Everybody loves the first time they do something new or big or the first time they experience something whether it is the first time they ride a bike or a new exciting ride on a the latest attraction to the amusement park or the first time they drove a car alone. The thrill of doing it for the first time and living the experiences we crave in our lives is one of the driving forces that keeps us going in this world. Comming out of the closet for the first time and going out into public enfemme for the first time is no different, but of course, it is unique to our transgendered community.
Last weekend, I got to see the other end of that expereince when after months of discussion and proding in my efforts to outreach , I was able to convince my friend Roxanne ( Roxi ) to come out of her well stocked and deeply embedded closet and enter the world bring ing Roxi to the world and meeting her sisters who embraced her as I knew they would. She did so at the Pink Essence -GNO in Akron last week. I know she struggled to get to this point but I clearly sensed in her the need to get out and meet her sisters and I was still mildly suprised she showed at the hotel . I helped her get ready and make the final prepartions for our night out Unlike some first timers, she did not merely go to an alternative club under the cover of darkness but also went out in broad daylight strolling through a shopping area in Quaker Square and had dinner with some of the girls there as well. I talked with her several times this week and she was still living on that high of being out in public and meeting so many of her sisters who embraced her and had fun with her that night.
I remember the first time I went out in public with trhe assistence of a prodding sister when I was in New Orleans visting there in mid 90's . Carla ( not the one in Pink essence in Ohio who is my close friend) was the girl's name and she spent weeks online with me convincing to make this giant leap out of the dark, deep and lonely closet to come out in public for the first time . I was so scared that day I could barely eat and I was out getting ready all afternoon with my nails and wig styling and shopping for that minute accessory. I walked from the hair and nail salon for five blocks in broad daylight with my friend and had a drink at a local club before heading to the tg party that night for dinner and drinks and out to another four or five clubs . I did not want the night to end and I remember with each step I took walking ( despite the four inch heels ) I kept gaining so much confidence- all while realizing Melissa was free from her self imposed containment.
Several things happen when you go out for the first time as a transgendered person. First, you get that rush of excitement of doing something for the first time that is new and exciting. Secondly, if you go to a dinner, club or party where you meet other transgendered girls its so incredible when you walk in that room and find 40, 50 or in my case 60 other girls - you just want to scream Oh my God.......I am not alone!!! Thirdly, you gain confidence in yourself and begin the journey in a different direction of being out and more free - for the journey can only go so far in a dark and lonely closet! Lastly, you realize how much fun you can have being with your sisters and having a great time. Although the exhilaration of going out the first time fades as you go out more frequently and the journey soon puts you further down the road and you know clearly you aren't alone ( in fact, I have been fortunate to be out all over - both locally and nationally and even internationally if you count Canada and met hundreds of sisters ), there is still one of the factors in play every time I go out as Melissa-I still realize how much I need to be with my sisters and how much I enjoy being with them and having fun with them. As long as I have my sisters and friends I can experience that one small part of going the first time over and over again!
Lastly, I am committed to helping any sister that truly seeks to come out and wants a big sister to help them. If you are serious ( no games) in wanting to take that step, all you ever have to do is ask me for my help and I will do anything I can to assist you to make it happen. As I have said many times, my sisters are very important to me - they enrich me and I have so much fun being with them!
Hugs, Melissa
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