espousing some claim to “male privilege” stand in my way of achieving my goals in life or from making a living. However this issue is one that concerns me and stands as a great challenge to me and many other transgendered women in our society. I have many so many of my sisters over the years that when I ask them what they do for a living , they tell me what they use to do before they came out and transitioned but sadly their talents are wasted afterward as they are unemployed! It worries me far more any physical change which has occurred as a result of all these procedures over the last several months. Dr. McGinn should have written on my affidavit that Melissa Marie Alexander is fully female …..and therefore must relinquish her entitlement to “male privilege” previously bestowed upon her by virtue of her wonderfully executed façade of pretending to be a male and furthermore subject herself to second class citizenship, discrimination, glass ceilings and misperceptions (and not mention the butt of much male humor)………………….I know that there are some good males out there in society who don’t think in stride with those who exercise their male privilege. Almost all of the gay men I have met in our GBLT community are like this and a few other straight ones as well-but the majority of males in our society cling to this male privilege and reinforce its presence on a daily basis. Maybe someday it will all change and the so called male privilege will end and woman will be treated as true equals in society. Maybe someday a woman might even become President of the United States and get a chance to show that even after over two hundred years of male rule of the country that it takes a woman to come in and clean up the mess which was created by all those other years of leadership by those in the male privilege. Maybe someday transwomen will rise from the status of third class citizens as well in society and that we can be judged on our talents, experiences, training, passions, education and commitment instead of what our bodies use to look like when we were pretending and living life in a shell that afforded us the benefit of a privilege that we did not deserve and which does not even need to exist in our modern society.
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