Ok I know I am risking controversy with this post but sometimes you just have to write what you feel if you are to be successful at it. I was having a conversation with a TG friend of mine the other day who I have chatted with over the last few months. We were going to actually meet for the first time in person at the upcoming Akron GNO. The GNO by the way was very nice and enjoyable and kudos to Chloe for another success! I had a blast as I always do when I am spending time with my sisters. However, back to issue at hand before I digress too far. I asked my friend is she was going to come to the dinner at the Mexican restaurant before we headed to the club She said no and I thought the usual response was that she was not confident enough to go out in public (although she has no reason to feel this way as she would have fit in very nicely at the dinner table or mall or anywhere for that matter.) However, her response went beyond the typical fear of public exposure thing commonly and rightfully associated with most TGs. It is a long and painful journey we all face from denial and fear to acceptance and embracement of our gift of being transgendered. We all continue along this journey of these various levels as well as the journey of going out in clubs to going out in public in general. I am still on this journey and there are girls who are far ahead of me and others who lag behind me ( it is my believe we need to all reach out and help those along the way if they ask for help in their journey- girls this is not easy!)
Her response was that others in the restaurant and other places I presume like mall or stores or wherever have the public in them and certain members of the public in these establishments might discover we are tgs and become uncomfortable with that and we should not be making customers uncomfortable. So if I read this statement correctly we should not go to shows or stores or restaurants because someone in the place may discover I am a tg and that might make them uncomfortable. I think it is the first time I actually really felt upset in a chat.
What she was saying resonated through me and it hurt. First of all, I know there are some who don't ever care if they go out in public and that is cool with me. I know each of us has to make their own decisions and I chose to venture out into public sometimes to experience more of life as Melissa and to be with friends and maybe let others see we are just people - albeit different but still people just doing everday things and having fun. Maybe I will or won't change anyone's perspective I don't know and although I would like to its ok if I don’t. But I'll be damned if I am going to let the possible uncomfortableness of a person affect where I go to be with friends. What does that say about me or other tgs - that we are freaks? undesirables? unwelcome in public places ? maybe we should have segregated spaces like in the days of this country's ugly racial discrimination (Oh we have a table available for you and your friends in the back room where others cannot see you so they won't be uncomfortable ...Table for six in the "Tg section " coming right up as soon as the cook clears his work area in the back room for you)
Now I know I am exaggerating a bit but it is to make a point. If you are not comfortable with going out in public that is fine and if you want to try I or others will help you as sisters. If you never make it, then you don’t..Some girls never even make it out of closet despite our offer of help. That’s ok if that is where your journey ends. We are all different in this approach to being out and that is ok but please don't suggest I should not go out in public because I might possibly make someone uncomfortable. Now I am happy to be out as much as I can as Melissa (my true self) and to be with my friends. I may falter at times and I will continue on my journey where it guides me but I will never concede going somewhere just because of someone else's uncomfortableness with the transgendered community. If I do that, what does that say about me and my sisters I care about dearly!
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