The Distancing

The act of distancing one’s self from others, a particular person or an idea is a common practice of politicians. Give a politician a way for him or her to place themselves at a point of distance from a controversial issue such as health care reform and they will be running to that point as fast as you can say “I’m up for re-election next year!” Unfortunately, the art of distancing is something transgendered people incur all the time and not merely after one comes out and begins transitioning but sometimes even months or years afterward. The only problem is that this form of distancing involves separating human contact from the transgendered person from those that initially accepted you for who you are and have always really been in life. It generally involves those again you thought were friends or family who did not reject you outright when the “you- know- what” hit the fan with full disclosure. However, in time these individuals become increasingly more distant and begin to pull away from you even considering their initial acceptance and apparent willingness to try to stay connected with you in life.

The disappointment of losing contact with such people is no less disheartening to the transgendered individual than if the person had pulled away quickly upon disclosure. However, I guess it does make the person engaging in such distancing tactics feel a little better because they can say they tried but for the transgendered individual effort is very subjective and the hurt caused by the distancing is really know less painful than the initial rejections. Again, the concept is an all too common occurrence. I know Donna Rose discussed it in her book “Wrapped in Blue” from her experience with some people she considered to be friends but who ultimately played the distancing game.

I don’t mean to cut these people down for that is not my point of all this but I don’t think they realized how much they hurt me by what they did and made me feel so unwelcomed. Recently the father of one of my old friends who had tried to stay connected with me after my transition died. I was upset about the death which I found out after all the funeral arrangements had taken place despite many who could have called and let me know. Instead my friends decided that since he had not told his mother and some others about me and there were other friends of his whom use to be “friends” with me in my old life who find me to be a disgusting and disturbing freak that I would not be told about the death until everything was over with for fear I might come and hug my friend and comfort him in his loss. I understand this loss probably better than most from experience in losing both my parents as well as my bother all in 15 short months. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for his loss but I found out that everyone, with his guidance, conspired not to tell me until it was all over so I would not be able to come and pay my respects and comfort my friend. I at first blamed others for this decision and only found out through a one line e-mail from my ex- her first communication with me in four months. I cried for my friend’s loss, I cried because the lack of information from my ex even about our children who I love so much. I cried because I was not welcome to come and pay my respects and comfort my friend. I blamed others and when I found it was my friend who orchestrated it all I cried again when I received his e-mail.

He told me in his letter that he has trouble seeing me and accepting and adapting to me as Melissa instead of the shell of the other person I pretended to be for so long. Of course, this could be helped by more contact between us and yet he and another friend have cancelled two other trips to come and visit and turned down other opportunities to meet as well. He is not the only one to do this for sure. Many other friends who initially showed some support when I first came out have not followed through with any communication or contact with me in a year. They have learned the distancing game well and maybe they too can give themselves a pat on the back for trying initially and maybe they feel that they are a bit better than those that rejected me outright but really ……haven’t we ended up in the same place anyway? The distance grows wider every day and yet the only answer to this gap is communicating and meeting and talking some things out and learning.

Paula and I went to the performances at Wall Street last night at the conclusion of TransOhio’s Transgender and Ally Symposium. One young talented young man by the name of Adam Apple performed a piece choreographed to the music of One Republic’s “Stop and Stare” which told of his life as a young Transman who loves his family but has been rejected by them, who has loss work and been denied jobs because of who he is as a person and who has been beaten and raped and yet is still so full of love and dignity. It was a powerful piece which brought many including myself and Paula to tears but his sign he held towards the end said it all… “I am human”. Human beings need love and understanding and acceptance for being themselves and distancing is not an act which addresses this need of every human being. I have experienced some of his work discrimination and rejection by family and friends but have not even come close to the pain he has endured in his life with the violence and assaults and suicide attempts but I understood his pain and his work on this production touched me. It also deeply affected Paula who admitted to me this morning she is depressed. I know she longs for contact and communication with her old friends and most importantly her family of children and grandkids she cannot see. It brings her such sadness in a heart full of love. Watching the beautiful performance by Adam only drew her more deeply into this great sadness.

We are not ungrateful for the warm and loving friends we have found here in Columbus. We love you all deeply and you kindness has touched us so profoundly! It is also the hope that you give us that maybe someday some of the people who rejected us in our life for being who we are as people and who have played the distancing game so well will understand our anguish and pain and reach out again. Maybe someday they can even be touched by the pain endured by a young man they have never even met named Adam. Maybe someday they will meet our new and wonderful friends we have here and see the beauty and love that exists in our community! I hope the distances between us as human beings grows shorter!

Waste!

Waste is defined as rubbish, trash, garbage, refuse, junk or other discarded materials by society. Waste is a subjective concept because items that some people discard may have value to others. Human waste is defined as most people as feces which is a nice term for shit. Waste in my scheme of things is the failure of society, through its organizations and entities, to hire or retain transgendered individuals who are out and transitioning or have transitioned merely because of misconceptions and biases which plagued our society. Far too many of my brothers and sisters in the transgendered community, myself included, are treated accordingly by society resulting in one of the highest rates of unemployment or underemployment anywhere in this country. The economy is already in the crapper and unemployment is rampant and when combined with the pervasive and insidious discrimination and prejudices against the transgendered community leaves so many of my brothers and sisters out of work and holding on by threads which get thinner by the day sometimes.

Now I do not mean to contend that my sisters and brothers in the L, G or B communities do not face discrimination in the workplace because they do. However, I think it is also true that many times the L, G or B can be concealed from current or perspective employers who care less and less about what you do after work and who you sleep with each night than they do about things which affect their workplace directly such as a transition of a transgendered person or how hiring transgendered person could be in their mind disruptive to their workforce and that is a major concern of organizations. Let’s face it you can come out as gay or lesbian and not really have to tell your coworkers if you don’t want to and keep the matter private which is your right. Try keeping the fact you are transgendered and transitioning a secret from your employer or its employees. When one is gay or lesbian their physical anatomy and appearance do not change much if at all. However, when one comes out on the workforce as transgendered and goes from being Kathy to being Karl or from being Tom to being Tina it is just a wee bit hard to hide that folks! The employer knows it is looking at time off for surgeries and treatment and headache of questions from other employees – not the least of these is the dreaded “where is so and so going to go to bathroom?”

Additionally, just because one is fully transitioned with all the surgeries and legalities does not make it easier when one is looking for work. I am searching for a new career and have been going to job fairs, applying for positions, sending out resumes and cover letters and filling out job profiles and applications on line. Two of the applications and online profiles ask “whether I have ever gone by another name or had a name change” Hmmmm…let's see….think they may notice that the old name was a male one and vastly different from my true name Melissa? Gees…a six year old can pick that one out- much less a HR person. I am not even to the interview process and here I am outing myself. It’s not the fact I am ashamed of who I am as a person but I know there are many out there who think I should be and I have already laid in their lap a reason not to hire me from the mere profile alone. That my friend is also a bunch of feces!

I meet so many talented transgendered people in my interactions with others through conferences and lobbying efforts or group meetings and the stories I hear are the same. Most of the people I meet are either working part time jobs that do not come near their qualifications. Others work as self- employed individuals struggling to keep their small businesses afloat and many are simply unemployed. It is estimated that unemployment in the “out” transgendered community is running somewhere around 50-60% and even higher. I have met so many out of work but talented computer techs, chefs, teachers, designers, and other professionals I cannot even count them! Many transgendered people I know lost their jobs when they came out and told people who they really were as people. My friend Teri was told that if she transitioned she would be terminated. Another person I know was offered a raise and new position until he came out and transitioned and in six months he went from being highly regarded for promotion as woman but when he transitioned to a man he ended up fired. My friend Debbie was terminated from her franchise dealership for selling log homes when she transitioned because the company felt I guess a transgendered woman could not sell them. Again since transgendered people when they come out and transition cannot hide the fact they are transgendered the ramifications in employment losses and difficulty in finding new work become an all too common scenario. This is such a waste of such talented people all for the reason that society cannot deal with the changing of outward genders even if it is to match the inner one that has been there all the life.

I have heard that the younger members of the transgendered community are a bit tired of all the “drama” of the older transgendered people. Well if I had come out as a teenager and my parents got me on hormones before I left for college and I had studied and earned my degrees in my true gender I would not be as worried about finding work. Transitioning before your mid twenties pretty much ensures you have not built much of a life as the person in the wrong gender. Your college and employment records would only reflect the true identity. Older transgendered people do not have that luxury. We built a life in the wrong gender. Our employment history is riddled with the old life. When potential employers start researching my background they will find another entity besides Melissa Alexander. I know my old law firm will do so because the person who is in charge of such information is a very macho, man’s man ex- military type guy. The number of “he’s” coming forth could not be counted on two hands. God knows what the transcripts from college will look like even though I have notified them and received new degrees from them with my proper name on them. I cannot escape that old life! Again I am not ashamed of w\ho I am- it’s just I am tired of having thrown up against me as I now live the life I was suppose to live all my life. My life is now and in the future but unfortunately it is my past that stands in the way. If one does not have much past because they are very young then they have little which can be used against them in the future.

What bothers me the most in all this is so much wasting of talent that many of my brothers and sisters can offer society if those in the transgendered community are given a chance without the jagged past thrown up in their faces. If employers will look beyond that history and consider that talent when it comes time to hire, promote and not terminate that employment because of the disclosure of the truth as to one’s identity, then the waste of human resources can begin to end and more healing can take place in the transgendered community and maybe a little less drama in this community as well. So many of us have already paid the price when it comes to loss of friends and family and resources which has hurt us emotionally we should be able to keep some dignity in maintaining work, finding new work for our talents and more enjoyment of the new life in the right gender. I know that the passage of the ENDA legislation and enactment of HB 176 in Ohio would go a long way in making this happen. Furthermore, repeal of the intrusive federal acts that violate everyone’s civil liberties and out our past lives would also help in this regard. Some day we may not talk about this absurdly high unemployment rate in our community and we can maybe even talk about the great things transgendered people are doing in society when the waste of talent has ended. Until then, the loss of such talent in society by members our community can only be simply classified as a waste and the pervasive discrimination faced in the same as “human waste!”

Binary Thinking: the aftermath of Chloe Prince and ABC Primetime

Last week ABC News did a Primetime feature on the life and transition of one of my friends Chloe Prince. I will admit it was pretty cool to see someone I have known fairly well for years in my community on primetime television. I have spent time talking with her wife and with her adorable children. I have sat many times in the house where most of the interviews were filmed. I thought overall it was a good program although I know from talking with Chloe afterward that there were many hours of footage that ended up on the cutting room floor and there were several things which could have been documented because they were done so but not included by ABC in the program. The program showed some of the points and issues raised by Chloe, her wife and even some by her children. The children may have understood what was going on better than most of the adults …… “she has a girl inside her that needs to get out”. Children often are more intelligent than we give them credit for and they see things easier and simpler than many adults do after years of life and all of its indoctrination. I know Chloe plans a blog on this topic and I hope everyone takes the time to view her work as she has a lot to say and is always worth the visit to her blogs! I know Chloe has received some flack as well as praise over the program from those within as well as outside the transgendered community. I know many people have weighed in with comments to her and at various sites hailing her as everything from a super hero to a dark villain.

There are always those they see things in the binary world where there must be a clear winner in any issue just as they always see things as black and white, male and female and are unable to see the world or any issue as having the grey areas which is vast in its nature. However, most people are not comfortable in that world and struggle with such concepts. To them, there must always be one side prevailing on an issue, there can only be one side of any controversy as they see it and any notion of any world in which gender is defined as female or male beyond the anatomical parts one is born with is not acceptable because to them it cannot exist. These are the same people who say that Chloe must be wrong and vilified for what she has done and therefore one must side with her spouse and children.

I understand the needs of her children- they are the same needs all children need- love and support as they make their way in this world. I have children myself and I know many others in my community with children of various ages- some older like me and others younger like Chloe’s. Her children need this love and support from their parents and they get it. So what if the parents now happen to be both women. I know many lesbian couples who have raised their own or adopted children just fine based on giving them love and support. So what is the big deal? I also understand her wife’s positions and feelings- they are pretty much the same as those expressed by my now ex-wife when I came out and transitioned to be who I was called to be as a person. I sympathize with these feelings and I realize the pain and embarrassment transition causes a spouse or loved one.

However, just because I understand the anguish, pain and frustration of the spouse does not mean I or any other person should condemn Chloe or myself or countless other transgendered people for deciding we could no longer live a life of lies and deceptions as to who we are and always have been in this life as people. Until society realizes that these decisions to come out and transition to be the person we have always been inside and make our outer shell fit our inner soul and essence is not a choice but a necessity actions such as those undertaken by Chloe in her life or thousands of us transgendered souls, there will always be condemnation of those of us with the courage to risk it all to come out and tell the world who we really are as people and transition our anatomy to fit that of the person we have always been in life.

Could the story presented on ABC been a better one? Yes of course it could have been. Maybe some things which were deleted should have been aired and maybe it could have been longer to show more depth and broader views and documentation. However, I felt no need after viewing it to chose sides or condemn anyone. I understand the views and needs of all the participants and realize there not always simple answers to complex issues. Likewise, I know the majority of the world cannot see things such way because there must be always these clearly defined concepts of right and wrong, black and white, male and female and everything else that is defined by the binary system that has held our society’s advancement back for generations!

Do I necessarily agree with everything Chloe stated or presented on the program? Again the answer is that I may have done or said things differently. That however does not make either of us right or wrong- just a little different as we all are in this world despite the binary concepts that hold us back in our thinking. I will say I was impressed with the statements made by her father. Could he have been better? Probably so- but I also know how he use to feel and I gave him all the credit in the world for being on the show and speaking his mind and I think his love for Chloe as parent was obvious- just as Chloe’s love was for her children who were fabulous in their presentations for sure. Again, the issues raised in this show, as with many other shows and books which have been produced in our community about transgendered people, are complex and full of lots of grey but most people cannot deal with that because it rocks their rigid binary world.

I understood the views expressed by all the participants of the program and thought they all did a pretty good job. There were no winners and losers and there is no need to take sides or be critical of anyone. I feel sorry for those that do because they continue to be plagued by the same binary thought patterns that define our society and inhibit its progress. I applaud those that did not take any sides but could see all the views and understand the complexities of the issues presented. I do want to say this as someone who knows Chloe and has spent considerable time with her over the years I am proud of you girl! You did good girl as did all the others in the show and I hope the program will serve to facilitate the need for society to get out of its binary thinking and see the complexity of issues and the field of grey that lies in between the absolutes our society thrives on- although to our detriment.

For those of you who have not seen the program you can go to the ABC site and watch the rebroadcast of the show…….hopefully with an open mind and the absence of the binary thinking!

The Sorority

I finally have the chance to sit down and relax a bit and write my blog this week which is a bit delayed because I have spent the last eight days traveling and helping my partner Paula with her Gender Confirmation Surgery in New Hope Pa which also included a trachea shave. I spent five long days at the hospital (Lower Bucks Hospital) with her attempting to be the wonderful caregiver she was for me a couple months ago that is for sure. Care giving is a special talent and I am not as good with it as Paula is but I worked very hard at being the best I could be. Paula did not come through her procedures as well as I did due to some abdominal and dietary issues and more pain and a bit less strength on her part. However, as I write this blog she appears to be on the slow road to recovery and return to strength and in time a full healing from the dramatic undertaking she has undergone in her efforts to conform her body to her soul and essence!

Just like the week I spent at Lower Bucks Hospital Paula was accompanied by three other girls undergoing the process along with her under the skillful eye and hands of Dr. Christine McGinn. This week, in addition to Paula, was Dana a delightful lady from Maryland who works for Chase Bank, a young and pretty lawyer from the heart of the Bible belt in Keri from Raleigh- Durham NC and finally Renee, a company manager from Connecticut who was the same age as Paula. Dana was supported all week by her mother and sister who are very supportive of her and travelled from Florida to be with her and help her through this delightful but challenging endeavor! Renee had some girlfriends with her on the day of her surgery and she will have others throughout her week of recovery at the hotel. Paula of course has me and some local friends have stopped by too. Kari had her brother for 24 hours to get to the hotel from the hospital but no one for the week of her surgery and no one the week after her surgery. Her family has some issues with what she has done but she comes from a strict religious background and conservative Republican family so it is to be expected. I spent some time talking with each of them through the week and helping them where I could. Kari was alone so I tried to check on her often as was Renee after her surgery day. I got to find out about how their surgeries went and their lives and families as well as their life and journeys as transgendered individuals.

The stories we shared we not uncommon although we all have our own journey in this struggle to find peace as being who we are even if our anatomies needed adjustments to reflect that essence. Many common threads mixed in with a smattering of differences here and there and the range of ages. We all exchanged e-mails and phone numbers and I checked in with each of them each day while attending to Paula’s primary care. Dana had her mother and sister with her who have done quite well in adjusting to having another daughter and new sister. They were quite pleasant people to meet and my primary discussions were with Dana on what was to come in her progress and recovery having been down this road only a few short months ago. I also discussed this with Kari and Renee as well as they were curious as to what was to come and how I progressed after mine. Renee and I had a great discussion on how transgendered people are viewed by Native Americans since she is part Native American. We are revered in their culture and become the elders and respective spiritual leaders in the tribes. Wow- what a radical concept being viewed as something above a third class citizen! Kari and I had an interesting political discussion in as much as she is pretty conservative Republican like any good Baptist from the south and I am of course a liberal. I respected her opinions and defended mine as well as it should be but there was no animosity whatsoever. Kari has no one to get her food, supplies or take her to the doctor’s office for follow up examinations and consults. So I assumed those duties happily. She is my sister and I care about her and all of us in this community.

One of the nurses on the floor, and by the way they were all the same delightful people I had during my stay on the wing affectionately known as the “tranny wing”, asked me one day as I was coming out of Kari’s room after she looked up on her computer something for Dana as I was shuttling it between the two of them “how do you know these other girls? She knew I was there with Paula but did not know what my connection was to Kari, Renee and Dana. My connection to these girls as well as the sisters who visited Paula after supporting me during my process (Terry and Alice) and Kate and Lindsey who came over to visit with Paula is that they are my sisters! Sometimes those that are outside our community do not understand why we connect like we do even though we have no relationship to the other girl. We are connected by a common thread and bond that flows between all of us. We face many of the same challenges and rejections that flow our way from society, work and families as former identified (by outsiders) as “male” due to the wrong parts who transition to live as the women who we are – a concept that still completely blows the average male’s mind! We see another sister who is going through the same emotions, struggles, therapies, surgeries and such as part of our transitional process. Put six or seven of us together in one place and we will generally interact with the others for support and understanding and confirmation of who we are as people. We share our experiences and triumphs and tragedies and we grow from each other as people. Essentially we are one big sorority of sisters who are bound together by the dark and troubled secrets that kept our true selves wrapped tightly in a shell that never fit who we were as people. We are a sorority of support and understanding and love which helps each of us grow and each week or month I meet another girl on her journey and we connect as sisters held together by this bond. It is good to be part of this sorority and we are members of it for life.

Thanks to all our friends and our sisters who have supported Paula in her journey and in your prayers and thoughts and show of love as that is what helped her heal so much in her recovery! Hugs!

The Caregiver

This week the roles get reversed and it is time for Paula Katherine Prichard to shine! For much of this year my partner and soul mate Paula has adopted a secondary role as a caretaker of yours truly as I underwent facial reconstruction through FFS in January in Boston and breast augmentation and gender confirmation surgery in May in New Hope Pa with Dr. McGinn. Each time she helped me through some very difficult struggles and way too much time in hospitals and hotel beds in recovery. In Boston, I faced the longest night of my life as I lay in that hospital bed wrapped up so tight around my head I thought I was going to mummified all while unable to see and looking like a freight train had run through my upper body. Paula stayed the night in the room and held my hand, rubbed my feet and talked with me trying to keep me distracted from the pain and darkness. She fed me ice chips- one at a time under my tongue as my only source of fluid or food. Paula drove me back to the hotel and attended to me for a week in the hotel, helping me bathe, applying medicines to my wounds and bruises and getting supplies and food when necessary. It all made my recovery so much less difficult. She also provided for me through her unique way she has in lifting my spirits so much. Paula is a wonderful caregiver!
This past May, I laid in a hospital for five days and nights and there was Paula again providing me with great comfort and tenderness, getting me drinks, helping me eat food for the first few days when I could not move my arms or raise my head. On the day I first stood up and my legs shook and wobbled as I rested on the walker and wanting so badly to just fall back into the bed, she again helped me focus on her and ignore all the light headiness and weakness in my lower extremities. For the next two days she helped me walk as I maneuvered around the hall with a walker visiting my sisters who followed me in surgery making sure I did not fall and helping back into my bed. She helped me freshen up each day and held a mirror before me so I could put in my contacts and do my makeup in my prone position. When we got to the hotel Paula helped me walk the halls, sit down and even get on the toilet and cleaned up some messes which resulted from some early issues with the same as well as some bleeding. Again, she also bought the supplies and went after the food and assisted me in so many ways even if it was just a phone call from my hospital room to her when I could not sleep from the drugs.
Paula even helped out some of the other girls who had surgeries that very week when she discovered they were alone. She did not need to do this but her heart led her to do so and the other girls appreciated her kindness and warmth. All of this up-close exposure to us girls struggling through the process even made her question her own strengths to do this great challenge. However, she found the resolve to do and focused on her goals. In order to do her surgery, Paula had to lose forty pounds and she did so in a manner so focused and all while building her strength and endurance through exercise to help her get through it and recover easier. She did so all while being my caregiver through these past months.
Now it is her time to undergo her lifelong dream of having her body finally matching her soul and essence of who she is with her gender conformation surgery and trachea shave at the skilled hands of Dr. Christine McGinn. And now after all this care and comfort she has provided me over the last six months, it is now my turn to be the caretaker for her. I get to be the chauffer and runner for food and supplies. I get to help her stand up and take her first steps after surgery. The night after her surgery I will be the one feeding her ice chips and cool drinks and holding her hands and rubbing her feet. It is my turn to help her dine during her hospital stay and assist her in freshening up and doing her makeup from the prone position. I get to be the one walking with her as she struggles to walk simple hallways for days and help her get to the bathroom and clean up the messes. I look forward to helping her through all this and letting her moment of rebirth shine. I will be the one calling the friends and letting them know all is well with her.
For the next weeks Paula is the girl of the hour and I am the caregiver. I hope I do this role well but I have had a good deal of experience watching and learning from her as she took so very good care of me!. Paula’s heart is so big and she cares so much about people and our love for each other has grown increasingly from day to day and all through our struggles and the emotions and challenges they bring in this process. I have grown as a person through my interaction with her in our relationship and learned more about love and letting my heart show as I evolved from the years of living in the confinement of the shell that seemed to cut off so much feeling.
Next Monday I will be one pacing the floors waiting on word from her surgeon that all has gone well and that she is recovering. I will spread the good news of her rebirth and the beginning of her healing process. I will walk into her patient room that will look all so familiar to me and hold her hand and smile down at her as she did me on the day of my physical rebirth. When this occurs my responsibilities of her caregiver commence in earnest. I look forward to paying back some of all the depth of kindness and care she provided me these past months as we also still dealt with the emotional losses and devastation of our transitions in the past years as well. I will lower my hand to reach hers and hold it so gently to let her know I am here for her and ready to attend to her needs as her caregiver.
I made a slide show as a tribute to her life, our times together and her work as my caregiver and emotional support and friendships she built over the years. It’s your turn to shine now girl and fulfill all that you dreamed of and never thought even possible a few years ago- with me by your side and in your heart as your best friend, your partner in life, your love and for the next few weeks….your caregiver!
Hugs to all our friends who helped so much in our journeys and being a a wonderful part of our lives

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Pride

June is the traditional month to celebrate Pride in the LGBTQ community across the country. It is a time of celebration of being proud of who we are as people in a society that still reluctantly only somewhat tolerates our presence in it and to reflect back to the time when the infamous Stonewall riots took place in rebellion to the tactics and tyranny imposed by some on the LGBTQ community. I view Pride in this manner but also view it in even larger perspectives as well. Two years ago I proffered a blog entitled “The Pursuit of Happiness and the Puritans” involving an examination of the strife for rights and dignity in the LGBTQ community in the pursuit of our happiness against the backdrop of society and its very powerful puritanical influences which have shaped our society and which run many times contrary to the concepts of happiness, liberty, freedoms and enjoyment of life. These influences which have been around for hundreds of years in this country still impact our society even today. It is a particularly good read if you have not already done so and significantly important in light of the recent conclusion of Pride month and the upcoming Fourth of July holiday weekend.
President Obama began the month with a Pride proclamation which I guess was significant in that I do not recall any other President offering the same. However, it will take more than a proclamation to appease me for sure. He has promised to sign the Hate Crimes bill and ENDA legislation once these important pieces of law reach his desk …….but in the same breath- I do not see him pushing these bills through and lobbying for them as a leader who understands the need for dignity, freedom and opportunities as others in society have because he was denied them in his own life time and that of his ancestors. You can stimulate the economy all you want and I am not saying it is not important to do so and he did inherit a mess in Iraq created by the incompetency and blindness of his predecessor. However, at the same time, ensuring rights and dignity for all human beings and protecting those who have been left unprotected ought really to be the most important idea being worked on for who cares if more jobs appear or health care is expanded if you still can’t get a job because of discrimination and health care requires having that job to pay for it or you are still the subject of violence in your everyday life.
While the wheels of progress on the federal front move slowly, they are I guess moving forward far more than we have seen in recent years under George’s reign of terror. The state of Ohio which is now my home has been struggling as well to move forward HB176 which will end discrimination in housing, employment, lending and public accommodation based on sexual orientation and gender identity. It is not the first time the bill has been proposed and it is awaiting a stalled vote in the House where there is a good chance of it passing but a very hostile Senate controlled by the party opposite the House and Governor’s office is not going to jump up and down in support of this important piece of legislation. The bill faces stiff opposition by the religious extreme right (direct decentdants if I have ever seen it of those Puritans) The Governor has promised to sign the bill IF it gets to his desk but again I do not see him lobbying for this bill and sometimes it is easy to say you will support the legislation of you know that politically it will never reach the desk because of a hostile Senate. How many years will those of us in the LGBTQ community have to wait before this dignity and freedom is bestowed upon us in our pursuit of happiness?
Pride is also a time to examine one’s self and our pride in who we are and what others like us have accomplished. I am a transgendered woman and I look out there for leadership and accomplishments of others like me. It is not that I am unhappy with the gains of my brothers and sisters in the L, G or B communities or the accomplishments of many of my brothers in the transmen community and in fact I admire them deeply! However, I sometimes get the impression that transwomen are picking up the rear in such gains and accomplishments. For example, while I admire Mara in her leadership of NCTE, her remaining staff members are mostly transmen and the first two openly transgendered people to serve as Congressional aides on the Hill are transmen. Yet- I see so many of my sisters having trouble finding work and very few of us if any in organizations that work for transgendered rights and equality in general. I admire so much the work that Equality Ohio does in fighting for rights and dignity yet I do not believe a single staff person there is transgendered much less a transwomen. Let’s not even talk about the HRC which has no transgendered people on staff locally and nationally has no transgendered people on its board and I still remember two years ago when the group sold me and others in our community down the drain on ENDA! Where are the role models for me as a transwoman and where is the involvement of transgendered people in organizations that fight for our rights? Many talented people in the transgendered community do not have their talents recognized and again, as a transwomen, I still am looking for my leaders and role models.
The Columbus Pride festival was a huge success in 2009. More people came out for the festival and parade this year than any time in history with estimates hovering around 200,000 people. I enjoyed marching in the parade and demonstrating my pride in being who I am as a human being in society. I felt free to be who I am and always have been and lets others know I am proud to be a transwoman and member of the LGBTQ community (I actually claim a couple letters there). The weather was pretty good and everyone attending had a wonderful time and the large turnout was a sign of slowly changing times for our communities. However, I will be honest in saying more progress is needed in many different directions in our state, our nation and society if we are all to be free of hatred and discrimination and able to pursue our happiness in life. To the extent I am so able I willing to continue the fight for such rights and dignity and to build that happiness in my life and the lives of others here with me and in the future generations to come. For that is what Pride is all about in the struggle of the LGBTQ community! Happy Pride and Happy Fourth of July!