The Windy City

The windy city with my girl Paula amongst a sea of my sisters – that is the setting which awaits me starting this week as hundreds of transgendered people invade Chicago for the 26th annual Be-all Conference. I am anxious to get there of course but there are many reasons as to why this is so. First of all, Chicago is very cool city with much to see and do and being a girl who is active and out extensively, I do not sit in the hotel when I go on these trips but I always immerse myself in the city, site seeing, museums, shopping, dining, clubbing, and any other thing I can find which interests me! Are the Cubs in town?

Secondly, I feel at home among the plethora of sisters which come to this event and others I have attended. For some of these girls, events like the Be-all, Erie Gala or even SCC provides them with their only opportunity to get out as themselves, for others they provide them with opportunities to get out a bit further and do things as themselves besides running to alternative clubs under the cloak of darkness. Paula and I are of course well past all that but these events do always make me feel I have found home sort of like Rudolph did on the Island of Misfit Toys. While I have been out all over this country and done much as I am express Melissa including work, site seeing, shopping, traveling, theatre and movies and all sorts of things, and I am quite comfortable in the public, no matter how much the public may accept me or tolerate me or even embrace me, they do not understand me like my sisters do. If 500 people come to the Be-all, then I know when I walk in the hotel at least 450 people there understand me and who we are because they are like me. They are my sisters and we have a common bond that most others in society cannot understand. I embrace that bond and I feel the welcome, warmth and understanding that stems from our sisters in the Tg community and I extend that warmth myself. I am part of that circle and I always will be even if I fully immerse myself into fulltime public living as Melissa. A sister will always get a hug from me and, as I said, I like to walk into a place where I know most of the people are like me and understand me although we are all unique people from all walks of life and on various points of the transgender spectrum.

The third reason I like going to the events like the Be-all is I get to see many girlfriends who I only get to see in person once or twice a year because they are from other parts of our vast and diverse country. It is always good to see these people, hug them and catch up on what’s going on in their lives and update them on what is going on in mine and we can all share a few laughs, a cool and tasty beverage and have some fun together. What could be better I ask you? The Be-all also gives me the opportunity to attend a few specifically targeted workshops or seminars I am interested in including one I truly love on creative writing where I have the opportunity to share my thoughts and writings with my sisters. Last year, I also attended sessions on hormones and electrolysis – both of which I am involved with since the New Year began. I plan to attend this year some personal growth sessions as well as a preliminary look at the surgeries that may be involved in my transition in the future. Growth comes from listening and sharing with others.

The fourth reason I like events like the Be-all, SCC and the Erie Gala is that I always meet new sisters and get to know them and chat and exchange thoughts and ideas together. I like meeting new people and getting acquainted with them and I so enjoy meeting new sisters. I met so many new sisters last year at these events and many I have grown close to and shared much with over the past year and I am thankful I had the opportunity to do so. I look forward to meeting many more next week and hopefully making some new friends as well. Let’s face it; can we ever really have enough friends?

The final reason I am looking forward to this year’s Be-all is my love Paula is coming to the event with me this year and we plan to meet and share a ride part of the way into Chicago. It will be the longest period of time her and I have spent together since we commenced our relationship. I have so enjoyed the times we have spent together but they have only been a day here or there or at most a weekend or two but a full week together will be a good barometer for us in our relationship and may give us a bit of the taste of what it would be like if we lived together someday. Hopefully she won’t get sick and tired of me but knowing her, I seriously doubt it. I expect we will both enjoy the experience and have so much fun sharing and meeting others and doing things together in the windy city! Like I said at the start, the windy city with a mass of my sisters in one gathering and making new friends and enjoying time together with Paula all make me feel very good about the week to come. Deep dish Chicago style pizza and chop houses here we come and lets hope the wind is not too strong as we wheel around the city as it can do a lot to mess up a girl’s hair you know ………….

****Addendum: Since I wrote this draft of the blog my love Paula got some news which affected her ability to come to this event. She said she would not go back to work the week of Be-all except for only her old company and they called her back on Friday to start the Tuesday after the holiday weekend so her plans to come and be with me and all are sisters ended. I am disappointed but also am sad because she will miss out on these wonderful things and I know she was looking so forward to coming but work and finances still are important in our society and the reality is many of our plans are disrupted from time to time. We must deal with them and go on. It is just a fact of life which with the death of one of community members recently -Mishy only proves my point that life is not always fair but it is always way too short!

Be-all I can be and getting it back in the Shell (Spring 2007)

Just got back from the Be-All Convention (Be-All you can be? Hmmm…...can't place it right now but I think some military group had this same "theme" a few years back) in Chicago where I lived five wonderful days and nights as Melissa. I had a great fun roomie in my WV girlfriend Joanne Carter and had a ball meeting some many wonderful new people and renewing some old acquaintances in the sisterhood. First, let me say it was a well planned and executed event with lots of fun things like the pool party, dinners with great food, awesome suites, well placed vendors and time for everyone to take in shopping and seminars as well as fun hitting the clubs and dancing at night! The fun started Tuesday on arrival and the unloading of all my wardrobe which was quickly criticized by roomie Joanne -but she was impressed by the fifteen pairs of shoes I brought which did not even make a dent in collection). We went to the hospitality suite for food and drinks and mingled and I quickly engaged in doing my favorite activity (get your minds out of the gutter people) which is meeting new sisters and chatting with them. Interaction with old friends and making new ones in our sisterhood is something I cherish deeply!
Wednesday was the trip to the casino where I actually came out ahead which is always a good thing I say (although not as good as two girls who went with us - one won over 2000 dollars in craps ) Wednesday was also the pool party where I arrived for the first time in bathing suit as Melissa ( a scary proposition to say the least) The food was good and afterward we headed out to some clubs where my roomie Joanne made her first mistake of the trip by forgetting her ID even though we are older than dirt ! Thursday brought some seminars and my first real viewing of the vendors. I enjoy some of the sessions and I took a big chance and went to the one called "voices” which had nothing to do about our voice pitch but about our written expressions as transgendered people. I read one of my earlier blogs ( The Cocoon) and one I wrote in class as well. Powerful stuff and not by me but by many other vastly talented people who just happen to be transgendered. It opened my soul to hear such expressions! Thursday we went out to dinner after changing our minds ( like girls do ) about five times as to where we were going to dine. Thursday night was the open bar and food party at a cool club where we heard a rocking band called "Barely Standing" who played lots of 70's , 80's and 90 's rock music. My roomie Joanne made her second blunder of the event by consuming incredible mass quantities of alcohol which forced her to visit the ladies room so she can now say she tossed her cookies and then some in a ladies room of a general club. She was taken back to the hotel room for further nursing and expunging. She looked like hell the next morning and all the makeup in the world is not going to fix that my friends!
Friday was some more shopping and seminars and more opportunities to meet and chat with more of my sisters. I adored the session on "outrageous eyes" and also checked out electrolysis. It is something I would love to try but it is not cheap for sure and even the new techniques seem a bit “painful". But at least I have more information to make informed decisions. Friday we also had a luncheon with a fashion show and dinner with the talent show and girls we have some talented sisters for sure! Our feminine side is a great source for creative talent most definitely. Finally, on Friday we went to the club called Hunters where I danced and had fun and watched Joanne nurse cokes and water all night ( hmmm- I wonder why hon.?) Saturday I had more opportunities to meet more girls and I took some outdoor pictures of a girl named Jennifer who just had a makeover and I enjoyed so much chatting with her as well (just wish I had Glenda's talent for photo shoot but they still came out pretty well ) Saturday luncheon was awesome as we heard from Susan Stanton the transgendered person who was lynched by her townspeople and her council after 17 years of splendid work because God forbid she announced she was transitioning after being outed ( well I guess we all know woman can't be city directors as this position must be filled by only men I guess ) I will say this - for a person who has undergone all that she has she still has a wonderful sense of humor and did a great impersonation of the Baptist minister who was on council and made the wonderfully compassionate "Christian " statements and who has obviously studied Jesus ' HR policies in his study of theology!
On Saturday evening we rounded out the event with a fabulous evening of a limo ride after dressing in our formal gowns and dresses where we received the red carpet treatment and photos and a wonderfully delicious meal with a fifteen minute firework production over the lake! I dreaded Saturday night though because I know what it brings - Sunday morning and the packing up of Melissa -but just like the fact that all my new things added from shopping now produced bags that just did not hold it all like they did when I came five days earlier, my shell did not fit so well on Melissa either. My emersion into Melissa for extended periods of time and interactions with my sisters in seminars, over coffee, in the lounge or over dinners always expands me and pushes me forward in my journey as Melissa and I no longer fit as well in the shell that covers her from the most of the world who produce people like the above mentioned minister on council. You know when you try to recover something you opened, it just never seems to fit as well as it did before you opened and unpacked it. That is how I view Melissa after these experiences and just like when you don't quite cover something after you have opened it and parts of it now out stick out and show , more of Melissa is revealed by my shell and I wonder whether one day the shell will fit at all and I will be standing there as Melissa for all the world to see. I know this day may come - I have known it since I began this journey and I only hope that when it does I have the courage of Ms Stanton and many others like her and friends who will support me in place of the shell which once trapped me