It is something that a few years ago I would never have convinced myself that I would be doing for something that I am personally involved in that is for sure. I have training and education in meeting and event planning which did include wedding planning but in my previous experience of running my meeting and event planning company I can honestly say I did not have any clients requesting wedding planning services and my areas of work focused on conventions and conferences, exhibitions, meetings and business development functions. It’s not that I would not have enjoyed doing wedding planning it’s just that I was never asked to do so and probably for some very stereotypical reasons which really weren’t applicable anyway!
However, ever since Paula and I decided that we would do a commitment ceremony/ union to consummate our love publicly among our wonderful friends I have been engaged full throttle in the wedding planning process. Although we cannot by current law in the state of Ohio which has a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage legally marry each other and receive the same legal benefits as any other wedded couple, we felt that the ceremony is something we wanted to do for ourselves because of our love and commitment to each other and part of building our lives together as Paula and Melissa. I know that we treat it like a marriage and while we struggle in many ways that legally married couples do and we face many of the challenges of the same, we also face a few more being in a same gender relationship and then again having undergone a physical and legal changes in the latter to bring it in line with the essence of who we always were on the inside of us! There are many who questioned why we even bother doing this since it is not legal but we always figured that if it ever became legal here we could do a simple “legal” ceremony to afford ourselves the legal benefits of marriage but for us the marriage and commitment and union of two people, among those who love us and accept us for who we are as people, is an act which exceeds the legalities of the process and tells the community a simple concept…if you find someone who loves and accepts you for who you are as a person and who you want to share life with together you should do so despite the vessel that person is contained in or even if that vessel changes to reflect the soul of who you truly as a person. So with that said, the wedding planning commenced and it has truly been an eye opener for us that is for sure. The first thing we had to decide is where to do it and who would be in it. The “where” was easy in that our church is founded upon love and acceptance and is very open and affirming. Our minister embraced this proposal with open heart and mind and he was very excited about it. The persons to be in this wedding were a bit more difficult to decide since we have so many wonderful loving friends who love us and who we care about. We also wanted it to reflect the diversity of this union ceremony as well. We feel we accomplished that and are so happy that our friends can be there to celebrate our special day with us!
Once we had the date and church following meetings with our minister and the wedding party in place, the fun got started. First we had to decide on a location for the reception and that came fairly easy with the selection of a venue across the street from our church that had the date available. One truly can spend a small fortune, which neither of us has, on putting together a wedding reception. We tried to provide a nice atmosphere and some good food so people could enjoy themselves and have some fun celebrating with us. Unfortunately an open bar would have been nice but to pull that off the food and music would have to be cancelled or Paula and I would have to rob a bank to pull that one off. I sought DJs to provide the music for the evening and upon selecting one you receive forms to complete for announcing the wedding party and special songs you want played at certain times. We have been compiling the list of music but the first thing I had to correct on the form was the fact we have no groom but two brides. White out I found works well in this case.
Paula and I spent a few days searching for dresses for our attendants to wear and we needed to find a store that had branches all over the region since we have girls from four different states. The Color is a stunning beautiful Verizon blue. Some of the girls doodled a bit in getting their gowns ordered and we may be do some alterations on them as they walk down the aisle but it will all work out. Next came the fun for Paula and I in the search for our wedding dresses. The elderly lady with the glasses at the counter of the bridal boutique got a bit of a shock when I stepped to the counter to register and she asked for the name of the groom to which I replied “there isn’t one” and just then my partner Paula stepped up to the counter and I stated “and this is the other bride”. The look on her face was truly priceless! The little gal who took care of showing and fitting us in gowns was a bit flustered but a very good sport as well. Her primary concern was that she had never taken care of two ladies at the same time for bridal fittings. Paula and I loved every minute of it and each of us selected our separate gowns- each different in style, material type and design but both white of course! (Ahem….No questions needed). We are bringing our entourage with us for the final fittings which should make the elderly lady at the counter loose her glasses for sure.
I have found two professions in this process which I should have explored for sure which have to be making some small fortunes. The first is florists and the other is wedding cake designers. I had no idea what these skilled artisans can charge for their services but we almost had to cancel the food and hire an organ grinder for the music at the reception to compensate these entities. The cake is gorgeous and colorful and I actually had fun designing it with baker. I truly did not know that twenty something flavors could be available to someone creating cake. The list of fillings was even longer! The flowers cost even more although we do have two bridal bouquets and our selection of two flower girls and a ring bearer from the Warren-Bednar clan added a few more but the flowers we selected are so beautiful and we incorporated the color scheme of all the gowns and our favor colors of pink and purple!
Other “minute” details included the invitations’ and the writing of our ceremony in its entirety along with music to be performed by wonderfully talented organist and horn player. Several of our truly talented friends with voices of angels have agreed to perform special pieces during the service. Paula and I are indeed so happy that are offering us their special gifts. We even broke down and “registered” as many other couples approaching such an event do although I am still amazed the computer did not implode with the insertion of two brides and no groom into the system. It probably would have if it had found out the two brides once could have registered the other way in another part of their life although just by outward appearance. The real fun of the planning has been the selection and booking of our honeymoon following our wonderful ceremony and a reception of fun, friends and food and drink! Paula and I have enjoyed putting this all together although sometimes we question our sanity in doing so. However, I am sure on our special day it will all be worth it in the joy on our faces and in the hearts of our friends who love us for being who we are and supporting our love for each other!
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