Thanksgiving- Past and Present

This week is Thanksgiving and it is hard to believe that the holidays are upon us again. It does not seem so long ago that I was celebrating this day for the first time with my partner Paula. Actually, it does not seem so long ago that I was celebrating this day with my family who now is so distant from me. However, even then we hardly ever celebrated the event in our own home. In twenty –five plus years my ex-wife and I and later our children celebrated this day in our own home only twice. We were always packing up and heading to my parent’s house or her parent’s house to celebrate this day. Year after year after year the process was repeated but at least I got to celebrate this day with my family.

I still vividly recall the last Thanksgiving with my parents. We were coming over to pick them up to take them out for dinner but my father was in such poor condition he could not get himself ready and we found him in night clothes at noon sitting with my mother who was only months from her death and who, by virtue of the ravishing hideous disease of Alzheimer’s had forgotten we were coming although we had just called to remind them the day before and the morning of Thanksgiving. I took my son down to Kroger’s after we cancelled our dinner reservations and we bought some supplies to make for our Thanksgiving and cooked it there and ate together with my parents for the last time in their house and the only house I ever knew until I left home. I knew that day it was likely the last time we would celebrate Thanksgiving together and in that house. A few days later my parent’s time in the house ended and their remaining days were spent living in a nursing home. Mom died just a couple months later- her long battle with the disease that had taken her dignity and her mind was over.

Thanksgiving 2006 was spent at the house of mother-in-law but also with my father. A group of us had driven over to the nursing home and lifted his weak deteriorating body from the wheelchair into my car and transported him to my mother-in- law’s house so he would not be alone that day and could celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. It would be his last one as death took him from me that spring. However, I remember how happy he was that day. It may have been one of last few happy days in his life for just about two weeks after Thanksgiving of 2006, my brother was killed in an accident and I had to go to the nursing home and tell him and rip this poor aging man’s heart out – he was never the same afterward and I was soon to morn his loss with that of my mother and brother.

In November of 2007, I was celebrating what would be my last Thanksgiving with my family. Again, it would be at my mother-in law’s place and I knew myself it was likely going to be my last one with them. I had already begun transition and my ex-wife and I had drifted so far apart we were walking around in fog of mistrust and uneasiness that would lead the next spring to our demise together and the closing off of all contact with my children I love and miss so dearly. I had a feeling of an omen that day that I could not shake and it even put a damper on the day. Flashbacks to the two Thanksgivings before only added to my sadness. So much had changed since the last “normal Thanksgiving I could recall in 2004.

Last year, Paula and I were fortunate to celebrate Thanksgiving with my last surviving members of my family outside of my children who had cut off all contact with me when we traveled to Pennsylvania to spend Thanksgiving with my sister-in-law and nephew and niece. The visit also coincided with my appointment with my surgeon who the next spring would finally alter my body to reflect my true spirit and essence of who I was and end the inner conflict that had had been with me for so many troubled years since my youth. It was also my first Thanksgiving with Paula and we also visited our friend who had just had surgery that week. It was a pleasant experience but I still sensed some uneasiness. Over the last year it seems that my relationship with them has deteriorated. This saddens me further and makes the memory of 2008 Thanksgiving almost seem like a last gathering of the Alexander’s.

Now we approach Thanksgiving 2009 and it seems that I am not the only one sort of feeling, for lack of better words, out of whack about this event. Paula is having some issues I can tell and it stems for the fact she spent her Thanksgiving with her family celebrating with her family- her mother and father, her two children and her pride and joy – her two grandchildren. Her parent have rejected her and cast her out as have her children and with that goes her contact with her the grandchildren she loves so dearly. I know all this bothers her deeply. Just the other week she took down the pictures of her family we had up in our townhouse and packed them- they only serve to remind her of people she cannot see and those who had rejected her and cast her out of their lives for being who she is as a person. I still have my pictures of my children up despite the fact they do not acknowledge my existence. The pictures may be all I will ever have to remind me of them in my life.

So it is with great trepidation Paula and I will spend Thanksgiving 2009 together. We plan to celebrate it with friends of ours from our community who have also seen pain and disconnection with their families and some other people I don’t even know that well and some not at all! Please don’t get me wrong- we love our friends very dearly but with what has gone on since 2004 and the loss of contact with my children, Thanksgiving fills me with a sense of sadness I cannot stand to even have on a such a wonderful day I have fond memories of- even as a child. I still can smell the pumpkin and apple pies baking in my mother’s kitchen and the deliciously tantalizing smell of the turkey and all the fixings emanating from the oven through the house that w would be filled soon with my brother, my grandparents and even an Aunt or two. I love watching the parade and dining on my mother’s incredible culinary delights and even relished the fact that the next day we would have leftovers as we began to prepare the house for Christmas that would not be far behind.

I also know that Thanksgiving is day of thanks for the gifts and blessing we have been bestowed. I am so very grateful for all our friends we love so much and who have deeply enriched our lives. Thank you for being part of lives and sharing your love. I will give thanks for them and I will also give thanks for my life with Paula and for the fact that we survived all of our surgeries this year. These are all truly wonderful gifts we have been bestowed and for which I am so very grateful. I cannot, however dwell that day on all that I have lost as well in the past five years. I cannot help but think upon the fact I no longer celebrate this day with my mother or father, brother or even my children or any others in my family. I will celebrate it with my partner Paula who I love so much and with a few friends who I have me part of their loving family through the threads of a shared anguish and discard from their loved ones and I will be thankful we have a place to go on this Thanksgiving- even if it is a church hall. However, if you see me close my eyes for a few moments don’t disturb me – for brief few moments I plan to slip away into another time period in my past and smell the aromas emanating from my mother’s kitchen and hear the sounds of my family gathering on this day. I will also give thanks for the memories I still cherish.

Best wishes for Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Pictured above is me in 1965 at my mother's house for Thanksgiving (I really wish however the picture had been of me in a nice pretty dress and a pair of Maryjanes instead of the dress pants and tie!!)

Stream Of Consciousness II

I have been remiss in writing my blogs lately primarily because I have been busy with getting myself settled in my new career of teaching which, by the way, is going pretty well. That has not however stopped my mind from accumulating thoughts and ideas to write about. So many thoughts have come to me over the last few weeks I decided to revisit an idea I did about two years ago when I wrote a blog entitled Stream of Consciousness. This blog was a bunch of mini blogs all in one on many different subjects, most of which are not even connected. So here goes……stream of consciousness two…….

I have never understood the opposition to legalized gambling on religious grounds or moral reasons and I have always supported such endeavors. I don’t care if Ohio only gets $25,000 in new revenue from all this (they will however, get a whole lot more!) it’s $25,000 more than they would have had if they did not have it. If it creates only 500 new jobs (and it will create far more) then so bit – it’s five hundred more than we had. From a pure financial and economic perspective it makes sense. The opposition on these grounds was weak at best and mostly just a belief Ohio should have done it differently or gotten a better deal (and maybe they should have) but the real opposition in this matter was on moral and religious grounds as it always is in these cases. I am having difficulty remembering where it is in the New Testament of Bible that gambling was held up to be a great evil! Yes if one gets out of control with anything such as drinking or gambling issues can arise but for the most people it is just another form of entertainment like dining out, going to baseball game or the movies or a Broadway performance. That is all I have ever viewed it as in society. If someone is opposed to doing it on some religious grounds then don’t do it. No one is holding a gun to your head to go or not go to the casinos. It’s part of free choice in society which I am a big believer in by the way. Like my father use to say, if you don’t like what is on T.V. change the channel- no one is making you watch that station.

Same- sex marriages and same sex unions are again in the news as Maine becomes the 31^st state (OUT of 31!) to reject it. Lead by our “morally justified” friends from Salt Lake Utah who have spent millions in California and Maine and most likely soon other places like Iowa to defeat the unions of two people who love each other in a committed relationship on the basis that both happen to have the same genitalia, the religious right (which by the way is NEITHER!) prances triumphantly in defense of its worn out religious dogma! The only references (and they are obscure at best on the subject comes from the Old Testament and the New Testament (upon which the entire premise of Christianity was founded in the first place!) make no mention of it. My thinking is simple this – if Jesus, as the founder of Christianity, thought that this was such a big moral issue I am sure he would have mentioned it in at least ONE of his teachings- YET he did not do so. And yet- it is these very Christians who oppose the loving union of two people who are of the same gender. The irony of this does not escape me and I know many Christians who do not feel this way but as long as the Baptists and Mormons and Catholics keep spouting their hate rhetoric on this issue change cannot take place. The fact of the matter is this; our society is not ready for same gender unions not matter how we label them. Before we can prevail on this issue more education and enlightenment needs to place in this country. One can start by seeing if they can get it through the right wing’s thick skulls that being gay, or lesbian or bi or transgendered is NOT a “choice” or a “lifestyle” it is simply who we are as people and have been since our early time on this planet. As a closing thought I sincerely belief this issue is one which will be ultimately won in federal courts and not the ballot box. Issues such as full faith and credit, equal protection and a judge like the one in California which says “OK opponents show me the evidence that demonstrates that same sex unions somehow destroy the validity and sanctity of your heterosexual union”…..plain and simple- it cannot be demonstrated and those in the right wing know this!

I will find it quite interesting in my life if I am somehow able to live long enough to witness the election of a President of this country from the Generation Y. We have seen the Presidents of the Great Society and skipped those of the Silent Generation because many perceived them as not being leaders like those of the Great generation. My generation (the Baby Boomers) is one that produced many great leaders in society and several Presidents. Today we have in office a member of Generation X holding down the Presidency. So I guess it is plausible someday I will see a member Generation Y (around 1982-1999) become President and it will be interesting indeed. Having been involved with teaching mostly those of this generation for a few months now I wonder how any of them can stay focused on anything for more than thirty minutes. They say it is because of the technology and gadgets they have to use and have experienced since they were small that their attention span is much more limited (and people of my time thought it was bad we watched the Idiot Box). These short attention spans will be entertaining indeed to observe as in the Presidency. I just hope state department meetings and negotiations with high level diplomats can be limited to less than 20-30 minutes …..Better yet let’s see if we can arrange a texting session with the leader of hostile third world nations. I just hope the leader is fluent in “Texting” so as to not lead to great misunderstandings!

While I poke some fun at those of the Gen-Y generation, I am happy to be teaching them. I really enjoy teaching. My reviews have been good and I like interacting with the young people. Teaching really is just that – interacting and exchanging thoughts and ideas. This process has given me great joy and a second or is it third career. I guess they liked my work as my course load more than doubled for the winter quarter and that is fine with me. One of the new classes I will be teaching is Ethics and there is a whole Chapter in the course devoted to LGBT issues (Guest Speaker anyone?). Hmmmm…how ironic is this….a teacher who is both L and T and good friends with many G and B’s, and in a same sex union herself discussing the ethical dilemmas and issues pertaining to LGBT including same sex unions. Ought to be some good discussion and questions in this one…..so long as I keep them to less than 20-30 minutes I suppose!!

It's Simply About Love

Weddings are beautiful and special events in a person’s life. Despite the rise in divorces over the years, for the vast number of people, the event is usually a once in a lifetime thing- a truly special day in one’s life of celebrating your love for another person. In the world of gay and lesbian marriages, we face the complications and struggles with a society that does not allow this union to be legal in most places. This is based on the opposition of religious extremists who continue to interject their interpretation of ancient texts which were written in a different time and translated into so many different languages over time, we have truly no idea what is applicable today and based on some belief that if two woman or two men who love each other marry that somehow their marriage of love is degraded by the act of the two men or two woman joining in a union.
I find it most interesting that the overturning of Prop 8 in California has now entered the federal courts where the federal judge is requesting the state to demonstrate that gay marriages somehow destroy straight marriages which we know can never be shown. Falling out of love, failing to communicate or other similar reasons can generally explain why many marriages fail and that has nothing to do with the gender of either party or the fact the neighbors down the street might be two men or two women who have chosen to unite in love and commitment. I know that my first marriage failed for many reasons but none of them had to do with what others were doing or who else was getting married somewhere else. To even think such defies all logic and reason although I have always suspected the religious right who opposes same sex unions do not use reason and logic but instead rely on religious indoctrination to replace such thinking. Someday society will get it and marriage will be a union of two people who because of their love and commitment to each other and willingness to support and comfort each other and share happiness and sadness together regardless of the gender of those two people or even what it legally use to be for those of us who are transgendered.
However, transgendered people who make a decision to remarry (even if it not yet legal and we call it a “commitment ceremony”) sometimes experience different feelings or issues because if being transgendered. When I got married in 1984, I was young and full of myself and in full blown denial of my true essence. I believed I could live life as a male and marry the girl I loved and raise a family and do all the things a traditional male is suppose to do and that by doing all these things I could make all this go away in my life. It did not work and I should have known this and I accept the blame for the union’s ultimate demise. When I stood there that day in that church in 1984 wearing a tuxedo and pretending to be someone I was not I was only fooling myself and everyone else and setting myself up for the failure that was to come. This failure would cause so much hurt and pain! The whole ceremony I kept thinking that I should have been the one in the gowns and flowers and all made up so wonderfully feminine. Instead I felt like the experience was surreal and I was again perpetrating my lie on all who attended by pretending to be this other person I was not.
This past week I married again. This time it was to someone who I loved who in turn loved me for who I truly am and have always been in life and who I love and accept as who she truly is in life. I married my partner Paula who I love dearly a service that we created and married as two transgendered people and two women despite society’s condemnation of the event. The event was a beautiful one for both Paula and I. First of all we could finally express publically what we felt for each other in our committed relationship and our live together. Secondly, the people who came to the event were not friends of my parents or hers or even those considered our relatives but instead were our “family” as we know it- those who love us for being who we are- Melissa and Paula. This time we would wear the dresses we always wanted to wear for such an event and spend the morning getting hair styled and makeup done with our wedding party. This time both of us walked down the aisle to the music we selected and played so beautifully by our friends. This time we heard music performed by gifted voices of our friends and our wedding party was composed of friends from all walks of the LGBT and straight ally communities we embrace so much. This time Paula and I carried the bouquet of flowers and the vows we spoke to each other were composed by us and not those prepared in some text. This time we could stand before our family of friends who love us and accept us for who we are and declare our love for each other as Paula and Melissa.
I know when we made the toast at the reception we did so from our heart and expressed how we felt in having our “family” present with us to share this beautiful day of love and commitment. I was so happy to see all the beautiful faces of loving people smiling back I nearly cried. This is how I always envisioned my wedding would be……a celebration of love between two people who love each other and accept and support each other for being who we are as people. This time there were no thoughts of perpetrating a lie and hiding my true self to make everyone else happy or to fit in and repress my true self. This time Paula and I could wear the dresses and hold the bouquets and dance and celebrate with our friends being our true selves!
The only thing that was the same between my previous marriage and the marriage to Paula last weekend was the love I had for the person I was marrying. Unfortunately, the previous one was based on a deception I created that I was somebody who I was not to make others in society more comfortable and to try and fool myself. It was doomed to fail because of such deception and lies but that is my own doing. Last week I married my best friend, my partner and my love who I know and accept and embrace as Paula and she married her best friend, partner and love who she knows and embraces as Melissa. We did so in the manner we wanted among our family of friends who love and accept us for who we are as people and who helped us celebrate our love and commitment. It is too bad that it could not be done “legally”. Maybe someday it will be and those of us in the LGBT community can finally be able to “legally consummate” our love and commitments to our partners in a society that will realize that by permitting two people to marry each other who love each other and are committed to each other regardless of their gender or what it legally use to be does not diminish or in any way take away from their love and commitment to each other. Regardless, Paula and I will always have October 10, 2009 as a special day in our lives together. I wish everyone peace and happiness in their lives and that find someone who to love who loves them and accepts them for who they are as people and that someday we all can finally legally celebrate such commitments and love in a society that embraces such for all people!.

Pictured above is our Honeymoon Cabin in the Smokie Mountains in Tenn.

SCC through my Years

In 2006, things were a lot different for me, and so was my experience at the annual gathering in Atlanta know as Southern Comfort Conference (SCC). During that time, I was still very much part time and exploring my feelings and trying to make sense of all that was going on in my emergence as my true self-Melissa. I still believed any solution to my dilemma was not possible or likely and I used the brief times I could express my real self at conferences and weekend trips as simply that- a time to be myself and meet others at these events like me and get to know my community as they say. In 2007, I again attended SCC but by this time I had already decided I had to transition to live my live as Melissa and I had already begun counseling and in a holding pattern because of my children nearly finishing school. I really enjoyed SCC that year because I was a bit more active in doing things and meeting people than I had been the year before although I had grown in confidence and understanding of what was going on inside me and the direction I was headed. I spent more time at the conference attending all sorts of the workshops on the issues I was going to be initially dealing with such as coming out to family and friends, electrolysis and laser and hormone replacement therapy (HRT). The conference really aided in much of this development on these issues.

By the time the SCC 2008 had rolled around, I was now living fulltime with my new legal name and separated from my family and living life with Paula as she travelled to SCC with me. I renewed old acquaintances with friends in my community- some who I only get to see once a year. I watched the sadness in some of the part timers who left the conference going back to a world they lived in but were not really all that happy in while I was living life fulltime and deep in the throngs of transition. Since HRT and electro and such were already well under way, the seminars I attended then focused on those to come – meeting and hearing from presenters who perform the Facial Feminization and gender confirmation surgery or GRS. I left SCC with the selection of Dr. Spiegel to perform my FFS and I had narrowed my choices to two to perform the GRS and a couple months later, I selected and booked the procedures with Dr. McGinn. SCC 2008 was fun filled but educational process for me and for Paula as well.

Last weekend I returned from the fourth such conference- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living- the 2009 SCC. This year I had concluded all of my physical transitional process and was living pretty well as Melissa other than the absence of my children who I love dearly. The workshops I attended were focused on post transitional issues such as relationships, finding balance, career development and one really cool one on Post-op organisms! This year, I myself was a presenter of a workshop which I thoroughly enjoyed giving and which was nicely attended and filled with many questions. However, the experience at SCC was more surreal in that I gleaned the best experiences from my interaction with several people and not from the workshops or events and social activities.

On the night of my arrival, I had a very lovely chat with a genetic woman in the lounge of the hotel over dinner and a couple drinks. She paid me a high compliment in her mistaken conceptualization of me as a genetic woman but I quickly set her straight. She and I talked about many things and she was curious as a business traveler in town for the evening as to learn about SCC and my life as a transgendered woman. She asked if I minded answering some personal questions which I did happily for her and she learned about all my surgeries in great detail and we even shared one in both of us had done the breast augmentation. I told her about my journey and life now with my partner Paula and she so enjoyed talking with me on parting she gave me a big hug and wished me well in my life. It was a great start to SCC and it did not involve a participant to the conference. I also spent a good deal of time with my friends Ally and Erica – both of whom have decided to book the GRS procedures with Dr. McGinn. (Ally came to first SCC in 2008 and it was her first time out ever) I even spent a day with Keri- the girl who had her surgery the day after Paula and who through that process I met in New Hope this summer. (Keri attended SCC in 2007 and that also was her first time out in public) The other part of time was hanging with Kate Lynn and Lindsey who I first met during the time of my surgeries back in May. I also had an opportunity to chat again with Chloe about some things happening in her life after the show on ABC Primetime.

I got the chance to chat with a nice transgendered couple from California who shared their life and love together with me and also in discussion of the material covered in the post-op orgasm workshop. A real highlight for me was finally getting to meet an old classmate of mine from law school at WVU who I had not seen in twenty- four years. Dorothy and I connected on Facebook and we had planned the meeting ever since I found out I would be going to present at the conference this year. It was such a pleasure meeting her and her husband and daughter who practices law with her. We went out to eat and had some drinks and she got to meet many of my sisters in the community. I really enjoyed seeing her again and I think she enjoyed seeing and meeting the real me and not the tightly wound soul she knew so long ago. She told me I looked happier than she ever remembered me. I truly enjoyed this delightful experience!

The last day of conference was Sunday which was a travel day and since I had a late flight to the airport I made the poor decision to take the MARTA to the airport and for the first time traveling as a woman and transwoman I was a frightened by the experience of a drunk homeless man who had decided to harass me and insult me and in all honesty made me feel very vulnerable to harassment and physical assault. I could not wait for the subway stop at the airport and he proceeded to follow me to the elevators again shouting at me and embarrassing me and trying to ridicule me – based on his misperceptions of me and his staggering drunkenness! Needless to say I was glad to reach the confines of the airport and it taught me a valuable lesson about traveling as a woman and transwoman for which I have added to my education from SCC. However, it is interesting to note that the best experiences, and one that was the worst- but which provided me an opportunity to learn from, I had in Atlanta at SCC this year had little, if anything, to do with the conference itself which is so vastly different from the years before! The activities of the days this year at SCC left me with a disconnected feeling and a sense of reflection of how far I had come from my early days with SCC a few years back. Education takes on many untraditional forms these days for sure. I have grown and I continue to do so as a person. The question is whether, other than seeing some old friends in my community, will SCC continue to provide me with these learning experiences? Let’s put it this way- SCC 2010 may be first one I miss and I know this- if I do go- I am not taking MARTA!

The "L" Word

Shooooooooooooshhhhhhhhhhh……….…….Say the letter softly when you are transgendered woman- even if the letter applies to you. You know what letter I am talking about ……………….the infamous “L” word. For you see, I am a part of that community as well even if the other genetic born members of the community don’t always see it that way. Too often when those of us in the transgendered community speak to people about who we are and our life we get many questions focused not on our gender identity issues but wrapped up in our sexuality. Most of us try to explain that one’s gender identity and one’s sexuality are separate and distinct subjects and the mere fact that one is transgendered does not define whether they will be straight, bi, gay or part of the “L” community. Gender identity is just that – how one self identifies themselves as to their gender even if vastly different than the physical parts provided at birth based on the inner soul and essence of being. I always identified as female. I transitioned my outer appearance and body through, presentation, hormones, laser, electro and three surgical procedures to get it to fit my inner self and present myself as the woman I always knew I was in my heart, soul and mind. Sexual orientation is a separate entity based on who I am attracted to as woman.

So as a woman in my heart, soul and mind and now my body to match it, my attraction sexually has been to other women. Even when I lived the other life inside the shell I always imaged myself as a woman making love and intimate with other woman. To me, nothing can come close to the touch, passion and intimacy that is experienced in being with another woman- even if I am one myself. However, that makes me part of the “L” word. I am now involved in a loving beautiful and committed relationship with my partner Paula who like me is also woman and a transwoman. She always felt inside her misfit body that she was a woman in heart mind and soul and she has spent her time transitioning her body to fit this essence as well much in the same manner as I did over the years. When we met and began our friendship which blossomed over a year or so into a wonderful romance we always saw the other for whom we really were and the shells as merely work in progress. Our love for each other blossomed and grew and we helped each other through the last parts of the physical transitional process. We are committed to each other and although we have our disagreements from time to time like any couple does we work through them as two women who care and love each other. Next month we will celebrate our love in a union/ commitment ceremony at our church with our wonderful friends. Two women in love with each other and wanting to be together as partners in this life together makes us part of the “L” community as it should be.

However, both of us have encountered some “less than understanding” members of the “L” word who have looked down upon us and even a few that have been outright hostile to us and clearly do not see us as members of the “L” community- although I am not always sure where they see us as being. We have developed many friends who are part of the “L” community and many of whom are helping us celebrate our wedding and many of whom I could not imagine my life without them being a part of it. I know many who were curious about Paula and I and our life as transgendered woman and our love for each other as women. We always have been open with anyone who asks about it. We have shared our stories, our transition and our surgeries with many in the “L” as we believe that only by sharing and discussing it with others can growth and understanding take place. We have also shared with many of our sisters our love for each other and at least in our assessment our feelings about being part of the “L’ word.

I am sure that many in the “L” scene long ago believed that you are “born woman” and being part of the “L” community meant that you must be a genetic born woman which left many of us in the transgendered community scratching our head sometimes. As we see it, we were “born woman” but somebody put the wrong body parts on us as if playing a sick and cruel joke on us which we struggle with, deal with and finally come to grips with in our transitions to adjust this mix up at the beginning. Many in the “L” community have long since left that old way of thinking anyway and have themselves grown and many are our friends today who have enriched our lives so very deeply!

However, there are some old school thinkers still among the “L” scene. The Ohio “L” Festival welcomes all womym including those who are transgendered. So does the Women’s Music Festival (Wimfest) and we find that so refreshing and enlightened. In contrast in Michigan for example, at the woman’s music festival, transgendered woman are not welcome at all. Right here in Columbus there is a group known as the Lavender Sisters which even ironically meets at our church each month which is a group in the “L” community which does not accept those of us unfortunate enough to be born with the wrong body parts despite the inner essence of who we are as woman. With these groups and other hardliners in the “L” word it is as if judgment is to be made on genetics or physical things instead of the soul and spirit and heart of the person. Should we judge someone with a birth defect on their body as not being worthwhile and look past their soul, their spirit and value as a being because of this? Of course not, but we sometimes do and it does not make it right.

This weekend Paula and I will venture to the Ohio festival where we will be exhibiting on behalf of TransOhio and conducting workshop about our lives, our transitions and our love for each other as two women and the belief in our view at least that we are part of the “L” community. We will welcome and address any and all questions as part of a dialog and exchange that we hope will further help those sisters in the “L” community understand more about transgendered women and our lives together as two women who love each other and explaining why we believe that we are part of the “L” word and hoping that our presence and sharing may open the hearts and minds of a few of our sisters about us and our presence in this “L” community. We look forward to being at the festival and meeting our sisters and experiencing a festival that celebrates womanhood!

Thanks to all our wonderful friends who have grown with us in this belief and thanks to those who have asked and shared and accepted us as part of the “L” community” and to those of you who have not yet done so, we ask that you keep the possibility open and engage us in discussion about it and hopefully with an open mind. Maybe sometime down the road we can work some things out and reach a meeting of the minds. In the meantime, Paula and I will enjoy being part of the “L” word ……. But we will just keep “L” hushed for now.