Waste!

Waste is defined as rubbish, trash, garbage, refuse, junk or other discarded materials by society. Waste is a subjective concept because items that some people discard may have value to others. Human waste is defined as most people as feces which is a nice term for shit. Waste in my scheme of things is the failure of society, through its organizations and entities, to hire or retain transgendered individuals who are out and transitioning or have transitioned merely because of misconceptions and biases which plagued our society. Far too many of my brothers and sisters in the transgendered community, myself included, are treated accordingly by society resulting in one of the highest rates of unemployment or underemployment anywhere in this country. The economy is already in the crapper and unemployment is rampant and when combined with the pervasive and insidious discrimination and prejudices against the transgendered community leaves so many of my brothers and sisters out of work and holding on by threads which get thinner by the day sometimes.

Now I do not mean to contend that my sisters and brothers in the L, G or B communities do not face discrimination in the workplace because they do. However, I think it is also true that many times the L, G or B can be concealed from current or perspective employers who care less and less about what you do after work and who you sleep with each night than they do about things which affect their workplace directly such as a transition of a transgendered person or how hiring transgendered person could be in their mind disruptive to their workforce and that is a major concern of organizations. Let’s face it you can come out as gay or lesbian and not really have to tell your coworkers if you don’t want to and keep the matter private which is your right. Try keeping the fact you are transgendered and transitioning a secret from your employer or its employees. When one is gay or lesbian their physical anatomy and appearance do not change much if at all. However, when one comes out on the workforce as transgendered and goes from being Kathy to being Karl or from being Tom to being Tina it is just a wee bit hard to hide that folks! The employer knows it is looking at time off for surgeries and treatment and headache of questions from other employees – not the least of these is the dreaded “where is so and so going to go to bathroom?”

Additionally, just because one is fully transitioned with all the surgeries and legalities does not make it easier when one is looking for work. I am searching for a new career and have been going to job fairs, applying for positions, sending out resumes and cover letters and filling out job profiles and applications on line. Two of the applications and online profiles ask “whether I have ever gone by another name or had a name change” Hmmmm…let's see….think they may notice that the old name was a male one and vastly different from my true name Melissa? Gees…a six year old can pick that one out- much less a HR person. I am not even to the interview process and here I am outing myself. It’s not the fact I am ashamed of who I am as a person but I know there are many out there who think I should be and I have already laid in their lap a reason not to hire me from the mere profile alone. That my friend is also a bunch of feces!

I meet so many talented transgendered people in my interactions with others through conferences and lobbying efforts or group meetings and the stories I hear are the same. Most of the people I meet are either working part time jobs that do not come near their qualifications. Others work as self- employed individuals struggling to keep their small businesses afloat and many are simply unemployed. It is estimated that unemployment in the “out” transgendered community is running somewhere around 50-60% and even higher. I have met so many out of work but talented computer techs, chefs, teachers, designers, and other professionals I cannot even count them! Many transgendered people I know lost their jobs when they came out and told people who they really were as people. My friend Teri was told that if she transitioned she would be terminated. Another person I know was offered a raise and new position until he came out and transitioned and in six months he went from being highly regarded for promotion as woman but when he transitioned to a man he ended up fired. My friend Debbie was terminated from her franchise dealership for selling log homes when she transitioned because the company felt I guess a transgendered woman could not sell them. Again since transgendered people when they come out and transition cannot hide the fact they are transgendered the ramifications in employment losses and difficulty in finding new work become an all too common scenario. This is such a waste of such talented people all for the reason that society cannot deal with the changing of outward genders even if it is to match the inner one that has been there all the life.

I have heard that the younger members of the transgendered community are a bit tired of all the “drama” of the older transgendered people. Well if I had come out as a teenager and my parents got me on hormones before I left for college and I had studied and earned my degrees in my true gender I would not be as worried about finding work. Transitioning before your mid twenties pretty much ensures you have not built much of a life as the person in the wrong gender. Your college and employment records would only reflect the true identity. Older transgendered people do not have that luxury. We built a life in the wrong gender. Our employment history is riddled with the old life. When potential employers start researching my background they will find another entity besides Melissa Alexander. I know my old law firm will do so because the person who is in charge of such information is a very macho, man’s man ex- military type guy. The number of “he’s” coming forth could not be counted on two hands. God knows what the transcripts from college will look like even though I have notified them and received new degrees from them with my proper name on them. I cannot escape that old life! Again I am not ashamed of w\ho I am- it’s just I am tired of having thrown up against me as I now live the life I was suppose to live all my life. My life is now and in the future but unfortunately it is my past that stands in the way. If one does not have much past because they are very young then they have little which can be used against them in the future.

What bothers me the most in all this is so much wasting of talent that many of my brothers and sisters can offer society if those in the transgendered community are given a chance without the jagged past thrown up in their faces. If employers will look beyond that history and consider that talent when it comes time to hire, promote and not terminate that employment because of the disclosure of the truth as to one’s identity, then the waste of human resources can begin to end and more healing can take place in the transgendered community and maybe a little less drama in this community as well. So many of us have already paid the price when it comes to loss of friends and family and resources which has hurt us emotionally we should be able to keep some dignity in maintaining work, finding new work for our talents and more enjoyment of the new life in the right gender. I know that the passage of the ENDA legislation and enactment of HB 176 in Ohio would go a long way in making this happen. Furthermore, repeal of the intrusive federal acts that violate everyone’s civil liberties and out our past lives would also help in this regard. Some day we may not talk about this absurdly high unemployment rate in our community and we can maybe even talk about the great things transgendered people are doing in society when the waste of talent has ended. Until then, the loss of such talent in society by members our community can only be simply classified as a waste and the pervasive discrimination faced in the same as “human waste!”

Second and Third Class Citizenship and the "Male Privilege"

Last week I wrote about the physical changes in my life since my gender conformation surgery and it involved a bit of humorous look at some things but with a very significant conclusion- I am so very happy to have my body and anatomy now reflect my true spirit and my essence and end the conflict which had gone on for much of my life. I welcome the changes openly and with much happiness indeed! However, these are far more serious issues which confront my new life in the female gender which go well beyond my physical changes. The changes worry me a great deal and pose the greatest obstacles to my journey along the path of life as a woman and post op transgendered woman. It is these obstacles and issues that I would like to focus on in this and next week’s blog.
I have faced many in my former life inside the shell who have questioned my decision to come out and let the world know the real me – Melissa Marie Alexander. Some of these people and almost exclusively the males have questioned my decision to live life as the person I truly am instead of continuing to live the lie I perpetrated for so long because they see the move to expose my true gender from the shell as one involving step down the ladder as they and many in society see it. My God why would anyone want to become a woman when they lived the life (even if it was a lie) of a male and a white male at that? Women, as they see it, are second class citizens subservient to men. Let’s face it- women have been seen as second class citizens in this country despite its founding principles because the country was founded by white men. It took another 150 years before woman could even be allowed to cast a vote in this country. Forty-four US Presidents and not a single one of them a woman (and no wonder we still have so many problems here!)
Women face significant challenges in the workplace including many glass ceilings and disparate treatment even when they excel at what they do. I know for example that my old law firm was slow in the hiring of a woman lawyer and the first partner of the female gender in the firm did not occur until the early eighties. When I was recruited to the firm the class of new lawyers was four “men” I put that in quotation only because I was included in that class. Apparently the choice of my slot came down to between me another woman and I was hired instead of her. Because my true identity was hidden deep beneath my shell I was deemed to be accorded the so called “male privilege” that fosters the exclusion or disparate treatment of women in our male dominated society. I recall several instances where the male attorneys in the firm and in the bar at large would refer to female attorneys with statements such as “she is a good female lawyer” instead of she is a good lawyer. We already know her gender so obviously the statement implies that female lawyers are judged by a different standard than of that applied to non female lawyers. Another example was another of my colleagues referring to the fact that “she took the adverse decision like a man” What in the Sam Hell does that mean? Again it simply implies that women are held to different standards than men in our society.
Don’t get me wrong I benefited from the so called “male privilege” despite the fact I did not deserve it but further more why does it exist in the first place? Just because over two hundred years ago white men, based primarily on Biblical influences, which is a document written by men for the benefit and empowerment of men, controlled everything and made the laws does that mean that in the twenty- first century this so called male privilege should continue to exist and women treated as second class citizens? Sure there are differences between men and women however these differences do not relegate women to the second class status many males believe should continue to exist in our society. That is why so many men have trouble with M to F transsexuals. Why (in their mind) would any male want to take the step down the ladder to live life as a female? I am sure that just as I am changing all my legal documents recently to reflect my true gender status as a female I must be getting some papers sent to me somewhere by the “Good ole Boys “ association dismissing me from the group and stripping me of a privilege which has no right to even exist in this society! I recall the jokes that were shared with me by those in this male privilege regarding women which displayed how many men truly felt about the so called softer gender.
I have become a second class citizen in my country by virtue of my transition to live life in my true gender of a woman. Hell, some people can rightfully argue that because I am a transgendered woman as well that I actually fall in the category of third class citizen. That is why many transgendered people and especially transwomen attempt to go stealth after the surgeries so at least they are only discriminated against for being a woman and not a transwomen. I will now face significant and pervasive discrimination that will dramatically impede my ability to find new work. It is tough enough to find work in a difficult economy without being thrown into the jaws of discrimination. Will I be judged on my education, my degrees, my work experiences and skills or even my drive and work ethic when it comes to hiring or promotions? Most likely not if the decision maker is one in the class of the male privilege. In that case, the decision will likely be made on the fact that I either have a vagina or I now have a vagina but did not always have one. Either way- I’m screwed! Another case in point is my current professional group decided they did not want me to serve again on the Board of Directors despite my willingness to do so. Let’s see- this year the incoming President is a male and the chair of the Nominating Committee is a male. I have been told however that there is interest in having me return in 2010-2011 year to the Board. It is interesting to note that the following year the President will be a woman and the chair of the nominating committee will be a woman. Hmmmmm……I don’t think much more be said here on this do you?
I am not going to take discrimination against me – either as a woman or a transgendered woman sitting down that is for sure. I am not going to let a bunch of macho males espousing some claim to “male privilege” stand in my way of achieving my goals in life or from making a living. However this issue is one that concerns me and stands as a great challenge to me and many other transgendered women in our society. I have many so many of my sisters over the years that when I ask them what they do for a living , they tell me what they use to do before they came out and transitioned but sadly their talents are wasted afterward as they are unemployed! It worries me far more any physical change which has occurred as a result of all these procedures over the last several months. Dr. McGinn should have written on my affidavit that Melissa Marie Alexander is fully female …..and therefore must relinquish her entitlement to “male privilege” previously bestowed upon her by virtue of her wonderfully executed façade of pretending to be a male and furthermore subject herself to second class citizenship, discrimination, glass ceilings and misperceptions (and not mention the butt of much male humor)………………….I know that there are some good males out there in society who don’t think in stride with those who exercise their male privilege. Almost all of the gay men I have met in our GBLT community are like this and a few other straight ones as well-but the majority of males in our society cling to this male privilege and reinforce its presence on a daily basis. Maybe someday it will all change and the so called male privilege will end and woman will be treated as true equals in society. Maybe someday a woman might even become President of the United States and get a chance to show that even after over two hundred years of male rule of the country that it takes a woman to come in and clean up the mess which was created by all those other years of leadership by those in the male privilege. Maybe someday transwomen will rise from the status of third class citizens as well in society and that we can be judged on our talents, experiences, training, passions, education and commitment instead of what our bodies use to look like when we were pretending and living life in a shell that afforded us the benefit of a privilege that we did not deserve and which does not even need to exist in our modern society.

Courage and Dignity against theTransgendered Blues

Well my world got rocked this week and the wounds really dug in deep because my smug little you –know –what thought it would not happen to me in my profession. I faced and lost a battle with transgendered discrimination and the loss of revenue associated with it hurt-but what hurt even more was the indignity in the manner it was presented so underhandedly and that I did not see it coming. Several years ago when I started into my new profession I began doing some independent contract work for various companies in which you can go onto their job boards to find work in your geographic areas. I did so as a means to get more experience and bring in some income. One of the groups assigned me to a project in which the main planner had screwed up immensely and I commented on the same but offense was taken to my comments to the logistics. A week or two latter the organization that had contracted with me contacted me and said client did not want me working on her projects anymore. The organization said it was no big deal and that she was a difficult client and there were plenty of other clients to work for and I later found out the client subsequently fired the organization I contracted with because the client had troubles working with its staff.
This incident occurred three and half years ago and nothing more was ever said about this matter. In fact, I was told not to worry about it as they knew the client was touchy and difficult to work with on projects. I continued to do work for the organization without any further complaints or problems on a regular basis during remainder of 2005, all of 2006 and 2007 and first half of 2008. Of course, I was working at that time as my male persona hiding the real me beneath the shell. After I came out fully, I informed the organization and others that I was transgendered and was in transition and would be working as Melissa –who I really was and I sent them documentation of name change and other information. I did the same for other contract organizations as well as clients. One client chose to end any relationship and another had to cut back because of economy even before I told them. However, the three other organizations initially said they had no problem with it and changed the information. The one who I had experienced the minor incident with in 2005 assigned me work last fall which I did for their client without incident as had been practice for years and all paperwork was completed and filed in timely manner and as usual I was dressed professionally- albeit as Melissa and pleasant and helpful throughout the functions. No complaints were noted but evidently some of the male reps of client I did the work for figured out who I use to be and expressed some “discomfort” with me doing their projects. The organization did not tell me this but decided to handle it another way. A few weeks after the projects I was no longer finding any jobs posted on their board. I knew the economy was not great so I gave it sometime but after a couple months I wrote to the organization and inquired about this weird phenomenon. Two days later, in February of 2009, I received a letter which had been sent overnight to me stating my contract with them had been terminated because of the incident which happened in 2005. Now I am no rocket scientist for sure but I am also not stupid and know that something that was not important for three years does not suddenly become important three and half years later only after I announce my transition and do work for them as Melissa. The indignity is that they should have told me the truth and not played the silly game of first altering their website so I could not see positions available and then sending me a letter indicating termination based upon that something no one thought was that big a deal back in 2005! Terminate me for being transgendered for God’s sake- it’s not like we have any protections in this country beyond a few state and local laws. They accomplished their goal…get rid of the “freak” who makes some of their people “uncomfortable” but they did it without being upfront and honest about it.
I may have not been so taken back by their egregious actions which cost me income if I did not begin to sense some others acting in same way. I received a job assignment from another organization last week on one day and then in 24 hours suddenly the work assignment was no longer needed by the client. Then my professional organization chapter which I have served on the Board of Directors for two years acts very strangely and was sort of surprised I wanted to remain on the Board next year because they thought I needed time away from the Board to deal with my transition and surgeries which have not interfered at all with my duties and responsibilities. What really bothers me the most is I thought my profession, being nearly 90 % women, would be an easier one to transition in than most. I was wrong indeed! I was a bit smug thinking I was above the fray of the common industrial workplace and office settings and dealing with so many educated professionals as a professional -but I forgot that the organizations are still run by men and in reality discrimination against those of us in the transgendered community is so prevalent that many so called “open minded” people just can’t deal with a concept that many see as so radical such as changing one’s physical anatomy to fit one’s inner soul and essence and men in particular – in fear and sometimes in questioning of their own masculinity issues, cannot see why another “man” would “chose” to not be masculine and actually want to step down the ladder as they see it and live and work as a woman who earns less than a man. All of this comes on the heels of my desperate attempt to find health insurance after facing three rejections because I was transgendered. I finally found one on the fourth try but they refuse to cover anything and now seem content on tearing apart my medical history for last three years because I asked them to pay for a routine doctor’s office visit. Additionally, they also proffer the indignity of addressing all my correspondence to me as “Mr.” How indignant and rude and insulting is this?
The enactment of the ENDA legislation would help the situation immensely but I fear that somehow –someway, the transgendered community will find itself excluded from the bill in the end and left alone to defend itself with only few people to continue the struggle for dignity, rights and respect that all human beings are entitled to in this country as many in community run and scatter and stay hidden in their shells in fear and others trying desperately to life in cloak that is not truly possible and pretending like they have always been known as a woman without any other life before the transition. I don’t blame them considering that nearly 70% of the fulltime transitional transgendered community is unemployed. Some of my friends out there may say I chose this life and that I and others like me knew we were going to face consistent discrimination and that we should have stayed hidden in our shells and appeared only part time in the comfort of functions with other transgendered people. I gave up the comforts of living the life of a male with a family and a job and welcomed in society to be who I truly am but someone that most people don’t want to have to deal with. In other words, for me – keep pretending I am someone else I am not –living a life as a lie and working in the male-dominated society as a male. First of all, I did not “choose” this life any more than I chose being transgendered. I decided I would rather live life as I truly was instead of frustrated in a shell and pretending I was someone I was not to make others happy while I suffered great pain and anguish. If I somehow lose it all and have no income to live on whatsoever in my life after I transition fully, I will never go back to the lies and live my life in any shell pretending I am someone I am not- ever! Frankly, I would rather die living on the street as Melissa than ever go back to living the lie inside the shell just to make everyone else happy including those who run our society and many of its organizations or even my family who has tossed me away like some unwanted piece of garbage!
I have my dignity…I have my soul…I have someone who loves me for who I am in Paula and I have my friends, sisters and brothers in the community and the LGBT community at large and a few that found the courage to accept me for who I am from my old life inside the shell. I would not trade that for any job at any salary if I had to live my live as a lie and pretend I am someone I am not just to make others in society happy and “comfortable”. I decided I will either make it as Melissa who I really am with Paula by my side or I will go down swinging as Melissa living my life with dignity as my true essence and face whatever discrimination, hatred and prejudice await me in whatever life I have left! Courage and dignity requires nothing more or nothing less and courage and dignity may not pay the bills but they clearly free the soul!