2009-a wild ride that got wilder!

As we come close to closing out yet another year I always take stock in what has happened in my life as we near the dawning of yet another year. 2009 will definitely go down in my memory as the most challenging and exciting years of my life. When I closed out last year I talked about the wild ride for 2008 that brought about many changes and I discussed what was to come in 2009 but that foretelling was only the tip of the iceberg in my life journey. There will probably never be another year like this one but that is good as I need to settle in a bit more although I know there are many more paths to trail in this journey and challenges ahead- at least I hope so anyway!

The beginning of this year brought about the inauguration of a new President - one that only 20 years ago would have seemed nearly impossible. An African- American was installed as our newest President although he came in under circumstances which were far from optimal and far more challenges than many other s had seen in sometime. I was driving to Boston that day with Paula for what would be the first of my surgical procedures on 2008 that would alter my body and anatomy to comport with not only my presentation but my inner essence and soul as well. We stopped in a service center in Connecticut for gas and lunch and watched the process on TV as it unfolded. I would have loved for my father to have seen this as he believed he would never see such a sight in his lifetime and he was right. He died a couple years to soon. My brother – one of the few people I know who actually admits voting for McGovern in 1972 would have loved it to but atlas his life had been cut short not long before our father.

Boston would involve about 13 days of stay in a hotel room while I recovered from the trauma and pain of having my face and head torn apart by a skilled plastic surgeon able to only eat soft foods in small bites and a routine of medicine, ice packing and even boredom relieved only by computer contacts and phone calls and a wickedly lengthy game of gin rummy with my partner, my love and my supporter – Paula! We left there to travel to Philadelphia where we both met with our surgeon to discuss the next round of surgeries as well. I returned home to find out I was had been terminated from working for a company on their planning projects because I was transgendered and people were uncomfortable working with me. I am sure that not too long ago people were uncomfortable working with African Americans and now such individual had become President of this great country of ours! I became more resolved than ever from this experience and Paula and I continued our efforts to seek justice, liberty and equality of opportunity and to pursue our happiness in life by continuing to work with groups such as TransOhio, Equality Ohio and NCTE to promote such concepts through rallies and lobbying, letter writing and meetings and workshops as we sought to have enacted Ohio HB 176 as well as ENDA and the Hate Crimes Bill. Discrimination and hatred against those of us in the LGBT community for simply being who we are and we who we want to be with must end and this struggle for dignity will endure for some time to come. We traveled to our state capital in Columbus as well as our nation’s capital in Washington, DC. There is still so much more work to do and we will continue to pursue these goals and face the challenges in the years to come.

The spring also brought about our move from Circleville to Columbus and we still are so grateful for all our friends who helped in this massive endeavor. I know there would pieces of stuff and some boxes left out in the parking lot of our complex if it was not for these wonderful people and I know simple thanks is not enough. Paula and I have always taken the position that our home is open to all who need to come just to chat or crash for a day or two or however long is needed to our friends even if that principle angered some others through our acts of kindness. We continue to maintain that principle.

By May we were making plans for the first trip to New Hope Pa for my long awaited gender confirmation surgery which others call by many other names such as GRS or SRS. However, to me it was GCS because it confirmed my true gender and being and merely altered the anatomy to comport with that true gender and the essence of who I am and always have been. New Hope is cool town and Dr. McGinn is an exceptional caring physician and my life in New Hope for two weeks again saw many challenges and more assault on my body from the GRs as well as another procedure. Even the preparation process beforehand was nothing fun to write home about! I should have invested in pain medication stocks before this year began- that is sure! I survived another long ordeal on the operating table and days in the hospital with an exceptionally caring staff and then shared a hotel with several other women like me who had undergone the ordeal the same week I did. Some great friendships were built which were not there when the year began.

In July it was time for another trip to New Hope. This time I would be the care provided as Paula underwent the GRS as well as another procedure. She had a bit more difficulty than I did in all this process but we still enjoyed our time in New Hope again. We made more friends and Paula received the same excellent care I did from the staff of the hospital. For both of us our life after these surgeries took on new challenges for us in the form of dilations! Both of us had to push our way through the legal and political process of getting new birth certificates and changing the gender markers on driver’s license and all other governmental and agency records.

Throughout this year Paula and I have become increasingly involved and active in our new spiritual home at North church – am open and affirming congregation of loving people that has extended our circle of friends and who are more like family to us. We are both actively involved in many committees and projects and community outreach endeavors. This church was also the place where Paula and I celebrated our love for each other in a same gender union ceremony in October. Paula and I were so happy to hold this service in front of our friends and “extended family”. We always will cherish the memories of this wonderful day!

This year has brought about a change for me in my career as I embark on yet another occupation. Using my experiences and education and training in government, law and business I became an instructor and embarked on teaching a generation of students that are the same age as my children. I love teaching a great deal and have found much joy and many challenges in this endeavor. Paula and I celebrated our second Christmas together and this marked yet another year that has gone by without contact from our family who have refused to even communicate with us by any means of communication currently known to humankind! It is sad and this lack of even trying on their part causes us some pain but we support each other and with the help of our friends we endure and go forward. Each day that goes by brings about the understanding that such communication and exchange may never come and while that is sad- it is something we have learned to deal with in our lives! I do not know what 2010 has in store myself or for us but after what all has gone in 2009, I don’t see how it could be any more of a wild ride then we have seen over the last couple years!

I wish each of you a beautiful and peaceful and wondrous New Year for 2010!

Holiday Cheer and the Christmas Spirit

Those of you that know me pretty well know that my favorite holiday season is Christmas. Always has been and probably always will be. I love the season for many reasons – some very silly reasons and others much more deep and complex. Some of the silly reasons include the fact there is the opportunity to decorate your home and make it much more festive than it usually is during other parts of the year and this year is no different just because Paula and I live in a townhouse apartment. Many people in our church were shocked the other day to find out in a survey our minister did during his sermon that we have four trees up in the “homestead”. Now prey tell were does one put up four trees in an apartment? Well all of them are seven feet and under and the littlest is about a foot tall.

One tree is the main one in our living room and it is red, green and white lights and decorations of ornaments I have collected from everywhere I have travelled around the world. There is a smaller tree in the alcove near our dining area which highlights the Santa’s and elves I have including one wind up Santa which was bought by my grandmother in the 1930’s. Other decorations adorn shelves and tables and some throw pillows for chairs and couches. I put lights in our kitchen window and lighted garland leads the way to the second floor where a small tree appears in our bedroom and another larger one in my office window. That one is done in blue and silver lights and ornaments. Finally, a wreath on the door and small inside door knob decorations finish off the touch along with some candles and a poinsettia. The last touch of course is the hanging of Paula and I’s stockings for the jolly old elf to fill up with goodies!

Another reason I love the season is all the parties and sharing of food, drink and fun with many wonderful friends we are blessed to have in our lives. I love sending and receiving holiday cards and greetings with friends as well. I also love to bake and Christmas means the opportunity to bake delightful treats. I usually bake between 7-9 different kinds of cookies and bars for the holidays. I am even having one of our friends’ daughters come over to help me so I can teach her how to do press cookies. I will admit that all these parties and treats do not do much for one’s waistline but life is short so take a bit of time off and enjoy and stick to diets and exercise the other 11 months of the year. I know the week of Christmas itself Paula and I will be helping prepare the Sunday dinner at the Y family shelter for 150 plus people. We look forward to this and we decided to get some small toy presents for the children there as well. Paula and I decided after some prayerful contemplation to take over the coordinating of this outreach program for 2010. Paula and I also “adopted” Anne and Marie’s children for the Christmas season and we had a blast going out buying them each a present for Christmas and we plan to have them all over with their moms to celebrate together and watch them open their presents. We also plan to take them over to the Columbus Zoo to see the holiday lights display.

That week is also a time off for me and I will relax and watch some holiday movies including Scrooged, A Christmas Story and the mother of all Christmas comedies- Christmas Vacation. I always watch my favorite holiday production- A Christmas Carol performed so admirably by the talents of George C. Scott. Paula and I are going see the production as well at our friend Lyn’s church this weekend. I will cook us a nice holiday dinner that week as well and on Christmas Eve we will go to a friend’s house for a shared meal together for those without blood families to go to on Christmas. I say blood relatives because I have a family here in Columbus but it is not related by blood (those people all rejected me) but one connected by love and friendship. I cherish these people deeply and they are my chosen family! Christmas Eve will also mean a lovely Christmas Eve service at our church and then home for “long winter’s nap” before waking up to celebrate Christmas morning with Paula. Later that day we will gather with more of our extended chosen family for a movie and dinner.

The holidays are a wonderful time also for hope, love and peace which are some mighty wonderful things. It is a time of year when humans are more inclined to “open their hearts to their fellow creatures” and show acts of kindness and love to others who are less fortunate and in need. It is not the fact that we should be doing this everyday of the year but it seems to get done a little better during the holidays. It is a time of year when people laugh a little more and feel more kindness and warmth inside. For one time a year “we become the people we always knew we could be” (again seeing how well people remember these lines from the movies). Peace on earth is a nice saying and I hold out hope that someday this may be a reality for us and not merely a wish but it is going to take a long journey to get there.

Love and hope also have special meaning for meaning I as get ready to spend another holiday season away from my children who I love so dearly. I would consider the best gift (even better than a Red Rider B-B gun) I could receive this or any Christmas is for my children to end their silence and rejection of me and to begin reconciliation with me by picking up the phone and calling me or even just sending me a card or e-mail over the holidays. We have to begin somewhere and what better time to begin then over the holidays and I will always hold out hope that I might someday receive this gift from them. If all I ever have is hope then so be it. I will not live without hope and I will work each day to be a better person and promote more love, peace and hope! That is the message of the holiday season and I will share my Christmas Spirit and good cheer with all and especially our warm, loving friends who have made us part of their family!

So all our friends out there I wish you peace, joy, hope, love and good cheer this holiday season and have your selves the “hap-happiest Christmas since Danny Kay tapped danced White Christmas with Bing Crosby” Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy Hanukah! Happy Kwanza! Best wishes for a great New Year filled with much love and hope and peace!

Thanksgiving- Past and Present

This week is Thanksgiving and it is hard to believe that the holidays are upon us again. It does not seem so long ago that I was celebrating this day for the first time with my partner Paula. Actually, it does not seem so long ago that I was celebrating this day with my family who now is so distant from me. However, even then we hardly ever celebrated the event in our own home. In twenty –five plus years my ex-wife and I and later our children celebrated this day in our own home only twice. We were always packing up and heading to my parent’s house or her parent’s house to celebrate this day. Year after year after year the process was repeated but at least I got to celebrate this day with my family.

I still vividly recall the last Thanksgiving with my parents. We were coming over to pick them up to take them out for dinner but my father was in such poor condition he could not get himself ready and we found him in night clothes at noon sitting with my mother who was only months from her death and who, by virtue of the ravishing hideous disease of Alzheimer’s had forgotten we were coming although we had just called to remind them the day before and the morning of Thanksgiving. I took my son down to Kroger’s after we cancelled our dinner reservations and we bought some supplies to make for our Thanksgiving and cooked it there and ate together with my parents for the last time in their house and the only house I ever knew until I left home. I knew that day it was likely the last time we would celebrate Thanksgiving together and in that house. A few days later my parent’s time in the house ended and their remaining days were spent living in a nursing home. Mom died just a couple months later- her long battle with the disease that had taken her dignity and her mind was over.

Thanksgiving 2006 was spent at the house of mother-in-law but also with my father. A group of us had driven over to the nursing home and lifted his weak deteriorating body from the wheelchair into my car and transported him to my mother-in- law’s house so he would not be alone that day and could celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. It would be his last one as death took him from me that spring. However, I remember how happy he was that day. It may have been one of last few happy days in his life for just about two weeks after Thanksgiving of 2006, my brother was killed in an accident and I had to go to the nursing home and tell him and rip this poor aging man’s heart out – he was never the same afterward and I was soon to morn his loss with that of my mother and brother.

In November of 2007, I was celebrating what would be my last Thanksgiving with my family. Again, it would be at my mother-in law’s place and I knew myself it was likely going to be my last one with them. I had already begun transition and my ex-wife and I had drifted so far apart we were walking around in fog of mistrust and uneasiness that would lead the next spring to our demise together and the closing off of all contact with my children I love and miss so dearly. I had a feeling of an omen that day that I could not shake and it even put a damper on the day. Flashbacks to the two Thanksgivings before only added to my sadness. So much had changed since the last “normal Thanksgiving I could recall in 2004.

Last year, Paula and I were fortunate to celebrate Thanksgiving with my last surviving members of my family outside of my children who had cut off all contact with me when we traveled to Pennsylvania to spend Thanksgiving with my sister-in-law and nephew and niece. The visit also coincided with my appointment with my surgeon who the next spring would finally alter my body to reflect my true spirit and essence of who I was and end the inner conflict that had had been with me for so many troubled years since my youth. It was also my first Thanksgiving with Paula and we also visited our friend who had just had surgery that week. It was a pleasant experience but I still sensed some uneasiness. Over the last year it seems that my relationship with them has deteriorated. This saddens me further and makes the memory of 2008 Thanksgiving almost seem like a last gathering of the Alexander’s.

Now we approach Thanksgiving 2009 and it seems that I am not the only one sort of feeling, for lack of better words, out of whack about this event. Paula is having some issues I can tell and it stems for the fact she spent her Thanksgiving with her family celebrating with her family- her mother and father, her two children and her pride and joy – her two grandchildren. Her parent have rejected her and cast her out as have her children and with that goes her contact with her the grandchildren she loves so dearly. I know all this bothers her deeply. Just the other week she took down the pictures of her family we had up in our townhouse and packed them- they only serve to remind her of people she cannot see and those who had rejected her and cast her out of their lives for being who she is as a person. I still have my pictures of my children up despite the fact they do not acknowledge my existence. The pictures may be all I will ever have to remind me of them in my life.

So it is with great trepidation Paula and I will spend Thanksgiving 2009 together. We plan to celebrate it with friends of ours from our community who have also seen pain and disconnection with their families and some other people I don’t even know that well and some not at all! Please don’t get me wrong- we love our friends very dearly but with what has gone on since 2004 and the loss of contact with my children, Thanksgiving fills me with a sense of sadness I cannot stand to even have on a such a wonderful day I have fond memories of- even as a child. I still can smell the pumpkin and apple pies baking in my mother’s kitchen and the deliciously tantalizing smell of the turkey and all the fixings emanating from the oven through the house that w would be filled soon with my brother, my grandparents and even an Aunt or two. I love watching the parade and dining on my mother’s incredible culinary delights and even relished the fact that the next day we would have leftovers as we began to prepare the house for Christmas that would not be far behind.

I also know that Thanksgiving is day of thanks for the gifts and blessing we have been bestowed. I am so very grateful for all our friends we love so much and who have deeply enriched our lives. Thank you for being part of lives and sharing your love. I will give thanks for them and I will also give thanks for my life with Paula and for the fact that we survived all of our surgeries this year. These are all truly wonderful gifts we have been bestowed and for which I am so very grateful. I cannot, however dwell that day on all that I have lost as well in the past five years. I cannot help but think upon the fact I no longer celebrate this day with my mother or father, brother or even my children or any others in my family. I will celebrate it with my partner Paula who I love so much and with a few friends who I have me part of their loving family through the threads of a shared anguish and discard from their loved ones and I will be thankful we have a place to go on this Thanksgiving- even if it is a church hall. However, if you see me close my eyes for a few moments don’t disturb me – for brief few moments I plan to slip away into another time period in my past and smell the aromas emanating from my mother’s kitchen and hear the sounds of my family gathering on this day. I will also give thanks for the memories I still cherish.

Best wishes for Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Pictured above is me in 1965 at my mother's house for Thanksgiving (I really wish however the picture had been of me in a nice pretty dress and a pair of Maryjanes instead of the dress pants and tie!!)

Stream Of Consciousness II

I have been remiss in writing my blogs lately primarily because I have been busy with getting myself settled in my new career of teaching which, by the way, is going pretty well. That has not however stopped my mind from accumulating thoughts and ideas to write about. So many thoughts have come to me over the last few weeks I decided to revisit an idea I did about two years ago when I wrote a blog entitled Stream of Consciousness. This blog was a bunch of mini blogs all in one on many different subjects, most of which are not even connected. So here goes……stream of consciousness two…….

I have never understood the opposition to legalized gambling on religious grounds or moral reasons and I have always supported such endeavors. I don’t care if Ohio only gets $25,000 in new revenue from all this (they will however, get a whole lot more!) it’s $25,000 more than they would have had if they did not have it. If it creates only 500 new jobs (and it will create far more) then so bit – it’s five hundred more than we had. From a pure financial and economic perspective it makes sense. The opposition on these grounds was weak at best and mostly just a belief Ohio should have done it differently or gotten a better deal (and maybe they should have) but the real opposition in this matter was on moral and religious grounds as it always is in these cases. I am having difficulty remembering where it is in the New Testament of Bible that gambling was held up to be a great evil! Yes if one gets out of control with anything such as drinking or gambling issues can arise but for the most people it is just another form of entertainment like dining out, going to baseball game or the movies or a Broadway performance. That is all I have ever viewed it as in society. If someone is opposed to doing it on some religious grounds then don’t do it. No one is holding a gun to your head to go or not go to the casinos. It’s part of free choice in society which I am a big believer in by the way. Like my father use to say, if you don’t like what is on T.V. change the channel- no one is making you watch that station.

Same- sex marriages and same sex unions are again in the news as Maine becomes the 31^st state (OUT of 31!) to reject it. Lead by our “morally justified” friends from Salt Lake Utah who have spent millions in California and Maine and most likely soon other places like Iowa to defeat the unions of two people who love each other in a committed relationship on the basis that both happen to have the same genitalia, the religious right (which by the way is NEITHER!) prances triumphantly in defense of its worn out religious dogma! The only references (and they are obscure at best on the subject comes from the Old Testament and the New Testament (upon which the entire premise of Christianity was founded in the first place!) make no mention of it. My thinking is simple this – if Jesus, as the founder of Christianity, thought that this was such a big moral issue I am sure he would have mentioned it in at least ONE of his teachings- YET he did not do so. And yet- it is these very Christians who oppose the loving union of two people who are of the same gender. The irony of this does not escape me and I know many Christians who do not feel this way but as long as the Baptists and Mormons and Catholics keep spouting their hate rhetoric on this issue change cannot take place. The fact of the matter is this; our society is not ready for same gender unions not matter how we label them. Before we can prevail on this issue more education and enlightenment needs to place in this country. One can start by seeing if they can get it through the right wing’s thick skulls that being gay, or lesbian or bi or transgendered is NOT a “choice” or a “lifestyle” it is simply who we are as people and have been since our early time on this planet. As a closing thought I sincerely belief this issue is one which will be ultimately won in federal courts and not the ballot box. Issues such as full faith and credit, equal protection and a judge like the one in California which says “OK opponents show me the evidence that demonstrates that same sex unions somehow destroy the validity and sanctity of your heterosexual union”…..plain and simple- it cannot be demonstrated and those in the right wing know this!

I will find it quite interesting in my life if I am somehow able to live long enough to witness the election of a President of this country from the Generation Y. We have seen the Presidents of the Great Society and skipped those of the Silent Generation because many perceived them as not being leaders like those of the Great generation. My generation (the Baby Boomers) is one that produced many great leaders in society and several Presidents. Today we have in office a member of Generation X holding down the Presidency. So I guess it is plausible someday I will see a member Generation Y (around 1982-1999) become President and it will be interesting indeed. Having been involved with teaching mostly those of this generation for a few months now I wonder how any of them can stay focused on anything for more than thirty minutes. They say it is because of the technology and gadgets they have to use and have experienced since they were small that their attention span is much more limited (and people of my time thought it was bad we watched the Idiot Box). These short attention spans will be entertaining indeed to observe as in the Presidency. I just hope state department meetings and negotiations with high level diplomats can be limited to less than 20-30 minutes …..Better yet let’s see if we can arrange a texting session with the leader of hostile third world nations. I just hope the leader is fluent in “Texting” so as to not lead to great misunderstandings!

While I poke some fun at those of the Gen-Y generation, I am happy to be teaching them. I really enjoy teaching. My reviews have been good and I like interacting with the young people. Teaching really is just that – interacting and exchanging thoughts and ideas. This process has given me great joy and a second or is it third career. I guess they liked my work as my course load more than doubled for the winter quarter and that is fine with me. One of the new classes I will be teaching is Ethics and there is a whole Chapter in the course devoted to LGBT issues (Guest Speaker anyone?). Hmmmm…how ironic is this….a teacher who is both L and T and good friends with many G and B’s, and in a same sex union herself discussing the ethical dilemmas and issues pertaining to LGBT including same sex unions. Ought to be some good discussion and questions in this one…..so long as I keep them to less than 20-30 minutes I suppose!!

It's Simply About Love

Weddings are beautiful and special events in a person’s life. Despite the rise in divorces over the years, for the vast number of people, the event is usually a once in a lifetime thing- a truly special day in one’s life of celebrating your love for another person. In the world of gay and lesbian marriages, we face the complications and struggles with a society that does not allow this union to be legal in most places. This is based on the opposition of religious extremists who continue to interject their interpretation of ancient texts which were written in a different time and translated into so many different languages over time, we have truly no idea what is applicable today and based on some belief that if two woman or two men who love each other marry that somehow their marriage of love is degraded by the act of the two men or two woman joining in a union.
I find it most interesting that the overturning of Prop 8 in California has now entered the federal courts where the federal judge is requesting the state to demonstrate that gay marriages somehow destroy straight marriages which we know can never be shown. Falling out of love, failing to communicate or other similar reasons can generally explain why many marriages fail and that has nothing to do with the gender of either party or the fact the neighbors down the street might be two men or two women who have chosen to unite in love and commitment. I know that my first marriage failed for many reasons but none of them had to do with what others were doing or who else was getting married somewhere else. To even think such defies all logic and reason although I have always suspected the religious right who opposes same sex unions do not use reason and logic but instead rely on religious indoctrination to replace such thinking. Someday society will get it and marriage will be a union of two people who because of their love and commitment to each other and willingness to support and comfort each other and share happiness and sadness together regardless of the gender of those two people or even what it legally use to be for those of us who are transgendered.
However, transgendered people who make a decision to remarry (even if it not yet legal and we call it a “commitment ceremony”) sometimes experience different feelings or issues because if being transgendered. When I got married in 1984, I was young and full of myself and in full blown denial of my true essence. I believed I could live life as a male and marry the girl I loved and raise a family and do all the things a traditional male is suppose to do and that by doing all these things I could make all this go away in my life. It did not work and I should have known this and I accept the blame for the union’s ultimate demise. When I stood there that day in that church in 1984 wearing a tuxedo and pretending to be someone I was not I was only fooling myself and everyone else and setting myself up for the failure that was to come. This failure would cause so much hurt and pain! The whole ceremony I kept thinking that I should have been the one in the gowns and flowers and all made up so wonderfully feminine. Instead I felt like the experience was surreal and I was again perpetrating my lie on all who attended by pretending to be this other person I was not.
This past week I married again. This time it was to someone who I loved who in turn loved me for who I truly am and have always been in life and who I love and accept as who she truly is in life. I married my partner Paula who I love dearly a service that we created and married as two transgendered people and two women despite society’s condemnation of the event. The event was a beautiful one for both Paula and I. First of all we could finally express publically what we felt for each other in our committed relationship and our live together. Secondly, the people who came to the event were not friends of my parents or hers or even those considered our relatives but instead were our “family” as we know it- those who love us for being who we are- Melissa and Paula. This time we would wear the dresses we always wanted to wear for such an event and spend the morning getting hair styled and makeup done with our wedding party. This time both of us walked down the aisle to the music we selected and played so beautifully by our friends. This time we heard music performed by gifted voices of our friends and our wedding party was composed of friends from all walks of the LGBT and straight ally communities we embrace so much. This time Paula and I carried the bouquet of flowers and the vows we spoke to each other were composed by us and not those prepared in some text. This time we could stand before our family of friends who love us and accept us for who we are and declare our love for each other as Paula and Melissa.
I know when we made the toast at the reception we did so from our heart and expressed how we felt in having our “family” present with us to share this beautiful day of love and commitment. I was so happy to see all the beautiful faces of loving people smiling back I nearly cried. This is how I always envisioned my wedding would be……a celebration of love between two people who love each other and accept and support each other for being who we are as people. This time there were no thoughts of perpetrating a lie and hiding my true self to make everyone else happy or to fit in and repress my true self. This time Paula and I could wear the dresses and hold the bouquets and dance and celebrate with our friends being our true selves!
The only thing that was the same between my previous marriage and the marriage to Paula last weekend was the love I had for the person I was marrying. Unfortunately, the previous one was based on a deception I created that I was somebody who I was not to make others in society more comfortable and to try and fool myself. It was doomed to fail because of such deception and lies but that is my own doing. Last week I married my best friend, my partner and my love who I know and accept and embrace as Paula and she married her best friend, partner and love who she knows and embraces as Melissa. We did so in the manner we wanted among our family of friends who love and accept us for who we are as people and who helped us celebrate our love and commitment. It is too bad that it could not be done “legally”. Maybe someday it will be and those of us in the LGBT community can finally be able to “legally consummate” our love and commitments to our partners in a society that will realize that by permitting two people to marry each other who love each other and are committed to each other regardless of their gender or what it legally use to be does not diminish or in any way take away from their love and commitment to each other. Regardless, Paula and I will always have October 10, 2009 as a special day in our lives together. I wish everyone peace and happiness in their lives and that find someone who to love who loves them and accepts them for who they are as people and that someday we all can finally legally celebrate such commitments and love in a society that embraces such for all people!.

Pictured above is our Honeymoon Cabin in the Smokie Mountains in Tenn.