“Mothers little helpers” were sedative pills taken by woman of past decades to deal with the increasing stress of the demands of work, home responsibilities and child rearing. The use if them was made famous by the lyrics of the Rolling Stones 19th Nervous Breakdown. I remember as a teenager finding these bottles of little helpers in my mother’s medicine cabinet and I often wondered how many of those little pills were popped by her as a result of my actions! This week I began a little pill popping of my own as I began the administration of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) Although I proceed cautiously in this matter, and so does my physician who has been my personal physician for sometime now, the low grade dosages of testosterone blocker( Spiro) and female hormones( Estrodial) will serve to test out my body’s reaction to the administration of these pills which will slowly evolve my body on the outside and emotionally to be more like the person on the inside – Melissa.
Obviously there are risks associated with any procedure and any drug one takes but risks sometimes must be taken in order to achieve the desired goal of making my body more reflect who I am underneath it all. Although I shocked the hell out of my doctor who is a very sweet young woman when I told her all about me, she said she had realized something was “eating at me” the last few visits and that she figured if it was medically related that I would eventually tell her. I’m her first transgendered patient but that is not surprising considering I live in the “metropolis” of West Virginia and she has only been practicing medicine for about twelve years. I chose her because I liked her personality and that fact she was kind and compassionate and she was a woman. I think woman make better physicians than men without question but maybe that assessment on my part may have always had something to do with me being a woman despite the trappings of the male shell which concealed the real me from the world at large for so long.
This week was the beginning of change for me but as it began I will have to admit I starred at the little pills on my desk for about and hour before I ingested the first dosage. I wondered how long it will be before the dosage increases. How long will it be before I begin to feel any of the effects of the little “helpers” What things will be visible to others and when? I wondered if I had done the right thing at all. Slowly I picked them up and ingested the little tablets one at a time. Each day since I have done the same, and each day I have done so, tells me it was the right thing to do and now was the time I needed to begin the process. I know in time my skin will grow softer and smoother ( along with my facial change due to my electrolysis) my hips will grow wider and breasts will begin to rise on my chest although I may not display them quite as often as my dear friend Paula likes to do(LOL)- but who knows? I also prepare myself for the onslaught of more emotions as well. However, I know I have friends and my wonderful supportive therapist to help me through some of all that as well.
The beginning of hormone therapy for me reminds me yet of another song made famous by Jefferson Airplane in White Rabbit. One pill makes you tall….one pill makes you small…and the ones mother gives you doesn’t do anything at all….and the ones I am taken will make me look more like my mother……I sure hope I don’t need those little helpers …..Life sometimes comes full circle ….
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