This should be an easy blog to write for all I do normally is express my thoughts and feelings and post them to my blog sites. The words usually flow easily and I take great joy in writing as I always have most of my life and I apparently passed this passion and creativity to my daughter. However, in this blog the words don’t flow as easily as they normally should or do and it’s not because I don’t feel or the words aren’t there, it is because the words are so inadequate to describe my feelings and the feelings I have are so intense they almost interfere with their expression. For the first time in my life as Melissa (I say “Melissa” because the shell has felt love but I am not talking about the shell here ......I am ONLY talking about Melissa) I am deeply totally and passionately in love with someone who only sees the real me and embraces the real me and nurtures and comforts the real me who is busting out more and more every day as the shell crumbles to its demise and ruin!
This is not something which began overnight, on one night or even over one period of time of the last year- but I know some of you saw it coming maybe even before I ever did. About a year ago, I met a lovely transgendered lady by the name of Paula Katherine White. Recently, she confessed to me that she fell in love with me the night we met for the first time and we talked out on a patio one evening for hours. I will say truthfully I did not have the initial feelings for her that she obviously did for me but I loved talking with her more than anyone else I have ever met as Melissa although I love chatting with my sisters and brothers in the trans community very much and like to keep in touch when I can. However, I walked away that night after we met and hoped we would talk again and we did. Soon over months after that we began chatting frequently online and when we saw each other in person. Months later we began talking on the phone and over time that occurrence became a regular and even a daily occurrence. I could share anything with her…my entire soul …my horrible past…..the humor, the sadness, thoughts and feelings, happiness …there was absolutely nothing I would not share with her- ever. She grew to know more about me than any other person on this planet. I wanted her to know everything and I let it all flow. She told me everything about her and shared her thoughts and feelings and bared her soul to me. We talked and we talked for hours upon hours upon hours ……Paula is my best friend in the world and the strong base work of such let us take our feelings deeper and deeper. We never rushed into anything and we built a foundation of open and free communication which carried us to heights unknown to both of us before.
Now believe me we had opportunities to be together in the times we spent rooming together over the last year but until recently we never let anything initiate between us. Last fall we slept in the same bed together but instead of this turning into some night of passion we laid in bed talking to each other until we both fell asleep. I began to feel this girl was my soul mate and I was right of course as our souls seem to be intertwined …we somehow seemed to belong together and we continued to talk and support and share deep and even troubling feelings with each other …there was nothing we could not talk about with each other ever…when she had a crises or two I was there for her and God only knows she has pulled me out of some low points as well. I did not know there could be someone who was as perfect for me as Melissa as I found in Paula. The more we began to talk- the longer we talked …….we have talked for four hours or more on occasion…day after day we talked and shared. We found out we have so much in common and so many things we both love to do and see. Where o where has this girl been all my life I kept asking myself.
After nearly a year of talking and sharing we have had the opportunities to spend some weekend together shopping, sightseeing, dinning, and dancing and of course more talking and sharing. We also discovered we both have a sense of humor and we make each other laugh so much! Recently, one of these nights we lay in bed and held each other and gazed into each other’s eyes where we saw each other’s soul in a manner that escapes the proper description of words. I have never felt anything like this in my life. We kissed passionately and our love for each other flowed so wonderfully. We spent most of the two nights together caressing and touching and kissing and talking in the closest of intimacy that I have ever experienced and again it was without what most people would describe as physical sex. I simply loved being in her arms, I loved looking into her eyes…...I loved sharing myself freely with her and communicating without any restraints. We knew after that weekend that we cared and loved each other so deeply…....so intensely that wanted to spend more and more time together.
This past weekend we met again and it was the most weekend of my life. We talked, we shopped, we danced and we dinned and even went to a program together on transgendered rights. Paula has helped me grow so much as Melissa and I have her as well. We spent the night in each others arms…we fed each other dessert; we talked and talked and shared our deepest feelings. We kissed and caressed and walked hand in hand and so much in love with each other we even talked about a future together. It will not be easy for easy of us and there will be great anguish and hardship but we know one thing …no matter what happens- ever, we will always be there for the other and our love grows deeper and deeper by the hour! I have never felt, as Melissa, anything such as I have felt with her in my life. I feel whole …..I feel alive…I feel passion and tenderness like I have never ever experienced and it has touched my soul so very deeply!
What is love? I don’t know if we can ever fully describe what love is ……..but I believe we can sense when we have reached that pinnacle of relationship with another human being and I know I have in my life with Paula. In all honesty, I want to spend the remainder of my life on this planet with Paula and I hope everyone is able to someday, if you already have not done so, find someone that you love so deeply and passionately that your souls touch and who you want to spent whatever time you have here on this world together as we have.......Paula….I love you and I always will!
This is not something which began overnight, on one night or even over one period of time of the last year- but I know some of you saw it coming maybe even before I ever did. About a year ago, I met a lovely transgendered lady by the name of Paula Katherine White. Recently, she confessed to me that she fell in love with me the night we met for the first time and we talked out on a patio one evening for hours. I will say truthfully I did not have the initial feelings for her that she obviously did for me but I loved talking with her more than anyone else I have ever met as Melissa although I love chatting with my sisters and brothers in the trans community very much and like to keep in touch when I can. However, I walked away that night after we met and hoped we would talk again and we did. Soon over months after that we began chatting frequently online and when we saw each other in person. Months later we began talking on the phone and over time that occurrence became a regular and even a daily occurrence. I could share anything with her…my entire soul …my horrible past…..the humor, the sadness, thoughts and feelings, happiness …there was absolutely nothing I would not share with her- ever. She grew to know more about me than any other person on this planet. I wanted her to know everything and I let it all flow. She told me everything about her and shared her thoughts and feelings and bared her soul to me. We talked and we talked for hours upon hours upon hours ……Paula is my best friend in the world and the strong base work of such let us take our feelings deeper and deeper. We never rushed into anything and we built a foundation of open and free communication which carried us to heights unknown to both of us before.
Now believe me we had opportunities to be together in the times we spent rooming together over the last year but until recently we never let anything initiate between us. Last fall we slept in the same bed together but instead of this turning into some night of passion we laid in bed talking to each other until we both fell asleep. I began to feel this girl was my soul mate and I was right of course as our souls seem to be intertwined …we somehow seemed to belong together and we continued to talk and support and share deep and even troubling feelings with each other …there was nothing we could not talk about with each other ever…when she had a crises or two I was there for her and God only knows she has pulled me out of some low points as well. I did not know there could be someone who was as perfect for me as Melissa as I found in Paula. The more we began to talk- the longer we talked …….we have talked for four hours or more on occasion…day after day we talked and shared. We found out we have so much in common and so many things we both love to do and see. Where o where has this girl been all my life I kept asking myself.
After nearly a year of talking and sharing we have had the opportunities to spend some weekend together shopping, sightseeing, dinning, and dancing and of course more talking and sharing. We also discovered we both have a sense of humor and we make each other laugh so much! Recently, one of these nights we lay in bed and held each other and gazed into each other’s eyes where we saw each other’s soul in a manner that escapes the proper description of words. I have never felt anything like this in my life. We kissed passionately and our love for each other flowed so wonderfully. We spent most of the two nights together caressing and touching and kissing and talking in the closest of intimacy that I have ever experienced and again it was without what most people would describe as physical sex. I simply loved being in her arms, I loved looking into her eyes…...I loved sharing myself freely with her and communicating without any restraints. We knew after that weekend that we cared and loved each other so deeply…....so intensely that wanted to spend more and more time together.
This past weekend we met again and it was the most weekend of my life. We talked, we shopped, we danced and we dinned and even went to a program together on transgendered rights. Paula has helped me grow so much as Melissa and I have her as well. We spent the night in each others arms…we fed each other dessert; we talked and talked and shared our deepest feelings. We kissed and caressed and walked hand in hand and so much in love with each other we even talked about a future together. It will not be easy for easy of us and there will be great anguish and hardship but we know one thing …no matter what happens- ever, we will always be there for the other and our love grows deeper and deeper by the hour! I have never felt, as Melissa, anything such as I have felt with her in my life. I feel whole …..I feel alive…I feel passion and tenderness like I have never ever experienced and it has touched my soul so very deeply!
What is love? I don’t know if we can ever fully describe what love is ……..but I believe we can sense when we have reached that pinnacle of relationship with another human being and I know I have in my life with Paula. In all honesty, I want to spend the remainder of my life on this planet with Paula and I hope everyone is able to someday, if you already have not done so, find someone that you love so deeply and passionately that your souls touch and who you want to spent whatever time you have here on this world together as we have.......Paula….I love you and I always will!
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